Friday, September 30, 2005

Sporting Flowery Boos

Yours truly will be on sabbatical for a few weeks, and since I'll be there, it's possible that I will give in and take on assignments in the Commonwealth of Virginia. I'm curious to see how the sports fans act in their neck of the woods, and also as a more anthropological study, see how they act and react to an outsider such as myself. For example, Indianapolis, and Northern Indiana-ers in general find we Southern Indiana-ers way too crass. I often find myself offending people, with help of a friend, in casual conversations anywhere north of the 38th parallel while still being in the same state, so that'll be something interesting to look forward to upon my return. Because I will not be here for next week's installment, I post for the second time this week, and leave you all with good tidings and a flowery mood. May the rest of the cynics of The Flying Trapeezius guide you with their undeniable charm until my next rant.

Away we go -- flowery mood!

For anyone who reads this blog, and to the contributors as well, I challenge you all to check out National Novel Writing Month, or as it's affectionately called NaNoWriMo. For those of you too wrapped up in the sugary words written in this blog by we TFT contributors to click on the link, let me explain a bit about said challenge.

NaNoWriMo -- that's nan-o-wry-mo -- is a contest for self betterment that in a nutshell is a deadline. For the whole month of November you, along with thousands of other registered users, are entreated to write a 50,000 word novel -- a feat that many think about, but never sit down and actually do. The site has this to say about the challenge: "NaNoWriMo is all about the magical power of deadlines. Give someone a goal and a goal-minded community and miracles are bound to happen. Pies will be eaten at amazing rates. Alfalfa will be harvested like never before. And novels will be written in a month." How could anyone write a book what with all that's going on to distract us nowadays? The thought is that you aren't trying to win the Nobel with this thing, you are merely trying to write the best fictional story that you can while only concentrating on the word count. It's an exercise in doing something different for a change, and reaping the rewards of accomplishing such a thing. The fringe benefits accrued by writing a novel is that more chicks will dig you, and you get to make yourself seem cooler or more intelligent by talking about it in public. More "rewards" as stated by the site: "The other reason we do NaNoWriMo is because the glow from making big, messy art, and watching others make big, messy art, lasts for a long, long time. The act of sustained creation does bizarre, wonderful things to you. It changes the way you read. And changes, a little bit, your sense of self. We like that." And if you don't succeed? Well nothing ventured nothing gained. The best way to realize that you still have an imagination, that you still have a mind that can think for itself, is to use it. So if you're interested, scroll your eyes back up the page and click on the blue letters (that means it's a link) and look around for a bit. You might just find that you're up for it.

Cheers of the Week (sponsored by The Fast and The Furious 3, starring John Ratzenberger).

Cheers to good friends. If you have them, keep them. You won't find many more like them, and no it doesn't matter how much more life you have left to live.

Cheers to ESPN bringing back the Coors Light rock band that plays every Monday on Sportscenter. Every week I think that they are going to get to the point where they just play music because they have nothing left to write lyrics about, but they constantly surprise me. Good work guys!

Cheers to Coheed and Cambria on their newest effort Good Apollo I'm Burning Star IV. Volume One: From Fear Through the Eyes of Madness. This is their most technically impressive album yet, and the most musically pleasing rock album to the ear since The Mars Volta's Frances the Mute. There is something on this album for everyone: killer, poppy hooks, guitar solos, heavy, brooding lyrics, and more complex tempo changes and vocal ranges than you can shake a stick at (not that it would do any good -- it's a CD afterall). Good Apollo, is good indeed.

Boos of the Week (sponsored by ex-girlfriends and bandwagon jumpers everywhere.)

Boos go to to the Seattle Seahawks this week for being the first team that may very well dethrone my beloved Redskins from their undefeated spot on top of the mountain.

And while we are on the subject of the Redskins, boos to former Washington Post sports editor George Solomon for his comments about the Redskins last home game at FedEx Field. He wrote, "What I do not agree with is Gibbs congratulating the fans at FedExField for making so much noise Bears QB Kyle Orton had trouble getting off his plays. I call that behavior bush league. In similar situations at NFL stadiums, the QB should step back and wait for the noise to subside, or until the home team is hit with a 15-yard penalty for unsportsmanlike conduct." I'm sorry good sir, I am sorry our fans cheated the Bears out of their just due at beating us. I mean we wouldn't want to have anything remotely resembling home field advantage for fear of winning. I wont be there this week, but I'm sure the hometown fans will keep quiet this week because we wouldn't want to be pummelled with your brazen comments again. Bush league? How brutal.

Boos to going to high school rivalry games. This is not Varsity Blues, nor is it West Canaan, TX (unless of course you actually do live there). Most likely your former high school sucks at football and could get beat by your local Community College Badmitten Scout Team, so stop paying for tickets to keep them afloat financially, just let them die out gracefully. If the players don't care about the game, why should you?

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Of movie quotes and sports addiction...

I've ensconced The Flying Trapeezius with a lot of sports stuff. I'm so happy football season is here, and that most of my teams are doing well. So, that has a lot to do with it.

So, I felt it was time for me to write about something else. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love sports, and if I could talk about baseball, football, and basketball, and get paid, I'd love it.

But I don't get paid to do that. Such a shame, really. If only I had played college football, I could've been a member of the Infamous ESPN Mafia that controls our minds, and, little by little, sucks away our Independent Sports Soul one bit at a time.


Here I go again...talking sports without really talking sports. It's so easy to do.

So, here I'm turning to a different topic this morning. As much as I love athletic competitions, I'm also a big fan of movies. I mean, I'm not a movie buff, and I'm certainly not a popcorn-munching, two-thumbs-upping movie critic, but I like a lot of movies.

So, I'm going to list my favorite lines. You know, those little quips you find yourself saying a lot that you really didn't come up with yourself. But these things work because 1) if someone has seen that particular movie, they know what you're talking about or 2) if they haven't, they think you're absolutely fricking brilliant.

I'm sure Krildog has heard most of these more times than he'd care to remember:

- "You can act like a man!" (feign slap) - The Godfather
- "They say no." - Gladiator
- "Oh, I think we'd like God on our side." - The Rock
- "Holy Lord." - Dirty Work
- "What shall we talk about?" - Raiders of the Losk Ark
- "Shoot her. Shoot her!" - Jurassic Park
- "Oh, I assure you." - Fletch
- "I bet you would, Panama Red." - Meet the Parents
- "The hate is swelling in you now." - Star Wars: Return of the Jedi
- "On any other day, that might seem strange." - Con Air
- "Look kids, Big Ben." - National Lampoon's European Vacation
- "It's like watching a bunch of retards trying to hump a doorknob out there!" - Dodgeball
- "Do you even know what a plethora is?" - Three Amigos
- "One day, I will be the most powerful Jedi EVER." Star Wars: Attack of the Clones
- "Double dumbass on you!" - Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home

That's all for now. I'm sure there will be more in the future.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

The Maize and Blue Blues

Wow. That's all I can say. UMich REALLY isn't that good this year. Let's play spoilers for someone's season. We can still screw up Minnesota's, Michigan State's, and THE Ohio State University's seasons. That's all I want this year, to be the spoiler. Oh and to Krildog, UMich will NEVER be irrelevant. I'm still sticking to my 9 - 3 season record prediction.

On to the Colts. Wow. But in another context. The "D" is looking impressive, but I'm not a true believer until I see the Colts vs. the Rams, Pats, Steelers, San Diego and even the Bungles.

I wish I could update more right now, but damn, I'm short on time. I hope to have another one up by the weekend.

Here's to the Colts.
Here's to my Wolverines playing spoilers.
Here's to grilling outdoors on a fall day.
Here's to a cold Killians.
Here's to cheering on YOUR team no matter how bad they are.

~Hail to the Victors.

Fear and Loathing in Hell with The New Mafia in Town

Before I move on to other things, let's recap in case you've been living under a rock, or gasp! just don't watch football, but the Cincinnati Bengals are leading the AFC North over the Steelers, the Washington Redskins are the only undefeated team left in the NFC East, and the Indianapolis Colts are 3-0 because of their defense. Don't worry I have my top researchers down in Hell to check the weather.

Boos this week to KrilDog for no Boiler bashing comments for Gene Keady. If his hatred for the Gold and Black are saved only for the football team kudos for not calling out Coach Keady for he is legend in this state, but he needs to make his bias clear in the future. Go Irish!

I say to you fair KrilDog that I enjoy your company and that the next statement has no bearing on you yourself, but I'm starting to fucking hate ESPN employees. No not just the analysts, but ALL of them. Why? Because I can! Before you all light your torches and assmeble the mob, you should all know that you are being brainwashed. This huge media giant is influencing everyone in the nation that has anything to do with sports. Louisville, a team that had everyone on their nuts about three days ago, before 6:45 PM, was ranked ninth because all ESPN talked about was their Naty run, and yes they lost. They lost to a 2-1 former CUSA team that has always given The Lou some kind of trouble (not to mention a stellar running game this year), and then the ESPN analysts talked up how bad they really are right until being ranked 24 in the nation. Coincidence? No fucking way! The ESPN-sters are like the mafia of sports entertainment, they don't kill, but more or less massage people into their way of thinking. No one on that channel has any opinion that is original and out of the box, except for maybe Woody Paige. And don't even get me started on that shock-jock, poor excuse to make himself famous Steven A. Smith. Quite Frankly, he's a douche bag. I used Louisville to make a point, but they have made some other assesments with other teams that I believe have affected them. USC for instance could lose 8 straight games and Mark May would be on Sports Center saying, "Hey I'm a black guy named Mark, and in other news just wait until these Trojans get fired up, their National Championship hopes are constantly rising. Can anyone even dent these guys?" Yes they are undefeated, but the only team they've played is Oregon. We'll see what happens with ASU this weekend, and ND in the weeks to come just to see how good they really are even though both are overhyped in much the same way. I just feel that ESPN is totally oblivious to the sports world I see and that they need to be stopped.

Okay now that the football stuff is taken care of, allow me to direct your attention to the movies -- yeah that thing you used to do out of the house before football started. Lord of War, the new Nick Cage movie, is about a gun-runner named Yuri Orlov who, well, sells guns to countries so that they can kill other people. It's a slick, non-romanticized story that as it's billed is Based on Actual Events. Lord of War has no conscience itself, but puts the burden on the moviegoer to react to the visual content and decide for themselves on whether what Mr. Orlov is doing is right or wrong. It explains with great insight a world which we often never think about, but remains souless enough to drag the viewer into the experience just a bit further than most of the other movies in genre released this year.

My take: In a market currently saturated with comedies, indie films, chick-flicks, and horror pictures, Lord of War delivers with something different -- a thought-provoking hint at the gritty connection of violence and money. B-

Monday Night Rumblings

Been a while since I've been here... sickness and an immense work load will do that to the guy. But I'm back and I've got plenty to say about a few things.

Before we get to the meat and potatoes of the entry, got a cool story to share. Tonight we did a remote from the Bucca Di Beppo's in Castleton. So after the show is over I'm rolling up the phone cord through the host area and I hear a voice behind me go "ESPN huh? I listen to ESPN 1000 all the time at home." Without looking I ask if the guy is from Chicago and he replies, "No, Laffayette." I turn around and sitting before me is Gene Keady. I'm freaking speechless at this point. My boss came over and talked to him and I just smiled and nodded. Very cool nonetheless.

Now, onto the rage:
  • Dear BoilerBitch The DriveKiller (trademarked and copyrighted 2005 in a joint venture between KrilDog, Inc. and Dr. Love Enterprises): YOU FUCKING BLOW! Just when I thought you might actually not have your black and gold loving head all the way up your ass you decide to shit on Soldier Field infront of the Windy City faithful. What I can't understand is why they left you in long enough to throw 5 fucking picks. Ditka would've had your ass on the bench after number 3, and the Junkyard Dogs would take turns punishing you for disgracing Halas' field. Bring on Jeff Blake!
  • Dear Bears Offensive coaching staff: You have Thomas Jones and Cedric Benson. Throwing the ball with King Turnover should be an absolute last resort, I don't give a fuck if the secondary all has polio.
  • Dear City of Indianapolis and American Media Outlets: if I have to listen to the collective lot of you bitch every time the Colts win and dont put 30+ points on the board, I'm gonna end up in a clock tower with a high powered rifle. A win is a win, and if power football and smashmouth defense are good enough for the 7-time world champion Chicago Bears then its good enough for all you bandwagon and fairweather fans.
  • Trent Dilfer: Honeymoon's over, bitch! Freeney broke your sack cherry. Don't worry, I hear it only hurts the first few times.
  • Dear Chad Johnson: Fuck Michael Flatley! You, sir are the True Lord of the Dance.
  • Rodney Harrison: Karma's a bitch, huh?
  • Eli Manning: Payback's a bitch, huh?
  • Chad Pennington has a worse arm than I do...left handed.
  • David Akers has balls of steel. Now shut him down for the year before his leg falls off. It'll never heal if he keeps kicking. I hear Rosenhaus is trying to get the hamstring to hold out for a better contract and wants it to go do crunches with TO in the driveway.
  • Daunte Culpepper and LT: thanks for letting me and countless other fantasy FB owners take the nooses down in our closets.
  • Dom Capers: hope you spent the Bye week packing your shit.
  • Ty Willingham: must be nice to suck at ND, get paid 12 mill to blow like a hooker on payday and then get bought out of your contract while you are secretly negotiating for your new job. Then, your old team comes to your new digs (which I must say are beautiful with the lake next to the stadium and all) and cornholes you. Congrats, you're Uncle Charlie's bitch; take your bullshit discrimination act to people that actually care, and keep it the fuck off of ABC during the game.
  • ND: pass defense blows, not a good sign with a pissed off Purdue team playing host this weekend. Expect a shootout that might not end in our favor. Now, had them Boilers not pissed it away again I would be more comfortable in picking the Irish since Tiller and crew would be overconfident. Now its a push in my least for today.
  • Anthony Fasano has mad ups for a white boy.
  • Michigan: Welcome to Irrelevance, population: YOU.
  • Who had the best performance over the weekend? You guessed it...Frank Stallone.
  • Colt's D has no nickname yet. What should it be?
  • Hang on, I think that Ryan Diem just got flagged for another false start.
  • Fuck! BBTDK (shorthand for Chicago QB 18) just through another pick. From the bench. While seeing 70,000 orange and blue maniacs taking a page from Lord Byron's playbook.
  • Antwaan Randle El just realized that lateraling to Hines Ward might not have been the best option at the time.
  • Steve McNair better make him some popcorn; come Sunday, he's got a date with the Multiplex, Corey Simon (tm Studicus).
Well this has been fun. Good to be back in the saddle. Off to bed for me.


Monday, September 26, 2005

The Colts D and Other Observations

After the Colts squeaked by the Browns Sunday, I was once again wondering exactly what happened to the offense. Then, I realized they don't have to score like an Arena League team every week because they can actually stop other teams.

Through three games now, the Colts have given up a paltry 16 points. The COLTS DEFENSE. Now, I know they haven't played any big Titans (although, ironically, that's who they face next week), but I'd say it's pretty impressive. A few analysts and fans I've heard and talked to say the Colts haven't played a single good offense. I was cautious after we dominated the Ravens, because their "O" is absolutely horrible. The Jags aren't exactly the '99 Rams either, but, in the last few seasons, they've given the Colts fits on both sides of the ball. That's something many "outsiders" (those unfamiliar with the Colts) don't realize. In addition, the Browns, while not exactly the Kansas City Chiefs (okay, not even close), have had a really nice run so far this season. Though undisciplined, raw, and still in search of an identity, the Dawgs of the Cuyahoga have their moments.

Good things about the D:

1) They hit hard (just ask Reuben Droughns, Antonio Bryant, Trent Dilfer, Lord Byron, and Kyle Boller)

2) They get into the backfield quickly (ditto Jamal Lewis, Fred Taylor, and the aforementioned quarterbacks)

3) They have Corey Simon, whose posterior is large enough to show the Star Wars Classic Trilogy on simultaneously...seriously, the dude's got a multiplex back there as Krildog and I noted yesterday

4) They are lightning-quick, from the front four, to the linebackers, all the way through the secondary

5) They keep the other team out of the endzone

Bad things about the D:

1) They have a tendency to be so fast and aggressive, that they overpursue, which is going to be interesting when teams start using more misdirection plays

2) They give up chunks of yardage, but that's the hallmark of the Tampa Cover Two (or the Buc 2 or the Dungy Cover Two, whatever) don't give up the big plays, and clamp down in the redzone

3) They let quarterbacks complete a high percentage of their passes...Dilfer was 18/19 at one point yesterday; no big plays, but still...

4) They sometimes don't finish their tackles, especially when they get penetration into the backfield on running plays (paging Cato June, paging Cato June)

So, there are good and bad things to look at. It's overwhelmingly positive, I have to say. I just want to remind folks that the defense isn't perfect, and has room for improvement.

Other observations...

Welcome to the Jungle! The Cincinnati Bengals are no longer pussycats. Their offense is explosive, and their defense has created a ton of turnovers. Of course, they confused the hell out of Kyle Orton and absolutely took it to Da Bears. I have to extend my apologies to Bears Superfan Krildog. I am from the eastern part of the great state of Indiana, and still carry a flame for the Queen City, which explains my affinity for the Cincinnati Bengals and the Cincinnati Reds. The Bungles are 3-0. AMAZING!

Shouldering the Blame. Chad Pennington, please stop trying to throw an out. It's painful to watch as you lob the ball without any zip on it whatsoever. Playing hurt can be noble and inspiring (it won McNair a not-so-well-deserved co-MVP a few seasons ago), other times it can kill your team. IN OVERTIME. Speaking of Pennington, does anyone else ever wonder if Jay Fiedler has to have a specially-modified helmet that will actually fit his ears? As Krildog said, the Dartmouth product looks like a hobbit!

And from Buffalo, there Shall Come a Savior...Three days ago, I checked the cave, and it was empty! That means Drew of Nazareth has Ascended in Dallas! His timing was perfect, too...just in time to screw over my fantasy team, which had a tough matchup against Krildog's team. On the other hand, having the Son of God around has its fringe benefits. The Cowboys never have to pay for Gatorade (Drew waves a hand, and water becomes Lemon Lime). Some other feats haven't been as well received. When He tried to feed Larry Allen and the o-line, He ran out of fish and loaves.

Lord Byron Middle Digit Watch: No sightings reported against the Jets this week.

Tom Brady Hard-On Alert: There are no two players the announcers love to orally (er, verbally) pleasure than Brady and Ray Lewis. With the Ravens on the bye this week, we didn't get to see Ray's pregame routine on all the NFL preview shows. Such a shame. But, if you saw any of that Pats-Steelers game, you kept hearing about how great Brady is. One even compared his last-minute drive against Pittsburgh to the great Super Bowl drives Captain Fortuitous led back in the day. Dear announcers: it's WEEK THREE. I can't really take anything away from Brady, other than the fact he's terrible in that incessantly played Visa commercial, but for the love of everything holy and sacred in this world, it's WEEK THREE. A little perspective, please.

Bob Kravitz Watch: He says the Colts are a Super Bowl team. I say he still isn't sure where his ass ends and his head begins. On the upside, he didn't write anything derisive this week about Mixmaster Ron "the Destroyer" Artest.

Friday, September 23, 2005

Palmeiro "names names," but doesn't

I heard Rafael Palmeiro got some bad B-12 from Miguel Tejada. That's interesting. Raffy's naming names (although his lawyer says his client "hasn't specifically identified anyone," which means he named Tejada, but didn't, yes I realize that makes no sense) now that's he's ruined his reputation. Apparently, Congress can't get Raffy for perjuring himself in front of them, and more importantly, a big TV audience. But remember, Captain Viagra has "never done steroids," er, "never knowingly done steroids."

Furthermore, if Raffy needed B-12...why not just eat a bunch of fish?

Speaking of which, and this isn't really a big revelation, but anabolic steroids supposedly, you know, make your boys about as efficient as the Patriots running game right now (big 2.7 YPG from Clock Killin' Corey Dillon). Raffy's been a spokesman for Viagra ever since it became available. the evidence right there? Is it that obvious that Raffy's need for extra power and endurance on the field created a converse need for a little extra power and endurance in the sack?

Just throwing that out there.

By the way, is anyone else disturbed that Major Leaguers are actually injecting one another with stuff? Jose Canseco says he 'roided up McGwire in a bathroom stall, while Tejada says he did give Raffy a shot of B-12. I don't know about the rest of you, but the very thought of letting a non-doctor or non-nurse stick a needle, um, wherever, pretty much scares the crap out of me.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Tarnishing Effects Due to Misguided Attempts to Lure in Viewers

Let me go on record and agree with my fellow TFT contributors by saying that it was a good weekend for football, but I think football as a whole is being tarnished one pregame show at a time. Yes, I know that watching football is to watch the game and that's the most important thing, but read on anyhow.

This weekend Louisville proved all the naysayers wrong and showed up an obviously overrated Oregon State team, Indiana beat a Kentucky team who should disband and never play football ever again (Mouse Trap might be a better choice, less actual skill involved in that game), and Notre Dame lost to MSU. On a side note, let me just say that MSU beats Notre Dame -- that is their goal in life. If MSU didn't beat Notre Dame every year they would never be ranked, and the AP has a need to rank as many Michagan teams (not to mention Big Ten teams) in the top-25 as possible -- conspiracy? It was a great come from behind loss that really showed what the team can do mentally and physically, but it's still MSU and they are still going to beat ND every year no matter what. But that's why it was a trap game, now wasn't it people. I digress.

To get back to the tarnishing...

I think we need some awareness on the over use of corny rap intros on football pregame shows. Let's count the ones I've watched so far, Gameday, Sunday Countdown, Monday Countdown, and CBS What-Ever-Its-Called. Why is rap taking over my football weekends? I know it has a little to do with the producers of said shows trying make their pregame show hip, but it's a football pregame show afterall. Trust me guys, you WILL get ratings, but enough already. What happened to the old school horns and drums, you know duh-luh-duh-luh-duh-luh-dunt-dunt-dunt-dunt? I like rap, I listen to it every so often, and I find myself tapping my foot to it, but the next thing you know the rappers are going to come out of the woodwork saying how football is their sport and it was made for them. I'd like to ask all of you to recall how many rappers have rapped about the movie Scarface. Hell there's even a rapper named Scarface. When the DVD came out a couple of years ago, I remember seeing all these shows on how that movie was made about them, and how its a rappers movie because it depicts the come up of a gangsta. The logic of the movie being about a Cuban refugee who gets killed at the end for fucking with too many people and being totally ignorant as to what Cocaine can do to your body must elude the American born, black guys. But who am I to say that the story of Tony Montana isn't a stellar blueprint of how a person should live their life? I say that sarcastically people. Football was not invented by or for rappers, so if you are a rapper and you are reading this, first of all congrats on being able to read, secondly before you actually come out and stake your claim to football for whatever reason, do yourself a favor and stick with Scarface to call your own because I'd hate to hear the logic behind it. And if you must involve yourself in football, stick to Madden games so at least I can turn off the sound.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

What a great football weekend!

Hey everyone! There was a lot of football going on this weekend and I want to start with the Notre Dame-Michigan State game. I admit I caught the tail end of the game at a birthday party but if not for a few dropped passes, Notre Dame would be 3-0 and the 10 year old brat screaming for the Spartans to win in a Notre Dame household would finally pipe down. I am sure that they will bounce back.

How about them Indiana Hoosiers? Now fans have something to cheer about in Bloomington in the fall. The Hoosiers are 3-0 after beating Kentucky. Didn't watch the game either but saw the box score the following morning. Congrats are in order for Coach Hop as he was not really given a chance by the media but has many Hoosier football fans thinking Bowl game possibilities. I hope they beat Purdue at the end of the year.

On to the NFL. The two teams that have really shown me something so far this season are the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and the Indianapolis Colts. The Bucs are 2-0 in large part because of rookie RB Carnell "Cadillac" Williams. Coach Jon Gruden had to been salivating like one of Pavlov's dogs when ol' Cadillac was available. For the past couple of seasons, the running game has consisted of a Pinto (Charlie Garner) and a Hummer (Michael Pittman). Now a brand new Cadillac is driving the Bucs running game to new heights since the days of Warrick Dunn and Eric Rhett. Oh yeah and the defense is playing like they are expected to play.

The Colts are a surprise team in my eyes not because of their 2-0 record, but because of their defense. Indy has the top scoring defense in the NFL and if they can get by those pesky Patriots then they will have a first class ticket to Detroit for Super Bowl 40. Hopefully, beer sales for the Super Bowl will be cut off after halftime for everyone else and before the game for Michigan natives. The Colts offense is struggling but so what? They are 2-0 and have played two of the top defenses in the NFL.

I think it is awesome that the Carolina Panthers beat the New England Patriots. They were the better team and Coach Belichicken is complaining about the goalline call in which Carolina scored a touchdown. Yeah, the guy was short but Belichicken is a big one to complain about instant replay. Instant replay was what helped you beat the Raiders and Jon Gruden in 2001 because Tom Brady fumbled the ball and apparently the refs were watching a different game than me but that is a different story. The Raiders would recover the ball and run the clock out and instead of the New England faithful calling Belichicken the next Lombardi, he would have been referred to another Pete Carroll and Tom Brady would have been compared to Bill Buckner, two guys that know something about dropping the ball or letting one slide underneath you. Without instant replay, the landscape of the NFL would have been much different. There is a good chance that both of your coordinators would have found head coaching jobs as they would have had the time to pursue those jobs. Jon Gruden would have stayed with the Raiders maybe or Al Davis would have got rid of him anyway. In closing, karma is a b!tch.

The Ballad of Lord Byron and his Middle Digit

And thusly Lord Byron was thrown to the turf, yet again, his futile toss of the oblong brown object once again falling incomplete.

And thusly Lord Byron found it fit to make his discontent known to the Defenders and their Lords, who apparently mocked him in disdain from afar.

And lo poor Lord Byron, so heated in rage, extended a most discourteous gesture unto the Defenders and their Lords.

Tho Lord Byron knew that several young squires might be watching this contest of might, he could not stop the gesture from capturing his tumult.

For we remember, the Blue Wave had crippled him, had beaten him, had flayed him, nearly remaking Lord Byron into several Lord Byrons.

And thusly, battered Lord Byron shouted a thousand things of ill repute, laying bare his discontent, and his Middle Digit of Might.

Monday, September 19, 2005

Another Great Football Weekend

Ah...I went to the Colts game yesterday, and wow, would someone call the doctor? The offense is sick, and I don't mean that in some ghetto, slang way. Peyton was off all day, and missed several big passes. The rush was in his face, even though he didn't get sacked. On the positive side, we won the game, but it wasn't pretty. Well, unless you like Smashmouth football, like Krildog. I mean, I love that brand of football, but I don't love it when the Colts start to look like the Ravens on offense. Oooops...I put "Ravens" and "offense" in the same sentence again, darn it! I'm not supposed to do that!

On the other hand, the Colts D played great, again. That's two weeks that the defense has Dominated. I respect the J-Cats offense a lot more than Baltimore's, especially since they've given the Colts problems before, so I'm convinced we're where we need to be on defense. It's a real switch: now I feel like a Baltimore Ravens fan...we know the "D" will be fine...but what about the other side of the ball!!? Isn't that crazy? I mean...the Colts almost appear patterned after the 2000 Baltimore Ravens. I mean, we've even got the rap sheet, with Mike "Big Gun" Doss, Montae "Just Keeping Calling" Reagor, Wife-Beating Nick "Big Stick" Harper, and, well, you get the point. Ray-Ray would be proud.

On the darker side, if Peyton even remotely resembles Kyle Boller or evil alter-ego "Foxboro Peyton" again this season, I'm going to hurt someone. Heck, maybe I'll even stab someone. Better yet, taking a cue from Ray-Ray, maybe I'll stab two people. Allegedly, of course.

Funny thing at the Colts game: the crowd roared a thunderous cheer every time the Dome showed the Panthers-Patriots game up on the board. It brought a tear to my eye; just knowing that the rest of the Blue Nation hates New England as much as I do was very heartening. So tragic to see the Brady Bunch lose on the road. I know I was crushed. But I won't kick the Champs while they're down. If there's one good thing about the Pats, it's that they have character, and rebound well from adversity. I don't like them, and blast it, I don't respect them, even though I should.

While I was pleased that the fans kept a close eye on the Pats score, they also ticked me off. Some geniuses in one section decided to orchestrate The Wave while the Colts O was on the field. I couldn't believe the stupidity, and then I remembered, it happens at every stinkin' game. Just when I think Indy "gets it," the fans shoot themselves in the foot. Do The Wave when the defense is on the field. Shut up when you see the "Offense at Work" sign up on the JumboTron. My brother and I were not participating in The Wave, and we got some dreaded Evil Eyes upon us, but all we did was point at the Jumbotron, which said, as any dope with a shread of common sense should know, to SHUT THE HELL UP.

Hey, I just read in the Indy Star that Coach Jack Del Rio is at it again. Del Rio, known for publicly whining about officiating after games, wanted pass interference on the last play of the game. "Live, it seemed like a pretty obvious call," Del Rio told reporters. It's a funny thing, Jackie-Boy, but the missed offsides call against your defense on third-and-long during the Colts Field Goal Drive was stunningly obvious as well, and I was in the Upper Deck. Oh...and, as usual, if you can believe it, Freeney got held every play. Yet, the Colts managed to sack Leftwich six times, and even nearly broke him in half. We all complain about officiating, but when you lose, and you blame the refs, it just comes off as asinine. Of course, residents of NFL World would be quick to lynch me, since, well, my Colts are responsible for the fact defensive contact downfield is a "point of emphasis." I suppose it's all a matter of perspective.

Sunday, September 18, 2005

Hoosiers Bowl Bound???

While I was watching football all Saturday afternoon at my grandfathers house my excitement of going to the IU vs. Kentucky game was increasing. I was watching the Virginia vs. Syracuse that was the game that was making my football day increase. Virginia won on a last second field goal but the game was a great game to watch. Also, before the Hoosiers was a hard fought game between ND and the Spartan. WOW that was a great game too. Only watch the first half, but still what a first half. There was good College Football all around for week 3.

As for the Hoosiers vs. Kentucky game that was probably the highlight of the day. Like usually I wanted to get there early to watch the KICKERS!! As I sat 19 rows up and on the 30 yard line it seemed like I was part of the game. I actually got a free shirt that says Hoosier Football. The Hoosiers Defense was amazing holding the Wildcats to just 20 yards for most of the first half and stopped the wildcats on 1st and Goal to go in at half 17-0. After watching what they did on defense I believe that they can compete with the Big Three in the Big Ten...Possible not beat them but compete. Hoosiers are now 3-0 with this week off and their next opponent being Wisconsin. Hopefully the Hoosiers will keep this up and win six games and make it to a bowl game.

Now, I just got finished watching the Colts vs. Jags and wow...I have never seen the Colts offense look so awful...Except for the EDGE. I believe he won the game for the Colts. Payton was definitely not himself this week, but that is ok...The Colts still get the victory. Also, another thing that makes my day is that the Patriots lost today...Good Job Panthers.

Saturday, September 17, 2005

Penn Station, Darwin, and Mangled Mandibles.

I hate people. The ones who dish it out, but can't take it, the ones who want to fight every mother fucker that comes at them, with even as little as a small joke, to prove their dick is bigger than a Penn Station peppermint. I hate the people who think if you talk to them you want to fuck them -- you know the egotistical, self-centered types who think they are the end-all be-all of human existance. Just because your hair is blonde, red, brunette or your titties are bulging out of that strap you call a shirt does not mean people want to fuck you! You arrogant fucking little cunts.

I think people should be able to smash another persons head into mush with a hammer at least once a year. If they were ballsy and if the other person let them, no unfair sneak-attacks either, just straight forward bludgeoning, then Darwinism's survival of the fittest, or whomever the hell coined it, would be the lay of the land. We would have a much smarter human race and there wouldn't be many assholes to step out of line for fear of a Craftsman to the frontal lobe. Now before everyone gripes and calls me Hitler, I said human race, not black, red, purple, magenta, cranberry, puce, mauve, periwinkle, or white race. Just think of it, some dick cuts you off on the highway and you are able to pick him/her to beat his/her skull in if you are physically able to. You do have a time limit, and if they stop you, they cannot choose you for up to one year after. It could even be televised with commercial breaks. One solid hour of Miller, Monistat, and mangled mandibles.

Hell it would give us all something to do after football season ends.

Friday, September 16, 2005

FC 's March to World Domination

I agree with Studicus 100%, going to Franklin was great. The only real draw back to it was its size. I mean...1,000 students at a higher ed school isn't very big. But sometimes, I stumble upon the occasional possibility that our alma mater might be a few heartbeats away from world domination.

I was on a business trip this week to a neighboring state, and met someone in my business that is of high-regard to his colleagues, nice all-around guy, and is actually a Franklin College graduate of the early 1970's. This was a kick as it is rare to run into to one outside the Hoosier borders. As we spoke I mentioned that I had taken a political science class in my day, at which point he said....."so you must of had your fill of Dr. __-____ ____. " No, those aren't blank spots, its just that I still fear the man to this day so I see no need to spell out is name, and those of you close to it all know who I'm talking about. Apparently this was the professor's first year at the school came at my new friend's senior year, and he was exactly the same then as he was now. It's amazing that I can travel hundreds of miles and yet Franklin College's lore travels with it. Tony...go get my nun-chucks!

Another grad of FC...Coach Terry Hoeppner is tearing it up at IU, and I think they can take down UK tomorrow and go 3-0. With all the talk about how great of a start Charlie Weis is off to in South Bend, when is the last time IU football has had something to cheer about? All thanks to another Franklin grad.

Another Maize and Blue Saturday

UMich vs. Eastern Michigan. Saturday. 12:00 pm. The Big House.

I'm hoping UMich bounces back after the total meltdown last weekend in the Big House. I have disliked the Irish my entire life (they run a close second to the Devil's spawn named "The" Ohio State University), and this past weekend just made me hate them even more.

Every year, I'm excited about the possibility of a National Championship with my Wolverines. Then they play ND...And I am crushed. Ok, so it's not EVERY year, but it seems that way.

Oh well, getting back to the game at hand. Looks like Hart is still hurting, but I'm not sure of his status. Grady will be a great back, but he needs some time. I'm predicting a 32 - 14 win for the Maize and Blue. They're playing Eastern Michigan. They better win. Can you even name EMU's mascot? I can, but that's only because I lived my first 12 years of my life in Michigan. This team is not as good as everyone thought they were to be. BUT, remember, this team is YOUNG. Starting QB and RB are sophomores. And they have to come back for next season.

Season record prediction: 9 - 3

Here's to Fall. Here's to Football. Here's to my Wolverines winning.

~Hail to the Victors.

Workin' for the Weekend

Ah...the weekend. I always appreciated weekends when I was in school. But now that I'm away from Northeastern High School and Franklin College, I don't have any reading to do or papers to write. So, even though I enjoyed the fact I didn't have to go to class on weekends, there was still stuff to do.

But now, in the great beyond known as the Quasi-Real World in which I live, weekends are even more important. If you want to read something, it's your choice (actual leisure reading!). Plus, thank the maker for this, football season has started. That Krildog and I get to watch games in thrilling High-Def on JumboTron C is even better! Heck, even when it's not in HD, it's great to have a big screen TV. JumboTron C makes Alan Colmes look good. Okay...I lied. Colmes looks even worse, if you can imagine, on a big screen TV. You just can't do anything about that. It's a shame Norm MacDonald is no longer on SNL. I bet his Colmes impression would be deadly!

In addition to watching football on TV this weekend, I'll get to watch it in person Sunday. With my brother, his wife, and my girlfriend, I'm going to see the Mighty Colts of Indianapolis do battle with the Jacksonville Jaguars. A lot of Colts fans tell me they don't fear the J-Cats, but let me tell you, they always give the 'Shoes quite a bit of trouble, oddly enough, even at home. We'll see just how well the Colts D can play when faced with an actual NFL offense. I mean, Jax isn't exactly the St. Louis Rams, but they're a lot better than the Ravens offense. Wait...did I use offense and Ravens in the same sentence? My mistake.

The Fighting Irish host Michigan State this weekend, and I think the Golden Domers should do all right. This has the very big possibility of being a trap game, but I think Weis will have the team ready to go. I just hope that whole Michigan thing wasn't a fluke. Let's face it, the Maize and Blue played like crap, especially Chad "the Giver" Henne. Of course, I have to defend the Irish against people who say the refs gave ND the game. Let's face it, sore losers, you're supposed to win at The Big House, especially when you're ranked in the top ten, and favored to win.

The IU-UK rivalry renews itself this weekend for the last time in a while. The Hoosiers have been on the losing end a lot lately (9 of the last 10, actually), and, while beating the Wildcats won't prove IU is for "real," it will definitely prove Hep is steering the team in the right direction. He's got people in IU actually excited about football, which is something I've NEVER seen in my lifetime. Let's hope they keep it going.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Just Checking to see if I am in

The Hoosiers are 2-0 and I am very pleased with the effort that Coach Hep is giving to the Hoosiers. Also, I believe the Hoosiers will possibly have a winning season. Yes, they do have a tough schedule, but I think they will surprise some teams. Coach Hep is what they needed here in the Hoosier land.

The Colts showed some very nice improvements on defense with the signing of Corey Simon. Looking forward in watching the Defense go and hit somebody.

The Pacers Season is just around the corner and as a season ticket holder I am pumped to get back in the grind of things with the Pacers. This is going to be the best chance they have in making it to the Ship. With the return of Artest and having a full season from Jackson and Oneal things will be great. Also, Jeff Foster is ready for a new season and I will be supporting the Jeff Foster Jersey.

That is all I am going to say for now

A humble beginning

Oh, where could I possibly start?

First off, the Krildog had a tremendous vision. I mean, he, Buckeye, and I constantly send e-mails back and forth about the stupidest things. The thing that really sparked this was a series of observations we made collectively about various football games over the weekend.

The things these guys say absolutely crack me up, and I am absolutely thrilled that we're blogging together. I'm a first-time blogger, long-time blog reader, so I hope it all comes out all right. I think you'll find all three of us (Misters Krildog, Buckeye McGuinness, and I, loyal Studicus) to be extremely insightful, passionate, caring, intelligent, and articulate and stuff.

Geez...sarcasm just doesn't translate as well when you're reading it, does it?

Oh well.

All right, first off, I work in morning news in Indianapolis at a high-quality organization that doesn't have a clue what it's doing. If you live in the area, you know that of which I speak (er...type). This morning, we had a story about a kid at Indiana University who got duped by some people who pretended they were IU campus police.

Ah, but in the horror of all horrors, the officers turned out not to be police at all. They were impersonators. And they stole the poor, drunken schmuck's wallet.

Now, I don't know how many of you have seen the movie "Dirty Work," but there's a great bit in Norm MacDonald's masterpiece in which Norm and his friend get beat up by some frat boys. They call the frat house after the ruckus, and tell them that police are raiding area frat houses, and stealing stuff. "But they're not real cops, they're fake cops," Norm says. He then calls the REAL police with a noise complaint at the frat house in question. As you can imagine, when the real police show up, the frat boys fight them off, thinking they're fake police. Norm and his pal then get to beat the crap out of them...because they're fake cops dressed as real cops. (Everybody got that?) As you can imagine, hearing about the IU student this morning made me think of that scene in the movie. "Dirty Work" is perhaps the greatest "bad" movie of all time.

Note for readers: You'll find that all three of us are extremely pop-culture literate, to the point where we'll have conversations that are nothing but lines from movies. Just be aware we reference this stuff A LOT. "Dirty Work" is a fave of both Buckeye and mine.

Now, it's football season, and I'm a major Indianapolis Colts fan. I mean MAJOR. I have four Colts jerseys (Jim Harbaugh's #4, Peyton Manning's #18, Dwight Freeney's #93, and a personalized jersey for myself emblazoned with #7), and too many Colts hats. Just ask Krildog...he'll tell you it's sick (even though, it we were talking about the Chicago Bears, he'd be all for it). Of course...I guess no one REALLY needs a hat shaped like a horsehead.

I love that horsehead hat.'s too hot to wear at the RCA Dome. However, I often think of a bad scenario with that hat. Once, Buckeye joked that he was going to pour a bunch of blue paint on me while I was sleeping, and then place the horsehead hat at the foot of my bed. When I woke up, I'd do the whole Jack Woltz thing from "The Godfather." The image haunts me to this very day.

Going to college with Buckeye and Krildog is definitely one of the highlights of my life. Both served as roommates (although, curiously, in different years of college), and both have a unique perspective on life. In fact, I think I'd even say all three of us should be nationally-syndicated columnists of note in either sports or random crud. I think we tend to write a lot like ESPN Page Two's resident New England import Bill "The Sports Guy Simmons. When I read his stuff, which is good when he's not talking about the mastery of the Patriots over my beloved Colts, I'm just amazed he gets paid. It's weird, because sometimes, I think Buckeye, Krildog, and me have been writing and sharing the same observations as Simmons before we ever knew who Simmons was. He combines sports with pop culture, and, well, that's pretty much our collective modus operandi.

Hmmmm. Well, I see that I'm in my very first post, and I'm ALREADY rambling. You'd better get used to it, dear readers of Flying Trapeezius. I'm not sure all of Blog-o-stan is ready for us!


Born of a series of humorous emails.

Named after a poorly concocted drink created during college.

Within these archives you shall find the opinions of many wayard souls drawn together by their common interests and senses of humor (and an eagerness to rag on each other).

This blog is the manifestation of the dreams of three men:

KrilDog - The brash young loudmouth from the south suburbs of the Windy City with a heart of gold and a weakness for junk food.

Studicus - Landord to KrilDog (he lets me sleep on his couch). The sarcastic voice of reason who lives his life like a vampire...the sleep all day, up all night thing, not the blood drinking.

Buckeye McGuinness - Dimunitive stick of dynamite who loves two things in life: anything having to do with the state of Ohio (though his lineage would seemingly make him fond of the Bluegrass State), and all things alcohol related.

These are their stories and thoughts. And if you want to join in on the fun, email and ask me nicely to be added as a contributor.

And now, our feature presentation...