Monday, October 31, 2005

No Football. Big Problem!

This felt like a week of No Football! No Problem! on TBS. The Cardinals don't play until Thursday against Pitt, Notre Dame was sitting at home and even a few of them were probably fucking 5-10 Catholic girls at a time (damn those girls are randy) and the Redskins? No, they didn't play either. One might have seen the game or possibly the ending score, but I hold true to my previous statement, "They didn't play!" As my last post will show, I was worried about the effect Wellington Mara's death would have on the Giants, and the effect was grim -- grim for the Skins. The Giants and the Skins split games last year, and the next meeting between these two is at FedEx Field, where opposing teams come to lose. Hopefully the Sinks can pull it off, but they have a few more games in the looming weeks ahead to be worried about. Until then, I'm content being ahead of the Philadelphia Eagles in the NFC East.

In Fantasy Football League news, I am in danger of losing my first game of the season in one of my leagues. I have a 189 to 172 (that's 17 points people) cushion over a 3-4 team who had 200+ yard Tiki Barber on his team. For all you Colts fans out there, my winning success has been attributed to the NFL's very own noun and transitive verb Edge, who is my stud running back. I like watching the Colts and I would say that I am a fan, but the Colts on a bye week might cut me deeper this week than the rest of you mere fans, as my unblemished record has a 17-point buffer and the 3-4 Andy Worhol has Jamal Lewis left as an attempt to capture his 15 minutes in the FFL spotlight.

On the league that a few of the TFT contributors might know about, Battle for the Coors Light Cup, I am 6-1 and have recently added to my record a win. It's bittersweet, this victory of mine, as the only other 6-1 team won as well, and his points total is greater than mine. The Virgin Destroyers and Dig Dug, square off on the cyber rectangle in week 11 and the way things are looking, Dig Dug and I will be playing for first in the league. I will save my trash talking for that is my style.

Who's ready for CHEER'S OF THE WEEK!?

Cheers to Notre Dame for giving Charley Weis a 10-year contract extention. Is it too early, possibly, but with a few teams needing head coaches in the NFL soon (coughvikingscough) it's good that they go ahead and wrap him up now before someone else makes him an offer he can't refuse.

Cheers to Texas Roadhouse's Ft. Worth Ribeye. Ordered Medium to Medium Well, this cut of meat is one of the best meals to be had. Add to that the sides of salad and potato, there are few better ways to add pounds to that frame of yours.

Cheers to November starting soon. New months bring clean slates. They are like the Gregorian Penicillin -- they cure that horrible mistake you made last month.

And the Ratzenberger Award, for the best CotW, goes to Bill Belichick for activating Tedi Bruschi in enough time to potentially rattle the cages of the only undefeated team left in the land -- the Indianapolis Colts. Next week's Monday Night Football game, comes after a bye for the Colts who usually do not play well after a bye or against Tedi Bruschi. Do the Colts' players know both of these facts? Yes, yes they do. You'd be a fool if you didn't think that at least a few of them were thinking about it.


Boos go to a lackluster football weekend. No Irish, No Cardinals, No Colts, and apparently the Skins forgot they had to play this weekend too.

Boos go to activities comming up that I can't make because of work. Why do I make the money if I can't spend it the way I want it? Read: Catch 22.

Boos to college parties that I don't get laid at, in fact Boos to all of Bloomington this weekend. All of my friends bust a nut in some regard, and I'm not even lucky enough to have a wet dream.

And the Ex Girlfriend Award, for the biggest BotW, goes to The Schwab on the Couch Potato -- part of Cold Pizza's Friday show. Who are you and who gives a shit about how many potato chips you give out to a day? What the fuck kind of rating system is that anyway? 4 bags of chips says that your system is no match for Cheers and Boos of the Week.


It was a very, very strange weekend of football. No Colts, no Irish. It got so bad, I took a trip to The Jungle to check out the Bengals. Those 6-2 Cincinnati Bengals. They played the Pack, and I wanted to see Brett Favre in person once before he retired. After five interceptions, a completely blown call from the refs, and the best steal this side of John Stockton (he is the NBA career steals leader), the game's conclusion took a hard left.

Let's set up the scene: despite intercepting five passes, the Bungles managed only 21 total points. After another less-than-successful Packers drive, the Bengals couldn't run out the clock, giving the ball to Favre and the offense inside the five. In order to move the ball quickly, Favre fires one deep. There's no way Packers wideout Andrae Thurman was going to get to the ball. Bengals safety Ifeanyi Ohalete had a shot, not a good one, at getting to the ball, but he never even got the chance because Thurman jumped up on his back, and pulled him down from behind.

This bonehead play should have been offensive pass interference. Instead, the referees, apparently hoping for another legendary Favre comeback, called it against the Bengals. You shouldn't make 65,000 rabid fans angry (of course, not everyone there was a Bengals fan, but permit me literary license for effect). Paul Brown Stadium erupted, as replay after replay showed Thurman pulling what's-his-name down from behind. A 48-yard penalty. First down, Packers!

Then, Favre drives the team downfield to the Bengals' 28-yard-line. Keep in mind, despite all the interceptions, the Bengals are ahead by just a touchdown. A score from the Pack would tie it up. So, the Packers run a play, Favre starts to drop back, and this Bengals fan takes the ball right out of his hand!!! The crowd, madder than a nest of hornets, cheered the guy on as he went to the 40, the 50, the 40, the 30, he could go all the waaaaaaaaay! He was juking and spinning like Barry Sanders, Emmit Smith, and Gale Sayers combined. Avoiding security personnel, he held the ball up triumphantly as he headed toward the endzone. At the 10, he tried to put a move on a big security guy. It was like the man ran right into a brick wall. Down goes drunky! Down goes drunky! The! The man was taken off the field, where I'm sure he got a stiff talking to. Simply astounding.

Meanwhile, in a different movie, Favre gets sacked, and tries to spike the ball to stop the clock. But, wait, that tricky Southern Miss grad is doing the ol' fake spike, confusing everyone, including his receivers. They just stand there, then decide to run downfield. Sensing the rush, intrepid Brett scrambles 15 yards downfield and then throws a shovel pass. Time expires as flags for illegal forward pass fly, and the Bengals preserve a victory.

It's the strangest ending I've ever seen. Just ask Buckeye McGuinness, who was also there. Who do you think took the pictures? (cue Dirty Work reference)

Thursday, October 27, 2005

No Colts? No Irish? What do I do!!!?

It's so nice to see the Flying Trapeezius just roll along! There's no better feeling in the world than logging on, and seeing new posts. That's why the internet is so successful...people keep checking, and get excited when they see new content.

All right, the Colts are on the bye this weekend, and Notre Dame also has an open date. What is a diehard fan to do under these conditions? Well, as I mentioned in previous posts, I'm heading to the Bengals game this weekend.

I have an unhealthy interest in the Colts, a fact I'm sure everyone who's ever met me is painfully aware of. But before Jim Harbaugh ever donned the blue and white, I was a Bengals fan. Harbaugh, aka Captain Comeback, changed the way I look at the game. A fierce competitor, he always played with his emotions on his sleeve and a never-say-die attitude I'll never forget. Yet, while I cheered on the Colts, I always kept an eye on The Jungle. Unfortunately, about the only thing you'd find in the jungle over the past 15 years is a history of futility and embarrassment.

You can sum up the Cincinnati Bengals over the last few years in six words: bad draft picks, poor personnel decisions. Quarterbacks like David Klingler and Akili Smith. One of the few decent years they had, the Bungles brought Boomer Esiason out of frozen carbonite and watched him briefly revitalize the franchise before he got hibernation sickness and decided to retire. Over the past two seasons, we've been waiting for them to break out. It finally looks like things are starting to take shape, with USC star-cum-NFL stud Carson Palmer under center, and dangerous threats like Johnson and Johnson, T.J. Houshmandzadeh, Chris Perry, and Chris Henry.

We'll see how they rebound this week against the Packers, after the Steelers pretty much handed them their lungs last week. Cincy is a young team, and I'm afraid they may overlook Green Bay after getting drubbed. The Cheeseheads look completely finished, but you can't count Brett Favre out, especially when it looks like the Bengals should win easily. I don't think the concept of an easy win even exists in the NFL, no matter what the scoreboard looks like during 49ers games.

Well, I guess we'll find out Sunday, when I hit Paul Brown Stadium to see what the Bengals are really made of. Who knows, if the stars align, I may even have some Skyline Chili with Buckeye McGuinness.


Just a small town girl, livin' in a lonely world
She took the midnight train goin' anywhere
Just a city boy, born and raised in south Detroit
He took the midnight train goin' anywhere

A singer in a smokey room
A smell of wine and cheap perfume
For a smile they can share the night
It goes on and on and on and on

Strangers waiting, up and down the boulevard
Their shadows searching in the night
Streetlight people, living just to find emotion
Hiding, somewhere in the night

Working hard to get my fill,
everybody wants a thrill
Payin' anything to roll the dice,
just one more time
Some will win, some will lose
Some were born to sing the blues
Oh, the movie never ends
It goes on and on and on and on

Don't stop believin'
Hold on to the feelin'
Streetlight people

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Washington @ New York: the intangibles

Washington @ New York: the intangibles
Something that scares me about Wellington Mara's death this week: the Giants play the Washington Redskins. Football is a game of emotion, and even though the NFL is sometimes criticized for being emotionless due to multi-million dollar contracts and the like, when a team comes together and plays their heart out great things happen. Remember, the Carolina Panthers of last year -- 1-7 to start and came back to end the season 1 game out of the wild card at 7-9? Heart. Emotion.

These are the best of the best college players who play in the NFL. NFL players make up the lucky few to get picked from the 50+ man rosters, from the 117 Division-1 college football schools, but their luck comes from skill. When you assemble a 11-man offense and an 11-man defense from these collegiate talents, and they play with the emotion of a college team, they become a proverbial wrecking ball.

The Giants may become that wrecking ball this Sunday as they play at home in the Meadowlands in the first game since their long-time owner past away. Mara's dad bought the rights to an NFL franchise in the 1920s for $500, and Wellington had been apart of the New York Giants organization since. He was instrumental as a GM, bringing in the likes of Frank Gifford and Y.A. Tittle in the 50s and 60s, and later hired the GM who brought in Bill Parcels, Phil Simms, and Lawrence Taylor in the 80s -- the latter three won the Super Bowl twice and broke a streak of years without a championship.

To lose Wellington Mara is like losing the team itself, and Sunday the Giants could play to keep the team and fans alive in New York as if it was there last game there, and with a win would keep the Giants alive at the top of the heap in the NFC East. Something that would do justice to the man who revived his team so many times over the years from strings of mediocre seasons. As a Redskins fan I fear for Sunday's game at the Giants, for more than just losing a part of the team, but for the 31-7 blowout the Giants accrued from Washington last year.

Though when talking about the whole of the matchup on Sunday, the Giants are only have the puzzle.

Emotion is something Washington knows a little about, however; after grinding out 3 of their 4 wins by a total of 6 points and losing their only 2 on game ending drives, they know how to hang in and compete. The Redskins shouldn't be a push over Sunday, and with the NFC East being the only division in The League with every team over .500, it looks to be a pivotal game that neither team will play without emotion.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

In Memorium

Wellington Mara: 1916-2005

The Myth of Whiny George

I hate to kick a man when he's down, but good grief, can it get any worse for the New York Jets? I mean, the ageless Vinny Testaverde is down, who knows for how long, and now they're stuck with Brooks Bollinger again!

They brought in Vinny T because they didn't have any confidence in the other guy. Now, with Chad Pennington and Jay Fiedler down, who do they turn to?

Only one man can save the Warriors of the Meadowlands, a man who distinguished himself on nearly every single NFL team in the league. C'mon, ladies and gentlemen, you know who I'm talking about. The King of Warren Central, the beloved prodigal son of the Indianapolis Colts, Minnesota Vikings, Washington Redskins, Oakland Raiders, and Atlanta Falcons....


You know, it's strange, when running down the teams that have made George a part of their "history," it seems like there should be more. Because every year, when a quarterback struggles, or gets injured, Jeff George's agent calls an NFL team to let it know "the legend of Jeff" still lives. And he needs a job, because his 37-year-old Super Arm is still as strong as it was in high school. Of course, with Whiny Boy George, the arm has never been the problem. It's his head, it's his attitude. It's his belief that he's sooooo good, he's better than anyone else. And this isn't just confidence we're talking about here. This is the "blame other people when things go wrong" kind of ego that becomes a cancer when things inevitably go wrong.

Since Detroit hasn't called yet, the only logical place for Super Jeff is New York!


Monday, October 24, 2005

At 7-0, Colts look to exorcise the Curse of Foxboro

Watching the Colts-Texans game was a topsy-turvy experience for me. The most important thing is that the Colts came away with a road win, never too easy in the NFL. But there were a few warning signs I saw during the game.

First of all, it's clear to me that Peyton Manning and Brandon Stokley are not on the same page of the playbook. Stokes was Manning's third down machine last season. This year, they're just not clicking. There's still a lot of football left to play, but I'm a little concerned about this. Stokes has dropped some passes, run some wrong routes, and just doesn't seem as sharp as he should be. Of course, the same thing can be said about Peyton. The interception he threw was awful, and he missed Stokley on a post pattern in the endzone...and it wasn't even close. We all know defenses are dropping back a whole platoon, giving the Colts short passes, and some stuff over the middle. But, in the few opportunities Manning has had to go one-on-one downfield, he's not been able to convert. It's been kind of like the Kansas City game last year, when he missed Marvin Harrison on several long balls. Still with nine games left, the Colts are 7-0, so I should be somewhat happy.

I have no delusions, however. This is a good football team, but the schedule hasn't been that tough. The Ravens are much worse than I could ever have imagined. Same goes for the Titans. I don't even need to talk about the Niners and Texans. The Rams and the Browns aren't exactly playoff-caliber, either. The only really good team the Colts have played is the J-Cats, a divisional rival who's got a pretty good defense. But 7-0 is 7-0, no matter how you stack it.

I like how the Colts are doing it; they're running the ball and playing solid D. I am concerned about a smashmouth team like Pittsburgh (mark your calendars for MNF on November 28th), but we'll just have to see. If defenses are going to take away the pass, then the Colts will just have to learn to R.E.A.D. (Run Edge All Day). Of course, that's exactly what they've been doing. I mean, Edge is leading the NFL in rushing yards. He's got 7 TD runs, which is fantastic. We've been dinking and dunking like we're the frickin' evil New England Patriots, who are next on the hit list. If Indy is able to beat that team, I'll be elated. They will have shown a lot of improvement from last year. Even if it's not a playoff game, the Razor is a tough place to play, and another Foxboro (or Foxborough) Folly would be absolutely devastating for the Colts.

The Horseshoes now enter a much tougher stretch for the season's second half (okay, it's not literally the halfway point, but it may as well be). On the docket: The Pats, Bengals, Steelers, Chargers, and Seahawks. There's also another tough game against the Jaguars. This time, it's a road game, and they're pretty darn tough down there. The Colts are bound to drop a couple of these games somewhere down the road. Remember, sometimes, good football teams get beat, and every time, great football teams bounce back the next week.

I'm glad the bye week is next week. The D is awfully banged up, and needs the chance to heal.

Now that I've discussed the Colts, I've got a new thing I'm trying this week. Basically, it's just random observations. I'm calling it "TFT's Blow the Whistle."

The Texans really blow. If this is a NewsFlash for anyone, I'll have to beat you with David Carr's chinstrap. I've seen some bad teams, I've seen some bad Texans teams, but I've never seen a team just completely fall flat on its face. Even the new expansion team Texans played with heart for several seasons. These guys are just done.

Back on the Good Boat. Somehow, the Vikings managed to come back and beat the Pack this week. Amazingly enough, no STDs were transmitted. This week. Once again, why hasn't Mike Tice been fired yet?

They're the Best Team with a 3-4 Record I've Ever Seen! Listen, I keep hearing how terrific the Chargers are. They are a good squad, but Riddle Me This: if they're soooooo fantastic, why do they keep losing games like that?

I'm the best back in the NFL, bitches! Hey, Willis McGahee, 3.1 YPC. You were outrushed by Lamont Jordan, who plays on a team that doesn't even like to run. To be fair, though, it's hard to play without the Son of God under center, and with "emotional leader" Takeo Spikes out for the year.

BQWSRNBEAROABG Watch: 15/29, 145 yards, TD. Another Bears W, thanks to Thomas Jones and a really great defense.

Dad's Mad at Someone. Facing a potential game-winning drive, Drew of Nazareth throws critical interception. Where's your Dad now, Bledsoe, ehhhhh?

Changing their stripes. The Bengals got steamrolled by the Steelers. Unfortunately, my second-favorite team is starting to look vulnerable, and Carson Palmer had his first rough game of the year. I think they'll bounce back next week. After all, the Packers are in town. I'll be at that game, it'll be great to watch Favre in person. Would've been better to take care of that three seasons ago, however.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

George Clooney was never Batman

While struggling to sleep yesterday in my vampire-like existence, I was actually awake when the Krildog returned home from work. While finishing up a game as mighty Notre Dame on NCAA 2006, we decided it'd be fun to watch Batman Begins, just out on DVD.

And so, we did, watching together as Christian Bale went on his way to becoming The Batman. Great movie. The special editions of the previous Batman films also came out in a big boxed set, but, honestly, does anyone really want to buy Batman & Robin? I mean, I hated Batman Returns, and some people hate Batman Forever, which I enjoyed somewhat, but universally we can all agree that George Clooney in the cape and cowl never happened. It's like Godfather Part III and Rocky V. Those never happened either.

More Random Thoughts with Ellipses...

Despite opinions to the contrary, you do have to have a Roethlisberger to successfully run the Steelers offense...I'd pay to see Christian Bale, Michael Keaton, Adam West, and Val Kilmer stick George Clooney in a woodchipper for the movie that never happened...for my money, original Mike & Ikes beat Tropical Mike and Ikes, even if the latter was provided free to Krildog as a bonus to Batman Begins...Ride it, baby, Kelly Holcomb will still be a back-up next year, even if he leads the Bills to a lot of wins...You heard it here first, Charlie Weis' playbook is my player of the year...In a shocker, Bob Kravitz criticized Ron Artest in his column this morning...Who would have thought it: Buckeye McGuinness left my apartment without his Warsteiner or Guinness in hand...Blitz: The League actually looks kinda fun...Rusty Bladen may be the Karaoke King of Crawfish County, but he still sucks...Cato June sure looks like a Pro Bowler to me, and I'm don't mean he's gonna have a Marlboro hanging out of his mouth while holding a Bud in his left hand and a 12-pound ball in his right...Tedy Bruschi will make some sort of WWE-like return just to mess with the Colts' psyche on November 7th...Better believe it, if the Horseshoes lose to the Texans this weekend, David Carr is one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse...

Monday, October 17, 2005

What a weekend!

We sort of updated TFT once during the Irish game. I think we would have updated it more if the ending had been better. Krildog, Buckeye McG, and I are still trying to recover. In fact, we've called for a moratorium on the topic so we can cool off.

And now, a moment of silence for ND's national title hopes.

Thank you. You may be seated.

That's all I have to say about that.

Big game for the Horseshoes tonight. I think the defense is for real, but if we can hold down the Rams (even with Holt and Bruce injured), that says a lot. I'm a little scared because, with Mike Martz out, St. Louis' playcalling may actually make sense.

Okay, I said Buckeye's visit would leave Krildog and me changed forever, and I wasn't lying. It was a tremendous weekend full of football, stupid movie quotes, and a little bit of liquid fun. Hail to Rusty Bladen, everyone's favorite Karaoke King of Crawfish County (yes guys, I actually remember that). He may not know any Neil Diamond music, but he sure can butcher cover songs. Actually, he wasn't that bad, but I was a little fired up. That probably had to do with that game we're not talking about.

Actually, it had more to do with liquid courage and the fact Cocksuck McFreeball (that's F-R-E-E BALL) didn't sing Neil Diamond's "Sweet Caroline," even though I asked very nicely. That failure ended with a continuous string of heckling. I have to say at least I came up with something original. No one's ever screamed "YOU SUCK" and "YOU BLOW" as many times in one night.

I have to write a quick rundown of the best moments from Buckeye's trip this weekend. These are in no particular order.

Best of SNL Christopher Walken. That has to be one of the funniest things I've ever seen. Walken is a real freak, but we love him anyway. If you haven't seen it, go buy it immediately if you like Walken at all. Buckeye and I watched it twice this weekend. Concordantly, Krildog has been constantly assaulted by three quotes from that DVD: 1) "Now there's no way of stopping the bird attacks!"; 2) "I pranked him to death with a tire iron!"; and 3) "I hate Stiffly Stiffersons. I wanna prank them for hours in my basement." Actually, there are plenty more, but I'm pretty sure those are the most quoted this weekend.

John L. Smith goes supernova. At the end of the first half, MSU tried to rush a field goal against OSU. The Buckeyes were getting dominated, and it looked like it was going to pretty much be a blowout. The field goal was blocked, and returned by OSU for a touchdown. You could see Smith arguing with his coaching staff before, during, and after the play. And, in a Quintessential TV Moment, Smith absolutely went off about his coaching staff. Two seconds into the interview, Krildog said Smith was going to uncork some profanity. Though mild, it indeed followed just seconds later.

The Vikings Sex Cruise discussion on NFL on Fox. There's nothing like listening to JB, Terry, Howie, and Jimmy talking about sex. It was probably the most uncomfortable moment I've ever seen them share together. Hearing JB come back from break by casually saying, "And now more on that Minnesota Vikings Sex Cruise," was hilarious. I also enjoyed Jay Glazer's report on how there were two boats: a good boat, and a bad boat. All throughout the Bears-Vikings game, when a Minny player would mess up, we'd say, "Looks like he was on the bad boat." Why hasn't Mike Tice been fired yet?

The Vikings Sex Cruise discussion on NFL on Fox, part II. Howie decided it'd be a great idea to compare the Vikings' sinking ship to the Britannic and the Titanic. "I don't care if your ships sinks after three months or on its maiden voyage," said Professor Firestorm, "If you go down, you go down." Jimmy Johnson then made a reference to team chemistry, sex, and the fact the Vikings were a sinking ship.

The time Studicus became a witch. I was showing off the picture-in-picture function on my big TV, dubbed, JumboTron C, and Buckeye was sitting on the right side of the room. Since I wanted to watch the IU game, I wanted to make sure he kept on eye on OSU. So, I used the remote to magically move the little picture with the OSU game from the left side of the screen to the right side. As it floated over in Buckeye's direction, he jumped out of his chair, and shouted, "You're a witch, aren't you!!!?" I guess you had to be there.

Time to invade. Both Buckeye and I are morning people. Dear Krildog is not. Sometimes it's hard to get to JumboTron C because, well Krildog has the couch, and I'm not going to wake him up. That posed difficulties for us, because we were dying to watch HDTV. So, when we would hear Krildog stir in the morning, I'd look at Buckeye and say, "It's time to invade." But don't worry, we didn't go in without a plan to win the peace, like some people. I made sure to make plenty of food for the games.

Ah, I see it's really starting to get out of control. So, I'll stop for now, and wish you all a great day. Let's keep it going, Colts!

After a lousy Saturday, I have only one thing to say...

Bring on the Fucking NL.

2005 AL Champions.

Win Or Die Trying, Baby!

Saturday, October 15, 2005

Another reason why Michigan sucks

By "Michigan" I mean the state, not just the Wolverines...because a few minutes ago John L. Smith....head coach of the Mich. St. Spartans, just lost it on a TV interview when he blamed the botched field goal attempt that the Buckeyes ran back for a touchdown on his assistant coaches.

Umm....last time I checked, he has the responsiblity for that mistake. The fact that he lambasted his assistants on national TV in the middle of a close game goes to shows that he has lost all self control.

As a huge Buckeye fan, I will admit the Buckeyes have no right to win today based on their first half play. Even though the late first half touchdown brings them within three points, they still shouldn't win. But the fact that the Spartans coach has offcially lost his composure, he might blow the game for his kids because he has started to blame other people for things he is in charge of.

This is the first step to failure, and that's reason #97 why Michigan sucks.


Wow! We are finally here, day of the great battle between the Irish and USC. There hasn't been so much hype for an sporting event since the paris hilton sex tape went online. The funny thing is there are four other games with both teams in each being ranked. But no one cares know why.....

Cheer, cheer for Old Notre Dame,
Wake up the echoes cheering her name,
Send a volley cheer on high, Shake down the thunder from the sky!
What though the odds be great or small, Old Notre Dame will win over all,
While her loyal sons are marching Onward to victory!

As the day goes on, we will update you on the stupid side of the game, as I am with Studicus and Krildog in person this weekend. Unleash the Guinness......Brillant!

Friday, October 14, 2005

Your Boy Is Back

I'm glad to see that my fellow contributors have not let this blog go to Hell in my absence, though I didn't expect that they would, it's always a comfort to come back from a vacation and see that some things haven't changed.

While in Va -- that's V-Ahh -- I discovered that almost everyone had a vanity license plate. Upon further research I found that it is a free service thus the quantity of creative folk. Because I am back, and the fact that I am such the innovative writing genius that I tell myself while looking in the mirror, I will make predictions on five college football games and five NFL games in seven-character license plate-ese.



More of a post will come soon, but I'm still incredibly tired from flying from the eastern time zone to the eastern time zone -- jet lag, even when it's almost nonexistant, is a bitch. Well there you have my picks and some ease because I am back. Ciao readers.

A True Christian Message For The Weekend...

Thursday, October 13, 2005

My Picks of the Week

Book of the Week
  • Vince Flynn's "Consent to Kill: A Thriller"

Album of the Week

  • System of a Down's "Mesmerize"

Song of the Week

  • The Avalanches' "Frontier Psychiatry"

Movie of the Week

  • Wallace and Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit

Television Show of the Week

  • Smallville

Wednesday, October 12, 2005


You know, I was really felt bad for Krildog this week. You know, more than normal. The Colts played the late game, and that meant he got to watch Da Bears.

Then, he had to watch a terrible game the Bears should have won. But the Bears Quarterback Who Shall Remain Nameless Be It a Reminder of a Blown Game (BQWSRNBIAROABG), combined with Cedric "the Entertainer" Benson conspired to hand it to the Browns.

Furthermore, I had to watch that awful game, since Fox had the doubleheader this week. There were a thousand other games I would rather have seen, but that's what I had to watch. I don't mind watching a Bears game with Krildog, but watching it on my own was miserable. No expletive-laced ranting. Zero objects thrown in rage. No shouts of "double dumbass on you" or "how do you like that, bitch!!?" I even longed for Krildog's pleas hoping that the BQWSRNBIAROABG would get hurt. It's really just not the same experience.

In addition, and I don't mean to hate on Da Bears, but I have to say that, if I had to pick two teams that I didn't want to watch, the Bears and the Browns would be at the head of the class. To quote the legendary Patches O'Houlihan, "It's like watching a bunch of retards trying to hump a doorknob out there." That's how I felt while watching that game.

Of course, I'm not a Bears diehard like Krildog. I mean, I was going to say that I wanted to shoot myself during the game. That's no big deal. I mean, he would've wanted to shoot himself after the game, especially when BQWSRNBIAROABG fumbled the ball. That guy, and I'm referring here to BQWSRNBIAROABG, not Krildog, just can't get a break. He had a freaky fumble, but he'd never find compassion from my former roommate. Seriously, BQWSRNBIAROABG could be the victim of a drive-by shooting while trying to rescue a kitten from a tree, and Krildog would say he deserved it.

Of course, after watching a few Bears games, I'm not sure I'd be able to disagree.

A few thoughts on Game 1 of the ALCS.

OJ-Wan Kenobi before he and AC-Gon Jinn faced off with Darth Furhman and the rest of the LAPD Sith lords.

Been wanting to use that pic for 2 weeks now...

Had a chance to stretch out on the couch with my Chicago Bulls blanket and watch Game 1 in all of it's HD glory. Excellent game from both sides with the Angels showing no signs of fatigue. Awesome pitching from both starters and nice work out of the bullpen as well. However, way too many attemped (and failed) bunts for the pale hose tonight. Plus, we ran the bases like a bunch of retards. I have to wonder if that's Joey Cora's (Sox 3b coach) fault or if the players have ADD. Might be a combination of both as I've seen some shitty running from this organization over the past 10-12 years. Also, Ozzie should really remember that A.J. Pierzynski is a catcher and if your catcher isn't named Jason Kendall you are out of your fucking mind trying a hit and run with said catcher on first. From what I have read it appears people weren't reading signs correctly. Well that's the kind of shit that gets you swept, doesn't it? Most experts are picking the Sox to win in 5 or 6 games; hopefully the California/LA/OC/Anaheim/SoCal/fucking long and convoluted name that is being battled upon in the courts soon Angels start getting tired and the Sox can put these guys away for good. Sweep would be nice but I think this could end up going 6 with the South Siders prevailing.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Random Musings

The Colts put together a pretty subpar performance this week, yet still managed to win by 25 points. The Niners sure threw Alex Smith to the dogs. I mean, I usually don't buy into it when the experts say things like, "The Colts are going to kill Alex Smith," "They're going to eat him alive," "Alex Smith will be black and blue instead of gold and red." You get the point. Anyway, this time, they were actually right. The Colts did feast on the blood of the sacrificial QB. Yet, I had a feeling of uneasiness throughout the whole game. Bad tackling, inefficient offense, and the penalties, oh the penalties. But they pulled it out, and they're 5-0, so I shouldn't really be one of those naysaying naysayers.

Random thoughts with ellipses...

Print it: Tom Brady is the new Peyton Manning; Peyton Manning is the new Tom Brady...Deuce McAllister's knee injury will kill my fantasy team in the Money League...No doubt about it, the Colts Defense saved my butt this week in fantasy football...Kurt Warner's pride will be hurt, along with his groin, when Josh McCown continues to start...7-Up Plus Cherry is a lot better than 7-Up Plus Wild Berry...The West Wing may just be the best TV drama ever conceived by man...For my money, you can't beat NCAA Football 2006 on the Xbox...HDTV is God's gift to football fans...Better believe it, there's nothing more thrilling than NBA preseason action...Sign and date it: Revenge of the Sith will be the best Star Wars DVD ever...Buckeye McGuinness' weekend visit may be the end of Studicus and Krildog as you know them...Canadian beer beats domestic beer, but we have better TV ads...if you add Bailey's to Yoo-hoo, you get an Irish Cow...Don't knock it until you try it: Big Kahuna's Blowout Number One...Colin Cowherd knows about as much about baseball as I know about R&B music...And finally, if Notre Dame loses by less than three, Charlie Weis' playbook is my player of the year...

Saturday, October 08, 2005

Random Thoughts from A Self Professed Dork

In no particular order, but numbered for your pleasure.

1. Is common sense really all that common? I contemplate this question everyday when I walk in the laboratory door. Some of my chemist co-workers cause me to ask this question to myself day after day after day.

2. American football has become more and more watered down and "pussified" as rules are bent and changed in the advantage of the team on offense. A player cannot touch a quarterback anymore without fear of getting a personal foul - roughing the passer call. The Deacon Jones head slap needs to make a comeback. I'd love that...

3. I honestly cannot wait for the next Harry Potter movie.

4. Have you ever imagined an existence with no hypothetical situations?

5. When viewing a movie in a theater, when did they decide to start airing television commercials BEFORE the normal previews and trailers? That is annoying.

6. Hare Krishna. George Harrison is my favorite Beatle.

7. 'Lost' is a great television show, but I was hoping for a supernatural basis to the show. Locke is great.

8. 'Smallville' is a great television show. The Fortress of Solitude is now here!

9. We need some more Jack Bauer on the tube, and I can't wait until the New Year for it.

10. When will Republicans and Democrats come to the realization that they have become the same party?

11. In just three seasons on the Xbox (NCAA Football), I have taken Idaho to the NCAA Championship with a win in the Rose Bowl.

12. When did personal responsibility and self-reliablity become a thing of the past?

13. Autumn is the best time of the year. Enjoy it. Pretty soon, the crappy cold, snowy weather will be here.

14. Enjoy your time. Relax. There is no need to be stressed out all of the time. There is also no need to be relaxed and laid-back all of the time. Challenge your brain every once in a while, but also give it a chance to take a break.

15. Read a book. The TV Guide or Reader's Digest does not count. (Reader's Digest sucks.)

16. I'm working on a few more tattoo designs. I love the one I have, and one day, I hope to save up enough money to get another.

17. Fair Tax.

18. I'm voting to name the new stadium for the Colts, the "Cialis Dome" or "Soybean Stadium".

19. Go out and get the Foo Fighters somewhat new album...In Your will not be disappointed.

20. Hockey is back! Go Red Wings!

21. Michigan vs. Minnesota. UMich wins 24 - 23 to up there record to 4 wins and 2 losses on the year.

22. Johnny Carino's restaurant here in Greenwood is quite good. The bread with fresh garlic smothered in olive oil is tasty.

23. Colts vs. 49ers. Colts should win pretty easy (i.e. 38 - 7), but I don't have a good feeling. I do love watching Marvin Harrison and Peyton Manning. What a duo!

24. Jason Whitlock. A moron to the Nth degree. Sometimes, I really think he believes that crapola that spews from his mouth on TV or from his mind to his fingers and finally to his keyboard on ESPN Page 2. Get over your love affair with Jeff George. It's creepy.

25. "A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects. "

- Lazarus Long, 'Time Enough for Love, The Lives of Lazarus Long' by Robert Heinlein...

Thursday, October 06, 2005

There goes my cherry

I would like to start off by welcoming myself into The Flying Trapeezius. Yes, I have the impudence to welcome myself into this fine arena of random babbling. Now that the introductions are over, lets get to it.

Did anyone else watch NFL Countdown sunday? More importantly did anyone hear Steve Young say that he's not impressed with the Colts this season? I don't understand the difficulty of these so called ex-professional athletes of understanding that when a team plays a dime defense there's not a very good chance you'll put up 30 points on the board. Now that the Titans finally let the cat out of the bag and played a cover 2 the entire sports nation all of a sudden has a hard on for the Colts again. I have mixed feelings on this as well. First, I'd like to say I was just about sick of people asking, "What's wrong with Peyton?" I'd like to answer that question while I have your undivided attention. Please lean in a little closer so that the secret won't get out. Peyton wants to win games! If he breaks records during the gameplay then so be it. Most importantly, if the other team is giving them the run and not honoring the play action, then Peyton will hand the ball off to Edge, Dom, James, or Ran happily. The colts have some of the best running backs in the game, and I would say with a slight bias the best punter in the league in Hunter Smith. So, the point of this rant is that if the NFL wants to play a field position game then by God bring it on. More importantly, if the NFL wants to have a shootout then Peyton Manning and an injured Harrison will be happy to oblige.

So, my soon to be faithful readers, I want to leave you with a chorus:

A party after party ‘til it started to get grating
Another and another what are we celebrating
There’s always something not to miss
Diving back in the abyss
And it gets so very stale
But tomorrow’s a new tale

In the Frolic Room
The seat I assume
And I’m drawn to the night
And it’s damn neon light

Video Game Shuffle

When EA Sports locked up the rights to the Soul of Football, I was worried. I mean, I love NCAA Football, but in my opinion, Sega and Visual Concepts' NFL2K5 was an absolute thing of beauty, crushing Madden football in gameplay. Madden definitely had the edge on franchise mode and some other stuff, but for graphics, presentation, and overall fun, Sega's game was my choice last year (of course, I never would have played it if it hadn't been $19.99). Since then, EA has locked up the exclusive videogame rights to the NFL and NCAA football. It also signed a big deal with ESPN, prying the sports giant out of Sega's clutches. For good measure, EA is also the exclusive maker of Arena League games. So...if you're a videogame company, and you want to make a football title, what do you do?

Well, you make up your own league.

But even that isn't easy.

Sony, for example, planned to release a game called Road to Sunday. This ill-conceived title was eventually cancelled. It's a shame, considering the fact the game was going to combine the sports genre with with role-playing and fighting games:

In Road to Sunday, you play Blake Doogan, who's thrown into quite a predicament when his father, who owns a pro football team, dies in a mysterious yacht explosion at sea. As it turns out, Blake's dad was in major debt to a Jamaican crime lord known as Nestor Farrington -- a notorious gambler, pimp, and drug trafficker -- and now his pop's debt has become his debt. In order to pay off the kingpin and save his own hide, Blake is forced to enter his team of football players into an underground fighting organization to help earn the money.
I just can't believe that never made it into a game.

There are other attempts to produce a non-NFL, NCAA, and Arena game. Midway, whose NFL Blitz games were always pretty fun, has retooled the game engine and come up with Blitz: The League. The funny thing about this, and all this stuff is convoluted, is that Midway's title was originally going to be based on the ESPN Series Playmakers, from what I understand. But ESPN, who I think still owns the rights, wouldn't allow that. Midway still hired the guy who wrote Playmakers to produce the new Blitz game. It's due to for release in the next couple of weeks, and I know, at one point, the designers planned to have a quarterback in the game named Ron Mexico. Oh...and there's also this great shot at everybody's favorite non-steroidal San Francisco Giants outfielder. The game has a "supplements" mode that allows you to juice up your players. Here's Gamespot's take on that:

...So if you juice your players up too far, they become much more likely to get caught by random drug testing, which is never good. So you'll have to ride the line just right to juice the players up enough to get them to play how you want them to play without having them get nabbed. You can even put your players on different types of juice. If you want to play it straight, there's simple, legal stuff like flax seed oil. But later on, you'll get access to a substance that's comically called "flax seed oil," quotation marks and all.

I'm not sure if you'll be able to get the cream or the clear, but at least the game will make sure all your players can take advantage of Barry's special flax seed oil.

Monday, October 03, 2005

Week Four...and Twins!

I love Peyton to Marvin
Another big Colts win
Watching Freeney grin

...And twins

I love the Pats just getting killed
The Lions' big loss thrilled
Leftwich just got drilled

...And twins

And I love Week Four!
And I love Week Four!

I love Eli's four TD's
San Diego's stud Drew Brees
A win for New Orleans

...And twins

I love the Bengals four-and-oh
Was it a fumble or a throw?
I guess we'll never know...

...And twins!

And I love Week Four!
And I love Week Four!

I love Culpepper getting sacked
By Atlanta's big attack
Titans getting whacked

...And twins!

I love the Chargers LT ride
The Eagles makin' KC hide
Raiders off the schneid...

...And twins!

And I love Week Four!
And I love you too!
And I love Week Four!

Here's to football!