Tuesday, February 28, 2006

George Lucas is REALLY gonna sue somebody...

You probably don't realize it, but if the Chewie blog person doesn't get sued, I think the sponsors of the new Colts stadium will. You see, a company named "Lucas Oil" is going to buy the naming rights to the stadium. How dare that person use George Lucas' name to sell oil!!! And if you think I'm crazy...keep in mind...we are talking about The Man Responsible for Everything (credit goes to Anthony Daniels for that moniker).

My first reaction upon hearing this news was, "What!!? There's no oil in Indiana!!!" While this assessment is still accurate, at least the owner of the company is from the Hoosier state. The man, Forrest Lucas, founded the company with his wife in 1989. He grew up in Bartholomew and Jackson counties, so at least it makes a little more sense. Lucas Oil makes fuel additives, and, in the ultimate irony, Mr. Lucas once drove a truck for the Mayflower moving company. Wrap your head around that one, Baltimoreans!!! Actually...don't wrap your head around that one. It would explode after three days of whining about how Robert Irsay and the Colts ripped your heart out, and destroyed your childhood. I've seen it happen.

So, with every stadium, there must be a nickname. Gillette Stadium in Evil Foxborough is called "the Razor." Heinz Field in Pittsburgh is often referred to as "Ketchup Field." Lincoln Financial Field, "the Linc." You get the point. So...what will we call the new Colts stadium? Thankfully, I have a few ideas...
  • Lucas Oil (not affiliated with Lucasfilm Ltd., its properties, or subsidiaries) Presents Indiana Stadium
  • Indiana Stadium Fueled by Lucas Oil
  • Lucas Oil Field
  • "The Big Oil" or simply "Big Oil" (my personal favorite)
  • "The Derricks"
  • "The Lube Dome"
That's all I can think of right now. I'm sure a few MGDs and two hours with the Krildog will produce much more entertaining results...

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Great Moments in FAKE Olympics History, Part XV

Caption Reads: It's a sad day after Ron Burgundy learns he's lost his lead studio anchor job for the Games. Network execs were concerned his tendency to refer to the Democratic Republic of Germany (East Germany) as "the bad Krautland with the bread lines" may not go over well in host country Austria. His replacement, Brick Tamland, causes international incident by continually goose-stepping and referring to Austria as "the Fatherland."

Saturday, February 25, 2006

Great Moments in FAKE Olympics History, Part XIV

Caption Reads: Lake Placid, 1980. Sensing history just beyond his grasp, Al Michaels begins to ponder taglines in the event that Team USA somehow finds a way to beat the USSR. Rejected ideas include: "Down go those dirty Commie bastards!"; "FREEEEEEDOM!"; "We're all getting laid tonight!"; "Uncle Sam just shoved a hockey stick up Ivan's ass!"; and "Wow, what an unlikely turn of events, it almost seems miraculous." Finally, Michaels hears the Lovin' Spoonful's "Do You Believe in Magic?", and the rest is broadcasting history.

Great Moments in FAKE Olympics History, Part XIII

Caption Reads: Torino, 2006. Team USA phenom Bode Miller skis his way to multiple gold medals, living up to the hype he and Nike created together. The ad campaign looks nothing like the disastrous Dan vs. Dave Reebok commercials. No similarity at all. Absolutely nothing like that.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Great Moments in FAKE Olympics History, Part XII

Caption Reads: Calgary, 1988. IOC allows Tauntaun Racing as demonstration sport. Event is quickly cancelled because tauntauns, though cold-weather creatures, tend to freeze to death in the cold, thus endangering riders.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Great Moments in FAKE Olympics History, Part XI

Caption Reads: Chamonix, 1924. Cotton McKnight and Pepper Brooks broadcast first-ever Olympic curling event in 1924. Their efforts not realized until curling is officially recognized as an Olympic sport in 1998.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Great Moments in FAKE Olympics History, Part X

Caption Reads: Albertville, 1992. Highly-touted Galactic Empire biathlon team gets off to good start, falters after failing to hit single target in shooting stage. Emperor most displeased.

Monday, February 20, 2006

Great Moments in FAKE Olympics History, Part IX

Caption Reads: Squaw Valley, 1960. Wyoming's Jack Twist and Ennis Del Mar thrill judges with their emotional but tasteful routine. Press later learns that they don't go into the locker room just to get dressed. They play backgammon, too!

Sunday, February 19, 2006

The Inmates Run the Asylum


Congrats IU fans your day has come. All of your complaining can now officially stop. From an outsiders prospective lets just say a few things:

Did Mike Davis need to leave? --Yes, he was doing nothing great for IU.

Did IU handle this properly? --Indiana University didn't have to do anything. Davis announced his resignation.

Did IU fans handle this properly?--No, I believe they have displayed a negative image on IU and its basketball program. What coach would want to walk in and handle that? At least his replacement will be aware of it. Who wouldn't? The bickering never stopped from the "IU Faithful".

"One of their own" --I love that quote. If good ole boy Steve Alford can't be brought in, then just get the other good ole boy Damon Bailey. Damon coaches High School BBall, but that will satisfy the IU Faithful for at least a couple years. Both would be hailed as conquering heroes but what exactly have they conquered?

Good luck Indiana, actually good luck new Indiana Coach, before you win games make sure to win the fans over first.

I love playing Devils Advocate!

PEACE!

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Great Moments in FAKE Olympics History, Part VIII

Caption Reads: Torino, 2006. Iraq sends first-ever bobsled team to the Winter Games. Team consists of Americans who will relinquish their jobs "soon," when the Iraqis are ready to take responsibility for their own Olympic destiny. Coached by John Candy.

Friday, February 17, 2006

Great Moments in FAKE Olympics History, Part VII

Caption Reads: Nagano, 1998. USA luge doubles team of Mark Grimmette adn Brian Martin lucks out after newly-added AT-AT Walker obstacle misfires on turn three. The pair would avoid that disaster, only to crash on the next turn.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Red Heads and Bald Heads


Hoosiers, today is a day worth rembering. To the webmaster of www.firemikedavis.com I send my congratulations and condolensces to the end of an incredible website that kept me intrigued for 6 long years. For those of you unfortunate enough not to visit the site, it had wonderful articles of how Davis messed up over the years. Along with merchandise such as my favorite IU shirt "When does football season start?" Now the search begins for finding the Charlie Weis of IU Basketball. I say we bring back the coach of the 2002 Hoosiers that went to the national championship, Tom Coverdale. He may not accept the job this time due to the lack of playing time versus his previous coaching position. The state of Indiana is on a roll. First, Ron Artest. Then, Mike Davis. Now all they have to do is bring back Hoosier Hysteria to high school and all will be well.

On a side note: Natalie Portman's hair is growing back (not that she wasn't hot bald) and she will host SNL on March 4 with musical guest Fall Out Boy. So for my fellow Star Wars geeks and Natalie Portman lovers out there mark your calendar for SNL and "V for Vendetta" on March 14.

Hoosiers finally wise up!

It has been a while since I posted anything on the Flying Trapeezius. Really I didn't have much to talk about. Then came along the Hoosiers basketball squad that brightened up my spirits starting out 10-2, a good game vs. Duke, and a nice start in the Big Ten. I was like a kid in candy store, getting my hopes up and thinking that the Hoosiers have a great chance to make a run in the 65 man tourney. Then the Hoosiers lose to the Big Ten leaders Iowa Hawkies on the Road by 20. I started getting worried. I thought to my self wait it was just one game. They will bounce back and it was a road game in the Big Ten. Then they have lost 7 of the last 10 games and have not won a road game in the Big Ten. Good Job Coach. Also, why the hell did you not show up to the Iowa HOME game??? (FLU?) Yeah Right. Then the next day do 4000 million phone interviews. That is not a Coach. AND SO...Today Mike Davis Resigns at 3:30 p.m. I for one am pleased to see him go. People say the Hoosiers need a home boy...really...they just need a coach who can COACH and Recruit and develop players into basketball players. I guess well see how things go.

Great Moments in FAKE Olympics History, Part VI

Caption reads: St. Moritz, 1928. It's a sad year for the Olympics as Chuck Norris is given a lifetime ban from the Games for being too "kickass" at hockey. He would return in 1980 as a coach for the U.S. Hockey team. His contributions would be ignored in the Disney movie "Miracle," which would instead focus on Herb Brooks.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Great Moments in FAKE Olympics History, Part V

Caption Reads: Nagano, 1998: G.I. JOE's Snake Eyes proves doubters wrong, grabs massive air en route to Olympics berth, ruffles reporters' feathers by not talking to them.

And...I'd like to thank Krildog for putting up the first of many "failed celebrity endorsement" posts!

KrilDog Presents: Failed Celebrity Endorsements

Ray Lewis & Red Baron Frozen Pizza
Case# 001




&


On paper, it was a slam dunk proposition. One of the NFL's best linebackers and a Super Bowl MVP paired up with one of the heavyweights in the frozen arena of pizza supremacy. Red Baron entered negotions in the 11th hour after talks between Lewis' camp and reps from Tombstone fell apart after market tests provided a complex result formula that basically broke down into: Ray Lewis + Tombstone = Murder. Red Baron seized the opportunity and made a rather hefty offer that Ray Ray was quick to accept. The plan was in place. Trading Cards. Holograms. Wacky Wall Walkers. But to kick off the entire campaign, a single commercial to announce the Baron rising to the top of the mountain, not unlike the crispy and flaky crust of one of its "bake and rise" pizzas. The premise was simple; Ray would charge out of the tunnel in full uniform at M&T Bank Stadium with a pie in one hand and a pizza cutter in another. Lewis was to then do his infamous "epilepsy glow stick dance", cut a slice, take a big bite and tell America to bring the baron home after the game.

The shoot was doomed from the start.

Lewis arrived on time and was actually in a very cordial mood, joking with the teamsters and signing autographs. However, problems sprang from the very first rehearsal. Lewis complained about the pizza cutter, stating, "What kinda pussy blade this be? You'd barely nick a motherfucker with this shit, man. All dull and shit...this woulda done jack shit for me at that Super Bowl party back in Atlanta...I mean, shit, I didn't see nothin' that night. Not one motherfucking thing!"

Lewis also kept dripping sauce on his jersey, which would then lead him to rip it off and give it to one of his posse to hide. "If the fuckin' 5-0 finds this shit," he said, "I'll be sharing a cell with Jamal (Lewis). Hide this evidence fo' me dawg! Somebody get me a clean piece of evidence, I mean jersey, please!"

After 12 run throughs, the director was ready to shoot and Ray was confident they could nail it in one take. He had his lines down, his wardrobe was spotless and the pizza was ripe for the eating. The director checked his lenses, adjusted the lights and called for action. Ray did just as scripted, running out of the tunnel. He then broke out into a spirited dance that the NFL faithful knows all too well as the crowd cheered and the Red Baron people saw dollar signs.

Then it all came unglued.

Lews then proceeded to throw the pizza on the ground and proceeded to hump it savagely with his pelvic region, screaming "Who's the bitch now?" as he thrust savagely. After about 10 seconds of such action, Ray produced a 10 inch Bowie knife from his pants and savagely stabbed the pie. "Didn't...kill...no...motherfuckers!", he screamed with each stab. Then suddenly, Ray crouched over his fallen prey and happily licked the sauce from his blade. He then stared straight into the center camera. With sauce dripping from his mouth and a sort of cold madness in his eyes he yelled his own version of the popular slogan.

"Bring the Baron home, Motherfuckers!"

With over 70 thousand extras in stunned silence, the Red Baron execs ripped up the contract right on the spot and cut Lewis a phat check so they wouldn't be the next targets of his blade. Lewis changed into his street clothes and took his posse to the local Chuck E. Cheese's to blow the dough on as many games of Skee-Ball as the check would buy him. Ironically, it was Trent Dilfer's turn to dress as Chuck E. Cheese for his shift that day, but he kept his true identity a secret for fear of being stabbed should Lewis not get enough tickets for an Xbox.

Trent Dilfer ponders what it will take to get promoted to assistant manager after another hard shift at Chuck E. Cheese. Dilfer also wonders aloud if Tina the 20-year-old cashier really wants to come over and watch the Doctor Who marathon next weekend or if she's just being a cocktease and will ditch him to go play Dungeons and Dragons with Trent the 19-year-old token machine repairman.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Great Moments in FAKE Olympics History: Part IV


Caption Reads: Emerging from the Cold War, the USSR refuses to attend 1952 games, opening way for the 1952 "Stalinpics." When no other countries show up, the Soviets decide to attend the 1956 games after Stalin's death in '53.

Monday, February 13, 2006

Where's the love?


The Halo 2 Valentine's Day Massacre Party was a huge success! There were flashes of dominance, triumph, and glory. No one left the house dispaired. But really, the party was great. Mr. DeBurger did show as he promised and did partake in the Halo 2. Saucy flex his halo muscle without the use of alchol. The Word just loves the Royal Rumble! Greg screamed alot and mind you that he was in the same room where my girlfriend was trying to sleep (hilarious!). I believe the boys from Greenwood were impressed by the skills that us Kentuckiana folk have. I only wish this could happen every other day. Someday maybe I'll get it to be once a week. I just have to find more friends! Actually I just wish my friends weren't so friggin busy. Halo 2 is the only game that I can play for 6 hours plus and not get bored or tired with it. I think it is because every game is always different. So much variety! It also amazes how many blood hungry people only want to play slayer. I love tactical games like CTF and ODDBALL. It takes team work and you get to kill in the process.

Here is my elite team consisting of "Elite My Balls", "Neat Elite", and "Elite My Snatch" dominating our helpless opponents. Anyway the bottom line was that we all had a good time and I really hope that means more good times are on the way.

I also saw Dukes of Hazard on DVD yesterday and I thought it was a great movie. It was more than what I expected.

Great Moments in FAKE Olympics History: Part III

Caption reads: Kobe Bryant defies cold, critics, and logic by placing basketball goal near landing area for the Ski Jumping event. Injuries sustained from the disaster would force him to seek "treatment" at a Ski Resort in Vale, Colorado.

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Great Moments in FAKE Olympics History: Part II

Caption reads: "Salt Lake City, 2002. The Flash comes through with shocking, skate-less upset of Korean front-runner Sook Dong Nau."

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Great Moments in FAKE Olympics History: Part I


Hopefully, you can click on it to enlarge. But if you can't for some reason, the caption reads: "Salt Lake City, 2002. Very mention of the phrase “Herminator” in reference to Austrian skier Hermann Maier causes Studicus to begin drinking, thus starting a long history of stories, encounters, and stupid behavior that to this very day is experienced by Krildog and the ever-elusive Buckeye McGuinness. First night of drinking causes Studicus to burst in on Buckeye McG, shouting, 'The black guy isn’t on PTI!!!!'"

Friday, February 10, 2006

Olympics, Day One: Setting the Stage

Ah...Torino (or Turin).

City of beauty.

City of justice.

And the city where the games begin!

I've promised a major Olympics blitz, and I hope I come through. Today's column is not the real "BIG" sendoff that I need for the games. But let me explain what I've been doing. I have really become obsessed with editing pictures. It's a new hobby. I love it. And, gosh, Krildog even commented to me yesterday that I was getting better at it. That means a lot.

Anyway, I love stupid humor. Especially when it's nonsensical. It doesn't have to be political commentary, or something so sophisticated that only two people on the world would get it. Visual gags, to me, have the most punch.

So I've come up with an epic series of "Great Moments in FAKE Olympics history." Right now...there is one for each day of the games. But, since there is no competition today (it's just the Opening Ceremony), I'm holding back for the real show. You'll have to excuse me for pumping up, and making you wait. Just remember...I'm in TV. It's what we do.

But...as a reward...I will quickly imagine how an Italian-Style Opening Ceremony would go.

First, we'd start off with a traditional Italian meal, which consists of Chef Boyardee spaghetti, ravioli, and pizza, plus Italian ice. We'll also throw in some fine Italian wine, Italian sausage, and plenty of olive oil.

Then, it's time for the parade of nations. Or whatever it's called. And we'll do it in classical Italian style. That means everyone will be dressed in pinstripe suits with fedoras and tommy guns. That's what they wear over there, right? They'll march to the theme from The Godfather, and every team captain will carry a bottle of olive oil with him or her that will be presented to Luciano Pavarotti, who will grace everyone with his powerful vocal skills. After he sings "Hey Brother, Pour the Wine," "Mambo Italiano," and "Volare," it's time for everyone to dance. Because I've seen all three Godfather movies, and those people seem to like to dance a lot. And since they're hosting the Games, everyone will have to dance.

After the dancing, it's time for more Pavarotti, who will sing this year's Olympic theme, "Hearts on Fire." As you can imagine, this is where Sylvester Stallone makes his big splash with an interpretive dance to the Olympic theme, "Passion Lives Here." At the end, he'll be joined by Mario and Luigi, and the Super Italian plumbers will light the Olympic Flame.

And then everyone will have tiramisu and cannolis for dessert.

Let the games begin!!! And God willing, they'll be far superior in competitive spirit than the Super Bowl, and vastly more entertaining than this sad attempt at comedy.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Will The Force be with me still?

Well, avid TFT-ers, saucy has been on quite the hiatus due to the long hours at the Louisville Sport Boat and RV Show. I shall give a brief insite into what has happened and what will happen south of the 38th parrallel.

First things first, the parents of saucy have decided to purchase a boat. This is great news because if they didn't then I would have. The family has been without a boat for 2 years now and we all miss it terribly. So now, let the skiing begin.

Due to KFife, I have begun reading Halo: The Fall of Reach. The book is very entertaining and well written. Deciding between starting that or Outbound Flight by Timothy Zahn was quite the stressing decision. I walked around Barnes and Noble for twenty minutes drinking a venti triple caramel mocha deciding whether to stray from my Star Wars ways and read something other than lightsabres and X-wing fighters. This mind you is the toughest decision I have made in quite a while. Not only have the last 95% of the books I've read been about Star Wars, but I have wanted to know about the details of Outbound Flight since I read Heir to the Empire many a moon ago. A few years back Survivor's Quest came out, and gave some insite into the Outbound Flight but not nearly enough. So after much deliberation, I turned my back on The Force and chose the Halo book that KFife has told me so much about.

Saturday is the Halo party. I am very excited. Watch out The Word because I may eat your McChicken. Seriously though, I'm ready to have a full day of death and destruction. As Studicus as so kindly mentioned the Olympics start Friday night (well the Opening Ceremony). I love the Olympics. I tend to watch every event and get captured in the patriotism of the USA. So I'm ready to watch my first winter olympics in HDTV.

February 19 is Daytona 500. The only thing to occupy my Sunday afternoons until football season starts again. This should be a fun racing season. Go Lowes 48!

Secret Olympics Discovery

All has been quite on TFT lately. I haven't really written much of note in the last few days. But, as I have alluded in past columns, I've got some really special content that will coincide with the Olympic Games. Let's call it an insider's look into past Winter Olympics.

How inside is my information? Well, just recently, I came across the supposedly "secret" plans for the medals. I was a little suprised at what the IOC had in mind in terms of design. And I think you will be, too.

This recently-released info graphic below (you can click it to enlarge) shows that, for the Torino 2006 Games, which are in Turin, Italy, the IOC has gotten celebrity endorsements. And to tell you the truth, I have mixed feelings about what they've done.

For the gold, well, you can't go wrong with Christopher Walken. But to select a scene from an SNL parody of his movie The Dead Zone seems a little strange. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy Ed Glosser: Trivial Psychic. But, for a championship medal for athletic competition, you'd think they would have chosen to immortalize something from The Deer Hunter. He won an Oscar for that, you know.

And silver? Well, everyone loves Neil Diamond. But I'm afraid Neil just doesn't "do it" for the younger generation of athletes (comin' ah yeah hah!). I mean, the 54-year-old U.S. curler in this year's games may be a big fan. Maybe I underestimate Mr. Diamond's worldwide popularity; I guess that's possible. But to use a scene from Saving Silverman? Only three other people in the world other than me have seen that movie, and I lived with them in college. Shouldn't the IOC (and Mr. Diamond's publicist) have insisted on some Hot August Night concert footage?

And don't even get me started on the bronze medal. CHEVY CHASE? Chevy Freaking Chase? ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!?? I mean, God love him, but Chevy hasn't made a decent movie since Christmas Vacation. Think about the Roster of Infamy: Snow Day, Vegas Vacation, Cops and Robbersons, Man of the House, and Memoirs of an Invisible Man. That's a lot of crap. I'm an avowed Dirty Work fan, but taking Dr. Farthing over Clark Griswold is the biggest upset since Tony Siragusa chose the Caesar salad over the triple rack of ribs on Super Bowl weekend.

I guess it just goes to show, if you've got the money, and you want to push an agenda, you can do it. Thanks, IOC.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Thus Commence the Games

It's been several days since I've written an entry. I suppose I was giving TFT time to breathe, after the Super Bowl and all that.

I also spent much of my weekend concocting an epic, 16-part series that will coincide with the Olympics. I'll have more on that once the Games kick off. Let's just say I'm trying to ramp up my novice photo-editing skills.

The Olympics are a funny beast. Under the relatively new format, they come to us every other year (alternating summer/winter games). And, each time, I swear I don't care. And what happens? I end up watching them, opening and closing ceremonies, and all. Of course, there are some events I really care about in the Winter Games. For example, I love the bobsled and luge events. The moguls in freestyle skiing are pretty neat to watch. Then there's alpine skiing, ski jumping, and, even begrudgingly, figure skating. I also like speed skating, and short track. Geez...that's way too close to listing nearly all the events.

But then there are some other ones that really need to go. You'd think the biathlon would be cool to watch; you know, skiing AND shooting. But it's always boring. Stupid cross-country skiing is also pretty dull. Even the end of a race isn't very compelling. And then there's ice dancing. They may as well rename this event "figure skating without the fun." There's just really no point to it. My deepest apologies to all of our ice dancing readers. I know you're one of TFT's most dedicated fanbases. To my cross-country skiing readers...well...I can't apologize. Your sport is truly that boring.

On February 10th...let the games begin.

Saturday, February 04, 2006

Happenings in my neck of the woods


So T-minus one week from the Feb 11th Halo 2 LAN Party... it gets to be very exciting for me. This is pretty much my Christmas. As the count stands as of today, there will be nine or ten people coming to the party. Three of those will be driving 90+ miles to enjoy the LAN experience! Other than work I have been reading the actual Halo Books.

I got them for Christmas and thought that they would really just be bathroom reading but I really must say that once I started the first book it has been incredibly hard to put these books down. I am finally on the third book "First Strike" which takes place between Halo 1 and Halo 2. There is so much story line and little hidden secrets that make me just want to play the games over so that I can pick up on the dialouge. The game's story is tremendous and if the movie is anything like these books we are in for a real treat. I am hesistant though. Usually a movie made into a game or game made into a movie usually means that one or the other will crash and burn, but these books have given me a little more hope.


On to other things...
If you come home one day from a hard days work and your girl looks like this:

Beware, this probably means that she is mad at you and you probably do not even know what you did. The best course of action could be the "Smile and Nod" method. Avoid eye contact then Dodge, Duck, Dash, Dive, and Dodge into a safe place.

I'm out!

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Brokeback Lightsaber

I've gotta tell you. The Brokeback Mountain jokes have to stop. Every night, Jay Leno and Conan O'Brien go for the jugular about the "Gay Cowboy Movie." I have no desire to see it, but dear Lord, the jokes must stop.

Of course, I say that as I get ready to write about the movie from a Star Wars perspective. And you're probably wondering exactly what I mean by that.

Well, Brokeback received eight Oscar nominations, leading the pack for this year's noms. But the movie has underperformed at the box office, because people like me, who love movies, but want nothing to do with the artsy flotsam that goes over well with "lovers of cinema" (and yes, you're can read that like Will Farrell in those "lover" skits on SNL), won't go see it. But then again, I like movies where things blow up. Not movies where men blow each other.

Maybe I'm just not all that enlightened. Call me Cro-Magnon Studicus.

Anyway, while Brokeback isn't reeling in the money, Revenge of the Sith pulled in more than $380 million in the U.S. alone. Yet...the smaller, more intimate movie got eight Oscar noms. Now, don't get me wrong: Sith doesn't deserve any major awards in categories like best picture, best actor, best supporting actor, best screenplay, etc. But the fact that it received just one nomination is criminal. Absolutely criminal. And it was in achievement for makeup effects. Not best sound, visual effects, or video editing. For that movie not to be nominated in the other technical categories is absolutely astounding.

Especially, when you consider this: collectively, the other five Star Wars movies garnered 24 nominations, most of them in technical areas. Of course, the majority of those nominations are for the classic trilogy. I guess it shows the eventual resentment of the Hollywood community for George Lucas' "maverick" tendencies. Most will argue the prequel trilogy simply isn't as good as the original (and I'll would agree: the originals rock), but technically, the new ones are astounding. There's no excuse for Sith to at least get a token visual FX nomination.

It just goes to show that, when you work outside the constraints of the studio system, Hollywood hates you.

Just like you're going to hate me in just a few lines.

I don't think George Lucas needs a bunch of awards to "solidify" his legacy (or whatever). But, if he'd wanted to go for the gusto, and win a bunch of golden statuettes, he should've upped the movie's gayness rating. Just think about it: with Brokeback and Capote, there's a pro-homosexual slant going on with the Oscars this year. All it would've taken for Revenge of the Sith to get some serious nominations would have been a slight retooling. It could have been a fan-pleasing, arthouse-loving masterpiece: Brokeback Lightsaber.

The trailer would've gone something like this...

LUCASFILM LTD. LOGO

20TH CENTURY FOX LOGO FADES TO BLACK

CUE "ACROSS THE STARS" THEME

VOICEOVER: Anakin Skywalker defied
the Jedi code...

CUT TO: Anakin and Padme from Attack of the Clones, "I
wish I could wish away my feelings..."



VOICEOVER: But now, with the galaxy's greatest threat unleashed,
the most powerful Jedi ever will meet his one true passion...


CUT TO:
Palpatine: "The dark side of the Force is a pathway to many
abilities some consider to be...unnatural."

VOICEOVER: It was supposed
to be his descent into the darkness...


CUT TO:
Palpatine: "DO IT!"
Anakin: "I shouldn't have done that."

VOICEOVER: Instead, it was a lesson in divided passion...

CUT TO:
Padme: "Anakin, you're breaking my heart!"

FADE TO:
Palpatine: "I hope you trust me, Anakin."
Anakin: "Of course."

VOICEOVER: And what was promised to young Skywalker was abused...


CUT TO:
Palpatine: POWER! UNLIMITED POWER!

VOICEOVER:
The dark indiscretions of his past laid bare...

CUT TO:
Palpatine:
"It wasn't the first time Anakin. Remember what you told me about your mother and the Sand People."

VOICEOVER: His friends didn't know...


CUT TO:
Anakin: I swear to you... I didn't ask to be put on the council.
Obi-Wan: But it's what you wanted! Your friendship with
Chancellor Palpatine seems to have paid off.
Anakin: I NEVER HAD SEX WITH HIM!
Obi-Wan: What in the blazes are you talking about?

CUT TO:
Padme: You don't go to the chancellor's office to talk diplomacy, do you!?


VOICEOVER: This summer, the saga is complete...

CUT
TO:
Palpatine: I can feel your anger...it gives you focus...makes you stronger.
Anakin: Why can't I quit you!?

VOICE OVER: Star Wars, Episode Three: Brokeback Lightsaber.

I should really get a life, and stop making fun of a movie I've never seen. Oh well.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Never Fear: The Word to the rescue

While on a much needed break from my life-long-pursuit of a cozy retirement, I've been working on a logo for TFT. My efforts have produced this:

Get yours sucka!


I pity the fool who thinks I'm MIA!


Fuckers, fuckers, fuckers. Just when you thought it was safe to go surfing on the internet, guess who's back with a vengeance. I'm sitting here at work bored off of my ass because we are doing billing and in the midst of printing off invoices and statements and I have nothing else to do. But just because I haven't been posting doesn't mean I haven't been busy with TFT. I keep up a lot of the behind the scenes maintenance such as updating the links toolbar (which has some kickass sites to check out when you are done here), tracking site usage and other random tasks. Had a great team up with The Word a few posts back on slogans and I've been advising Studicus on logos and whatnot. Gotta give major props to the both of them for their creative output. They put a lot of hard work into the blog and it certainly shows everytime someone pays a visit. Studicus has become quite adept at utilizing all the technology we have available at Mission Control (aka our office) making DVD screen caps and doing some great photo editing. I worry a tad about it cutting into his sleep but that's why I stocked up on Mountain Dew to keep him running. Not much to discuss today, national signing day looks to be a success for the Irish and the "Fire Mike Davis" bandwagon is a runaway freight train. IU of course hosts Northwestern tonight in Bloomington and Kobe brings his high flying ego to Conseco to take on Peja and the Pacers. Me? I just want to leave the office at a decent hour tonight. Well I need to get back to work...catch you right back here soon...

Same KrilDog Time,
Same KrilDog Channel!