Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween to all TFT viewers and contributors.

Thursday, October 26, 2006


My marriage is facing its first real test of loyalty. In fact I am sad and shocked to say that my wife is already cheating on me. It's despicable.

She's cheating on me with two gay cowboys named Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal.

You see, I woke up last night to find that Mrs. Studicus had rented some DVDs. She tried to please me with "The Fox and the Hound" (excellent Disney fare), "Over the Hedge" (one of the summer's best!), and "Thank You for Smoking" (an intriguing film, to be sure). Yet, there was something wrong. I could sense it. And then I noticed she was clinging onto a fourth DVD, and she wouldn't let me see what it was.

I begged, I pleaded. I tried to forcibly remove it. After several seconds of scrambling, she finally let go of the offending material.

Onto the floor splashed "Brokeback Mountain."

My wife and I made a solemn vow years ago (okay, months ago) that we'd never watch that movie together. It was a sacred promise I felt would last forever. However, "Brokeback Mountain" sits on the floor of my apartment, nestled between such family-friendly fare as "Over the Hedge" and "The Fox and the Hound." In fact, I'm pretty sure the "Brokeback" DVD tried to mount both the fox and the hound while I was at work.

To the letter of the law, our pledge remains solid: we will not watch the movie together. Yet, my poor DVD player, my surround sound system, and JumboTron C must surrender to the passion and the drama of Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal. Oh, I've heard "Brokeback" isn't that bad. The film is probably a great poetic argument for all types of love, or something like that. Yet, I'm not going to watch it. Unless I'm absolutely loaded, or someone puts a gun to my head.

The last thing I want is for two cowboys to jump into my living room, blindfolded like some goddamn magic show ready to double team my wife. Then again, I forget, these are gay cowboys. So I shouldn't worry so much.

For more insidious broken attempts at "Brokeback" humor, please check out the following links from previous TFT posts...

Olympic Moment
Star Wars, Episode III: Brokeback Lightsaber

Wednesday, October 25, 2006


TFT Power Rankings

These rankings are ordered in groups of the top ten and the bottom ten teams in the league. Many factors come into play in these rankings, that is, strength of schedule, margin of wins or losses, etc, but mostly it's whatever I think because I have the power and you don't. Teams not shown are middle of the road teams, who are medicore enough not to care about.

Week 7

*(x) previous ranking

Top Ten

1. (1) Bears: Bye week.
2. (2) Colts: Looked for real against a very confused Redskins team.
3. (3) Broncos: Easy last few weeks. Will stay third at least until next week's big game.
4. (5) Saints: Bye week. I'm curious to see what happens coming off the bye for this team.
5. (10) Giants: On a roll right now; coming off three very good outings.
6. (8) Patriots: What can I say, they looked like the NE of old.
7: (9) Rams: Bye.
8: (NR) Bengals: Sure it was a win at home, but I think they've gotten back to winning.
9: (6) Chargers: A step up, a step back. Can they only win against weaker teams?
10: (7) Panthers: Looked in control and then blew it.

The Bottom Ten

1. (4) Bucs: A 62-yarder extends a plundering run of two of the better teams in the league. Completely different team since the QB change.
2. (NR) Redskins: I don't even think Joe Gibbs can right the ship that he's helping sink.
3. (8) Texans: Looks like the Word is making statements and teams are listening. Though too wishy washy to ever be out of the Bottom Ten.
4. (2) Bills: A lot of questions as to what this team really is.
5. (NR) Browns: Played a tough D in Denver, but should have been more respectible at home.
6. (6) Lions: You have heeded my advice Detroit! May not get your GM fired, but at least this way, we'll see Mike Martz in a year or so.
7. (5) Cardinals: Denny Green has single handedly taken this team back to what it was before he got there. If you fire coordinators, make sure they are replaced by competent coaches.
8. (7) Dolphins: The best thing about this team is the all orange jerseys, and they don't even wear them.
9. (9) SF: Bye.
10. Raiders: Win another. I don't believe you. Maybe then I'll start to talk about your good qualities.

*Honorable Mentions: Titans, Packers, Steelers.

Monday, October 23, 2006

That's MR. STUDICUS to you!

Hello everybody, Studicus back for the first time since he got hitched. I'd like everyone to know that my wife is not in fact sucking my soul away, as many people warned me she would do.

The wedding went off without a hitch, and I had a very good time. There wasn't too much that went wrong during the wedding/honeymoon/vacation, which I definitely am thankful for. I headed out to Arizona with Mrs. Studicus, where there was much merriment and traveling. By the way, the Grand Canyon is spectacular. If I remember, I'll try to post some pics.

But really, my wedding isn't what you want to read about in my dramatic return. You want to know what I thought of the Colts game, don't you?

To live and Addai in Indy. I've been saying it all season long: Joe Addai is the guy for the Colts. He's the back who's explosive, and ready to take his game to the next level. And the Colts should revert back to my R.E.A.D Principle, except, well, instead of "Run Edge All Day," it should be "Run Excellent Addai Decisively" (or something equally as stupid).

If that's a penalty, then that's a penalty, too. Okay, I got it: Dwight Freeney grabs Mark Brunell's facemask, the refs throw a flag. While I don't think it was a 15-yarder, I can live with it. If you're not supposed to hit the quarterback in the head, then yeah, that's a penalty. However, the Skins tried to take off Peyton Manning's head (the only purpose I can think of is so they can make their own bobble head doll), ripping off his helmet, yet there's no flag. Not to mention Manning was being turned into a pretzel. Later in the game, Marcus Washington got flagged for a 15-yard "point of emphasis" penalty for going low on Peyton (it looked more like natural momentum than anything to me); however, when the Colts (I think it was Robert Mathis) went low on Brunell, there was no flag. I'm dumbstruck as to how this all worked out.

Punters are "emotional," too. So, um, Derrick Frost gets mad after the refs (apparently) tell him his excellent boot didn't count because they hadn't given him the signal. Then Frost gets steaming hot, pulls off his helmet, and as a result, his team kicks off from the five-yard line. Has anyone ever seen another team kick off from the five-yard line?

Change your promos, mentally-challenged Fox people. Hmmm...Montae Reagor gets in car accident (apparently not sparked by making a harassing call on his cell phone while driving). Montae Reagor misses game, and goes to hospital. Moronic WXIN continues running promos saying, "Montae Reagor joins us live in studio after the game on Sunday Night Sports." Shouldn't maybe someone have pulled the promo that ran 900 times? Or can the Fox 59 studios accommodate a gurney?

One enormous Booger. The stat column credits Anthony McFarland with two tackles, but let me tell you something: he appeared to play a really nice game for the Colts. I think his addition will help, and I'm surprised the Skins didn't try to run the ball more with Clinton Portis. Actually, I'm stunned.

Mike Doss, ballbuster. Ouch. They always say the key to forcing a fumble is getting your helmet on the ball. But holy crap, Doss, ball is singular! You can't help but cringe when you "hear" the crack of the balls on that play. I actually felt bad for Portis.

And the gods shall have their revenge. Poor Doss got his just desserts for his ballhawking, tearing his ACL later in the game. That's a major blow to the Colts...who'd better hope 1) Bob Sanders gets healthy and stays that way; 2) Matt Giordano can fill in effectively against a starting defense; or 3) Marlin Jackson thrives in a potential transition from corner to safety (which the Colts have been considering for a while).

Wrong kind of football. When Santana Moss felt like Jason David delivered a bit of a cheap shot, he went bonkers, and sort of gave him a "header" a la futbol. That was a great 15-yard penalty.

You threw the flag for that!? Celebration penalties are pretty stupid. Antwaan Randle El's post-punt return TD celebration was pretty stupid. Flagging Antwaan Randle El for his stupid celebration was pretty stupid. However, it did provide high comedy from Derrick Frost just moments later. I guess it's all in the set up.

Friday, October 20, 2006

I wrote something...somewhere else!

These past couple weeks of multiple logs and contingency plans at work (thanks to the MLB playoffs) coupled with dog-sitting (where I had no internet access) and the Bears/Cardinals game have really killed my desire to write. However, I did manage to contribute to The Ex-Burgher's weekly Tecmo Super Bowl simulation of this week's games. I had the pleasure of covering Jacksonville @ Houston. Click here to check out this week's simulations. I'll be in South Bend tomorrow for Notre Dame/UCLA. Last I heard, The Word was working on another set of rankings, but he might lose his desire for that after the Colts rape his beloved Redskins this weekend. Rumors also say that Studicus is back in town, but he still might be too busy consumating the marriage to write anything, which is fine by me. Have a good weekend, ya'll!

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

TFT Power Rankings. Get some!

TFT Power Rankings These rankings are ordered in groups of the top ten and the bottom ten teams in the league. Many factors come into play in these rankings, that is, strength of schedule, margin of wins or losses, etc, but mostly it's whatever I think because I have the power and you don't. Teams not shown are middle of the road teams, who are medicore enough not to care about.

Week 6

*(x) denotes previous ranking

Top Ten

1. (1) Bears: We all know what happened on Monday night. Even Rex can't seem to derail this team.
2. (2) Colts: Bye in week 6, still only other unbeaten.
3. (3) Broncos: They played Oakland, and maybe should move down because they didn't dominate the final score.
4. (5) Saints: They beat up an overrated Eagles team, but it's still a great win.
5. (7) Seahawks: Took a page from LL Cool J's NFC West philosophy; "Don't call it a comeback I've been here for years."
6.(9) Chargers: It was the 49ers. Not ready to crown them SB Champs yet.
7: (NR) Panthers: Finally looking like that Super Bowl team everyone wanted them to be, 4-0 with a healthy Steve Smith. Tough schedule.
8: (10) Patriots: On a bye.
9: (NR) St. Louis: Too explosive, deserve to be here even after tough loss at home.
10: (NR) Giants: On a roll right now; coming off two very good outings.

The Bottom Ten

1. (8) Titans: Better with Young. Somehow his whole team can run when he starts. Ranked this high because of potential.
2. (NR) Bills: After a good start, it looks like they're being Buffalo all over again.
3. (6) Packers: Bye week helps this week.
4. (7) Bucs: Played the Bengals tough, but won from a bad call.
5. (4) Cardinals: Leinart IS the key. Tough loss.
6. (9) Lions: Fire your GM and stop winning games to make him look better.
7. (5) Dolphins: I'll say it again: missing: O-Line; D; running game; coaching.
8. (3) Texans: Defense guys. Defense.
9. (1) SF: Everything's there, but not working up to potential.
10. Raiders: Their own team can't even get out of the black hole.

*Honorable Mentions: Redksins, Chiefs, Browns.

Friday, October 13, 2006

Fuel for the Fire.

Can everyone shut up about the Steelers please?

In the Pantheon of teams who get more praise that then should, the Pittsburgh Steelers are in the mix for the top spot. Oh, but they won 'The Ring' last year Word. The NFL is a league where parity reigns and dynasties are few and far between; about one every ten years. In the '70s it was the Steelers, in the '80s the 49ers were kings, winning 4 Super Bowls from 1980 - 1990, the '90s had the Cowboys, and the Patriots are the 2000s dynasty darlings.

The NFL is a show me league in a show me sport. What-have-you-done-for-me-lately should be the motto, and no team should be judged on last year's success or failure's. I could care less if 13 of the last 16 seasons the Steelers have been 1-3 and came back to get into the playoffs. That is a pointless stat that should garner no attention, especially with a surging AFC North in which they play 6 games. In the majority of those seasons, the Bengals have been abysmal, the Ravens ho-hum, and the Browns... the Browns. This season however shows a bright light in Baltimore above Brian Billick's head, having re-tooled the offense in the off-season, a still explosive offense in Cincy where Rudi Johnson looks better than ever, and a Browns team who looks better, if still not good, every week. The AFC North isn't the North of old, and the Steelers have lost too many key components to be considered the Steelers of old. Losing Jerome Bettis was a big blow to this team; he provided leadership, goal line presence, and an actual threat in the run game on 3rd and 4th and short. The ability to keep drives going is what helped so much in turning the tide and coming out with winning records in those 13 seasons. They are lost this year. Ben is no longer the Superman everyone thought he was, and the uncertainty of Cowher's seasons-end departure have been affecting this team in negative ways and no amount of trash-talk or pity-party no-one-gives-us-a-chance speak (yes, I mean you Porter) can help them.

The hype adds a chapter with this story from the Associated Press claiming that the KC/ Pittsburgh game is "The Game of the Week." Are you kidding? What makes this game interesting? I'll wait...

Though, in the meantime, how about Philly and NO? Both are 4-1 and everyone's waiting to see another knock-off of a quality opponent from the Saints. I think they can do it at home again, and I think this is the week where people stop calling New Orleans a feel good story and start calling them NFC South Champions and possible title contenders.

Another game that has me frothing at the mouth is the Giants at Atlanta. Can the Falcons keep up the run on a Giants team who's allowing 87-yards per game? Can the Giants come out and show the league how good they really are and put those poor coaching distractions behind them? The Giants look peachy in the Georgia Dome this Sunday and come out with a win.

I'm unable to think of anything interesting about the Steelers' game. The only interesting thing about it is that if Pittsburgh loses, every sportswriter from here to eternity will be eating their tongues and denouncing them just as I am right now. The scramble will be fantastic. Home or not, the Steelers' best shot at winning this game came on the bye week. For their sake, I hope they have something to show us all; some fuel for the hype machine.

And that's today's Word.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

TFT Power Rankings

These rankings are ordered in groups of the top ten and the bottom ten teams in the league. Many factors come into play in these rankings, that is, strength of schedule, margin of wins or losses, etc, but mostly it's whatever I think because I have the power and you don't.

Week 5

Top Ten

1. Bears: Good on road, better at home. Beat opponents 156-36.
2. Colts: Are the only unbeaten left besides Bears, but struggling to win.
3. Denver: Defense, Tatum Bell, solid receiveing corps.
4. Ravens: A few missteps by McNair lately, even against Browns.
5. New Orleans: A field goal away from turning the tide in Carolina and maybe coming out 5-0.
6.Falcons: Tough divisional schedule to start. Excellent running game and good D.
7: Seahawks: Dominant over everyone but Bears. No Shaun hurts.
8: Eagles: 4-1, sure, but whom have they played? Opponents combine for 6 wins.
9: Chargers: They have talent, just not all on same page. Weak early schedule.
10: Patriots: Flashes of brilliance, but predominately a mediocre tenth.

The Bottom Ten

1. SF: Everything's there, but not working up to potential.
2. Browns: Have played every team relatively tough. A break here or there and they'd be 2-3 or better.
3. Texans: I thought David Carr sucked. Shame on all who denouced him. Still no D.
4. Cardinals: Can Leinart get the most out of his all-star group of recievers? Future's looking bright.
5. Dolphins: Missing: O-Line; D; running game; coaching. The best thing this year has been Joey Harrington. Yuck!
6. Packers: Brett Farve will get to 420TDs, but not to 8-8.
7. Bucs: They have to be better than this, but they aren't.
8. Titans: Life with Young, but will face tougher D against the run starting with Skins.
9. Detroit: Fire your GM.
10. Oakland: The Black Hole Geriatric Center, for washed up vets to live the dream for one more year.

Monday, October 09, 2006

Colts Report, Week 5

Since Studicus is off to Arizona with the newly crowned Mrs. Studicus (wedding was fun and went off without a hitch, BTW), and the fact that my softball game got cancelled due to the other team forfeiting due to not wanting to have to face the worst right fielder in the league (yours truly), I was afforded the rare opportunity to watch the Colts, and thus submit this week’s Colts Report.

Overall, I wasn’t very impressed.

From the outset of the game, it became painfully obvious that Indy really misses Corey Simon on the d-line. He was quite useful at clogging it up and cutting down on the running lanes between the tackles and allowing the linebackers and ends to handle runs to the outside. Well, lack of beef on the front four made Travis Henry and Lendale White look like Walter Payton and Jim Brown had lined up in the backfield for the ol’ Flaming Thumbtacks. It was another unacceptable outing for the defense. This team won’t go far in the playoffs if they can’t stop the run. Perhaps Bill Polian will address this issue in the offseason by drafting a quality DT as an insurance policy for Simon. Also, I think that the Colts could benefit from blitzing more in run situations (I would assume Dungy has some zone blitzes in that Cover 2 package, no?). With some of the speed they have, it could help to offset the lack of size and strength and generate some sort of push into the backfield. Yes, it does increase the risk of getting burned on playaction, but sometimes you have to gamble to make something happen. Perhaps a switch to a 5 man front on occasion would help as well (hell, you could always have a LB line up and then drop back into coverage or bump and run on a TE if it ends up being a pass play). Also, I think that Freeney needs to be moved to different positions on the line just to mix it up every once in a while. It could open some different rush lanes as the offense has to adjust the blocking scheme to account for him, and doing it would give them another thing they would have to prepare for.

Offensively, Colts didn’t look all that special either. Running game did look decent and Addai continues to improve and show flashes of potential. The team as a whole took a long time to get the ball moving. I do suspect that much of this can be attributed to Jeff Fisher and his defense being quite familiar with their AFC South foe. Marvin Harrison had a quiet game for the most part, but I’m not sure if that is a credit to Pacman Jones playing well or Peyton just not looking his way for some reason.

I thought Vince Young had a solid game, but I was ready to kill someone if I heard the announcers on CBS comment on his Uncle Rico-like throwing style. Yes, we know he short-arms it but still zips the ball. You don’t have to remind us of this fact ever 2 goddamn minutes! I thought VY looked very mobile and comfortable playing QB in his second career start. Time will tell if he can keep it up.

With the bye this week, I would think the Colts are going to try and heal up as well as work on the basics as they begin preparations for the Redskins (whom I feel they will beat, sorry Word). As for me, I’ll be back tomorrow or Wednesday with some sort of content. Later!

Wednesday, October 04, 2006


Fellow TFTers:

I will be on hiatus for nearly two weeks as I enter the world of marriage and take a much-needed vacation (and honeymoon) in Arizona.

So, dear friends, it will be up to you to keep the Trapeezius flying high.

I've already been too busy this week to post my weekly Colts review.

Let's just say...if we don't fix the defense...the Colts are in trouble. And really...the special teams have degraded significantly after a great start to the season. I wonder if all these injuries are leaving the special teams ranks thin. Thank goodness Peyton Manning and the offense had not one, but TWO game-winning drives in them!!!

Good luck, godspeed, and I'll see ya on the flipside.