Friday, March 23, 2007

Another Coach Tubby lament

Krildog inspired a post with his song parody. Thanks, pal. This one's to American Pie.

Not so long ago
I can still remember how
The 'Cats won that title crown
And I thought it would be great if
We could convince that Tubby Smith
To maybe stick around for awhile

Then the Cats tanked the SEC
The talent pool dwindled deep
Blown athletic department
Another tourney exit
I knew it was a horrid time
When football stole the big headline
A bowl game's big and bball's fine
The day Kentucky died

So wave bye bye to this Coach Tubby Guy
Don't have to hang him or degrade him
Go give the Big Ten a try
Won a title here but now we all know
Coach Tubby was no Pitino
Coach Tubby was no Pitino

Do you know the glory days
When Wildcats played with primal rage
Stomping every team in their way
They pressed and pressed
Until you were gassed
And never stopped even if asked
Running up that scoreboard all around

But then guys like Sparks became the norm
Average white guy jumpshot storm
Couldn't graduate anyone
It's dark here without any sun
Maker's Mark gotta do the trick
Because it made us all pretty sick
And we knew we were all fucked up
When IU's Davis won

We started wavin' bye bye to that Coach Tubby Guy
Don't have to hang him or berate
Go give the Big Ten a try
Let's find a solid coach who won't make us all cry
This may be the day that we know
God please bring back Pitino

For years the SEC blew up in rage
Florida's Donovan stole the stage
And Rupp turned circles in his grave
He rose out of his sacred tomb
To talk some common sense overdue
Get that Coach Tubby out of here
Finally Tubby heard the advice
Now he wears a gopher tie
He's got a place to go to
Oh the Wonderland of Minnesota
He'll coach against guys like Bo and Painter
Won't have to think about Amacker
A lobo ate Alford's Hawkeye
The day Kentucky died

So wave bye bye to that Coach Tubby Guy
Don't have to hang him or berate him
Give the Big Ten a try
He's leaving Lexington now
Ridin' a big Gopher high
To Almighty God they're askin'
To spare us the next Clem Haskins

Thursday, March 22, 2007

This One's For Tubby

Tubby's Gone
By: The Mighty KrilDog
Based On: Tuesday's Gone by Lynyrd Skynyrd (lyrics)
Awesome Cover Version by: Metallica (for tempo and rhythm's sake):


Train roll on, on down the line,
Taking UK's old coach far away.
Felt the moonshine fumes blow outside Rupp Arena's door,
He's leaving those racist rednecks behind.
Tubby's gone with the wind.
UK's coach is gone with the wind.

He's heading up north to Minnesota.
And he just wants to be left alone.
When the trip north ends, he'll try again,
But he's leaving the pointless bullshit in Lexington.

Tubby's gone with the wind.
Tubby's gone with the wind.
Tubby's gone with the wind.
UK's coach is gone with the wind.

Train roll on many miles from the KKK's home,
See, he's riding those racism-fueled blues away.
Tubby, you see, he had to be free
And some how the bluegrass retards will carry on


Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Play-In Game Liveblog, Part 6

Sorry to say it...but I have to stop blogging. Gotta go help a friend in need and get their car out of the impound lot. Sorry!

Play-In Game Liveblog, Part 5

8:59 - During verbal blowjob time with Self, Niagara opens the lead to 10. They now lead 49-39 with 13:33 left, prompting FAMU to call a TO. Clif Brown nailed another 3 and now has 18 for the Eagles while Darius Glover finally cracked double digits and has 11 for the Rattlers.

9:06 - Media Timeout. Pace has picked up considerably as the teams trade baskets as Brown and Glover spearhead their respective teams offensive attacks. 53-47 Niagara with 10:46 left. Eagles asre shooting 60% from the field in the second half.

9:13 - Clif Brown has 26 for Niagara and 2 for FAMU, as he accidentally tips in a Rome Sanders miss to make it a 2 posession game. TV timeout with 6:02 remaining and the Purple Eagles up 61-55.

Play-In Game Liveblog, Part 4

8:45 - back to action. There were 3 runs in the first half. Niagara had runs of 20-7 and 5-0, while FAMU went 24-10.

8:49 - Rydell Brooks misses a free throw for the Eagles. FAMU comes down and Darius Glover makes nice use of a head fake to score 2 and draw a foul. He bricks the and 1 and Niagara still leads 37-33 with about 17:30 left.

8:52 - Clif Brown nails a 3 to put Niagara up 44-36 with 15:53 left and a media timeout. Brown is not the overall leading scorer with 13 on 5-6 shooting. FAMU has no scorers in double figures yet (Glover and Robinson each have 8), while the Purple Eagles have 3.

8:54- I just saw another commercial for that Godforsaken Dukes of Hazard direct to DVD prequel. Uncle Jesse and Boss Hog must be spinning in their graves while the ghost of Waylon Jennings narrates each turn. Damn you, Hollywood!!!

8:55 - Bill Self joins the announcers on the phone to discuss how Kansas will choke away the tournament this year. No attention is being paid to the game at all, despite his fucking team will be playing the winner!

Play-In Game Liveblog, Part 3

8:15 - Off of Niagara's 6th turnover, Leslie Robinson nails a 3 from the left corner to give the Rattlers their first lead of the game, 31-29. FAMU has still not committed a turnover.

8:17 - I just jinxed FAMU! Niagara gets a steal to break the streak. Still, to not turnover the ball untill 1:52 left in the first half is quite impressive. Niagara has missed their last 9 threes in a row. Eagles up 32-31.

8:21 - Niagara takes a timeout with 36.5 left in the half. Lavin won't shut up about the rest of the tourney games and focus on the one he's actually getting paid to commentate on. Eagles will hold for the last shot...Tyrone Lewis makes a nice move in the paint for 2 as Niagra closes the half with a 5-0 run to make it 35-31 Eagles as the teams hit the locker room. Fisher leads all scores with 11 and Lewis is right behind him with 10. Niagara is a paltry 4-18 from the arc, but are 50% from inside it. The Rattlers aren't much better from long distance, shooting 2-11. Leslie Robinson is their top scorer with 8 and Darius Glover is right behind him with 6.

See you in the 2nd half!

Play-In Game Liveblog, Part 2

8:02 - Tyrone Lewis with a beautiful 2 handed dunk off on an inbound on the Eagle baseline to put Niagara up 22-11. FAMU is on an 8-2 run. though.

8:05 - FAMU with back to back steal and scores to cut it to 24-19. Eagles miss a 3 and the Rattlers score in transition to cut the lead to 3 (24-21). FAMU has yet to turn the ball over, but they are only shooting 30% from the field (40% on 3s) and 50% from the line. Niagara has cooled off to 36% from the field. 5:11 left and Purple Eagles up 24-21; Charron Fisher leads all scorers with 11 for Niagara.

8:10 Fisher with a nice backdoor cut and layup&the foul to make it 29-24 in favor of the Eagles. Interesting note: FAMU has 3 coaches and 6 players from the greater Chicagoland area. Always nice to see my hometown area represented! TV timeout and Niagara is up 29-26, 3:57 remaining.

Play-In Game Liveblog, Part 1

7:40PM - Eagles up 9-2, prompting a Rattler TO. Fisher already has 7 points and 4 boards. Very fast paced game so far. Lavin mentions how Niagara has been off for 8 days and it shows in how crisp they are executing on the offensive end. Erin Andrews did something different to her hair tonight, and might I say it looks spectactular.

7:47 - Apparently Pontiac is going to be pimping convertibles this year during the tourney. Eagles are up 12-4 and ESPN shows FAMU's winning play from the MEAC tourney. It looks strikingly similar to the play that allowed T.F. South to beat Eisenhower on the road my sophomore year...ah memories. Rattlers are ice cold from the field and the charity stripe so far.

7:51 - First pimp for the NIT (which starts today)...and I could care less. Would still rather watch that than women's hoops, though.

7:52 - 17-7 Eagles and Lavin compares the tournament selection committee to the jury from 12 Angry Men. Well, yeah, if the jury was on the take! I think his combination of hairgel and Grecian formula has finally managed to penetrate his brain. Then he and the other talking head discuss giving each region a play-in game. Might I add that this is a lousy fucking idea? Let's cheapen the tourney even more and exploit the great sport of basketball for more money b/c Miles Brand and his merry band of assclowns don't make enough $ as it is!

7:55 Media timeout with Eagles still up 17-7.

More Perfect Strangers Picks

Again, I'm taking the scientific Balki Approach to the NCAA Tournament. If you need further explanation, simply scroll down to the previous post I put up last night.


#16 Jackson State Tigers vs. #1 Florida Gators
Winner: Florida
Reason: I say the Gator stays underwater, baiting the Tiger until it gets thirsty. Then, just like that one scene in Crocodile Dundee (I understand gators and crocs are different), the Gator will come out of nowhere, scare the crap out of everyone, and have a nice Tiger dinner.

#15 Texas A&M Corpus Christi Islanders vs. #2 Wisconsin Badgers
Winner: Texas A&M CC
Reason: Ride the wave Badger baby! I mean, Islanders are those servers at Cheeseburger in Paradise, and at first glance, they're waaaaaaay too laid back to compete with a hot-headed, angry Badger. But Wisconsin's mascot wears a stupid-looking red striped shirt, and I'm pretty sure he's gonna drown in an overflowing Islander wave. Man, this one sucked.

#14 Miami (OH) Redhawks vs. #3 Oregon Ducks
Winner: Miami (OH)
Reason: Miami's Redhawk looks very, very pissed off. Oregon's logo is an O. I always think of Hawks as determined, powerful creatures (unless they reside in Atlanta), while Ducks are kind of laid back (unless you're playing Duck Hunt). So Mighty Redhawks throttle the quackers.

#13 Davidson Wildcats vs. #4 Maryland Terrapins
Winner: Maryland
Reason: The mascots in the logos for these teams both look extremely cocky and self-satisfied. I'm giving the Terrapin the edge here, because its shell will protect it against a Wildcat attack. The Terrapin may not have the most striking power pound-for-pound. But it can tire out its more offensively gifted nemesis.

#12 Old Dominion Monarchs vs. #5 Butler Bulldogs
Winner: Old Dominion
Reason: Butler's Bulldog is mean. But there's no way he can stand an all-out assault from a Blue Lion with a crown. The lion is of course the king of the jungle, and the Bulldogs are gonna get a bad case of jungle fever. that the right term?

#11 Winthrop Eagles vs. #6 Notre Dame Fighting Irish
Winner: Notre Dame
Reason: Eagles and other birds of prey have fared well so far in these picks. But they've never, ever met a drunken Irishman on the day before St. Patrick's Day. After all, the Irish need something fun to celebrate!

#10 Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets vs. UNLV Runnin' Rebels
Winner: Georgia Tech
Reason: I'm pretty sure the Yellow Jacket can hide in the Rebels' gigantic mustaches, inflicting mucho pain. Plus, well, Yellow Jackets tend to swarm...and Runnin' Rebels, well, run.

#9 Purdue Boilermakers vs. #8 Arizona Wildcats
Winner: Purdue
Reason: Big train vs. Wildcat = blood on the train tracks.


#16 Eastern Kentucky Colonels vs. #1 North Carolina Tarheels
Winner: Eastern Kentucky
Reason: it me or do the Colonels have a great resemblance to Colonel Sanders? Well, at least one logo does. The other logo, the Colonel on their official website, looks like he means business. And when a guy who looks like Colonel Sanders means business, that can mean only one thing: Kentucky Fried Tarheel.

#15 Belmont Bruins vs. Georgetown Hoyas
Winner: Georgetown
Reason: Okay, um, no one knows what the hell a Hoya is. Even the "official" explanation on their website defies logic. However, Belmont's Bruin looks stupid and sluggish, thus trying to explain what a Hoya is would blow the poor bear's mind. Um....yeah.

#14 Oral Roberts Golden Eagles vs. #3 Washington State Cougars
Winner: Washington State
Reason: Wow, there are so many birds of prey and deadly big cats in this tournament! I admit Washington State's Cougar is a bit of an abstraction, but Oral Roberts' Eagle looks like he's hiding behind a mask of self-confidence. With that puffed out chest, I say the Cougars annihilate him.

#13 New Mexico State Aggies vs. #4 Texas Longhorns
Winner: Texas
Reason: Well, it's simple. The Aggies' old mascot, Pistol Pete, used to carry a gun. But now all he has is a handlebar mustache and a wimpy looking lasso. Since everything's bigger in Texas, and we're dealing with really, really big longhorn cattle, I'm afraid the Aggies and their agriculturally-inspired mascot will get gored.

#12 Arkansas Razorbacks vs. #5 USC Trojans
Winner: USC
Reason: The Razorbacks have some very sharp parts. But Trojans (the ones that don't protect against VD and unwanted pregnancies) carry swords and wear lots of armor. So this simple battle comes down to a big ol' pig roast. And you can be a big pig too!

#11 George Washington Colonials vs. #6 Vanderbilt Commodores
Winner: George Washington
Reason: Musket vs. Sword. Musket wins.

#10 Texas Tech Red Raiders vs. #7 Boston College Eagles
Winner: Texas Tech
Reason: The nickname Red Raiders smacks of bloody, lightning-quick raids. And since there's no strange wild dog involved (see Wright State), I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt. The Eagles have landed...with a thud!

#9 Marquette Golden Eagles vs. #8 Michigan State Spartans
Winner: Michigan State
Reason: If you've seen 300, you know why I picked the Spartans. Plus, Marquette has continually pussed out over the years pertaining to its mascot. Just bring back the damn Warriors already. THIS IS SPARTA!


[Editor's Remark: I am so glad the NCAA decided to bring back the more generic East, West, Midwest, and South Regions. Trying to keep track of the individual cities that changed every year was a waste of time]

#16 Central Connecticut State Blue Devils vs. Ohio State Buckeyes
Winner: Ohio State
Reason: Sure, I've made the argument "What the hell is this, what the hell is that" during this little spiel. I'm lucky I know what a buckeye is, since I've lived close enough to the Buckeye State. So you can claim regional bias on this one. It also doesn't help Central Connecticut State that their Blue Devil looks like a little punk from the Archies.

#15 North Texas Mean Green vs. #2 Memphis Tigers
Winner: North Texas
Reason: They're not just the Green. They're the MEAN GREEN. Feel their pain, Tiger bitches!

#14 Penn Quakers vs. Texas A&M Aggies
Winner: Texas A&M
Reason: Well, it's not like Aggies are especially violent, but Quakers are pacifists by nature, so a quick blow with a pitchfork is about all that's needed here.

#13 Albany Great Danes vs. #4 Virginia Cavaliers
Winner: Virginia
Reason: The Great Danes are (FINALLY!) the first great nickname I've come across in my travels. Unfortunately, though large enough to be miniature horses, Great Danes are huge targets for any self-respecting Cavalier, even if they are reputedly hard-drinking dandies in plumed hats.

#12 Long Beach State 49ers vs. #5 Tennessee Volunteers
Winner: Tennessee
Reason: Years of fruitless prospecting caught up with many a 49er, and a well-trained Volunteer can nail a squirrel from thousands of yards away. Yeah, they're that good of marksmen.

#11 Stanford Cardinals vs. #6 Louisville Cardinals
Winner: Louisville
Reason: Well, um, this is about as evenly matched as it gets. I'm as baffled by this as I was by the Villanova-Kentucky Wildcat battle. But I'm more baffled by the Stanford Tree. I say the Louisville Cardinals make a nest in it.

#10 Creighton Blue Jays vs. #7 Nevada Wolf Pack
Winner: Nevada
Reason: A pack of wolves vs. some blue jays? C' this even a battle?

#9 Brigham Young Cougars vs. #8 Xavier Musketeers
Winner: Xavier
Reason: There's no way the Musketeers are losing to a bunch of freaking Mormon cats. All for one, and one for all!

Monday, March 12, 2007

The Perfect Strangers Forecast

Great job on the play-in game preview, Krildog. But I'm afraid the very scientific computer simulation may have to step aside for reality (or at least my version of it).

All right, it's been a long time since I've posted anything of consequence here. So it's time to step it up.

I'm going to start by predicting the NCAA Tournament in the Balki style. Now, if you don't know what I'm talking about, then let me give you a brief refresher course. In the classic TV 80s TV series Perfect Strangers, there's an episode where Balki impresses Cousin Larry by predicting the outcome of football games based on their mascots. You know, a Ram would beat a Colt, that sort of thing. I'm going to apply that same (il)logical method to first-round games in the tournament. I'll do one region tonight, and catch up to the rest by Thursday.

I'm going to start from the West Coast, and work my way across.

Florida A & M Rattlers vs. Niagara Purple Eagles
Winner: Niagara
Reason: Yes, a Rattler is deadly. But the Eagle (a purple one at that) has the advantage of flight. Plus I seem to recall how some Eagles actually eat snakes, swooping from the air to grasp them in their talons.

#16 Niagara Purple Eagles vs. #1 Kansas Jayhawks
Winner: Niagara
Reason: In a shocking tournament first, the mighty Purple Eagles beat Kansas in this bird-on-bird faceoff simply because their eagle mascot looks a lot more pissed off than KU's fucking family-friendly "I'm so happy" Gayhawk. Seriously, what the hell is that bird smiling at anyway?

#15 Weber State Wildcats vs. UCLA Bruins
Winner: UCLA
Reason: C'mon, UCLA doesn't even use a fearsome bear in their official logo. The fact UCLA's logo is written in baseball-type script should knock them down a few points. But consider this: maybe they're not showing the Bruin because it's so freaking awesome, it'd pop right off the page and maul you to death. That's exactly what will happen to the scrappy Wildcats.

#14 Wright State Raiders vs. #3 Pitt Panthers
Winner: Pitt
Reason: Apparently, the Raiders are represented by a wolf. A freaking wolf. Shouldn't raiders have like swords and bows and arrows and shit? Shouldn't they be manning giant catapults capable of launching flaming balls of death at their opponents? Since they're not doing that, the little punk wolf is going down, beaten to a pulp by a Panther that looks like it's got rabies. It's a painful way to go.

#13 Holy Cross Crusaders vs. Southern Illinois Salukis
Winner: Holy Cross
Reason: You've got a religious zealot against some type of dog I'm not sure even exists. It's not even a contest. Heck, things probably got so bad during the Crusades that people had to eat dogs anyway. So stick a sword in the Salukis, and watch them burn. The only thing that would be worse for the poor dogs would be if they wore turbans.

#12 Illinois Fighting Illini vs. #5 Virginia Tech Hokies
Winner: Illinois
Reason: There will be no Chief Illiniwek to lead the Illini to victory. But since no one knows what the hell a Hokie is (the official definition of a Hokie is "a true Virginia Tech fan" and the school's mascot is a turkey-inspired bird), this is a complete bloodbath. I mean really, what's a loyal techie fan going to do against a kickass tribe of murderous Illini? If you said "pee his pants," you'd be right. The only way VT would pull this out is if the Vick brothers show up with a heavily armed posse.

#11 Virgina Commonwealth Rams vs. #6 Duke Blue Devils
Winner: Duke
Reason: Sometimes the powers of darkness wear blue. Even though Duke's Blue Devil looks pretty damn happy for the prince of evil, a Ram doesn't stand a chance. The Blue Devil will hypnotize the officials or something. And, if something displeases a certain member of the team, he'll just break the Ram's nose anyway.

#10 Gonzaga Bulldogs vs. #7 Indiana Hoosiers
Winner: Indiana
Reason: The unstoppable force of the giant I and U will crush the poor Bulldog.

#9 Villanova Wildcats vs. #8 Kentucky Wildcats
Winner: Villanova
Reason: Um, this is kind of a tough call. Wildcats vs. Wildcats. Do East Coast Augustinian Order Wildcats beat Southern our-college-was-founded-as-an-Agricultural-and-Mechanical institution Wildcats? I guess the Roman Catholic Wildcats come out on top, cuz they're just a little more motivated. Or something.

Previewing the Play-In Game


I fired up the old Xbox with my copy of College Hoops 2k7, loaded the official team rosters, set the halves to 20 minutes and picked Dayton Arena as the location. I let the computer control both teams and let Niagara be the home team since they had the better record. And after a thrilling game, Florida A&M prevailed 60-58. While the Purple Eagles outshot (51% to 44%) and outrebounded (29 to 26) FAMU, they fell short in the turnover battle, coughing the ball up 30 times to the Rattlers' 20. Florida A&M won the battle in the paint as well. outscoring Niagara 42-26.

Junior SG Leslie Robinson led the way for the Rattlers with 15 points, 4 assists and 5 steals. Senior C Rome Sanders was the other FAMU player in double figures with 14. Sanders also added 4 steals and pulled down 3 rebounds in the victory. The Rattlers bench outscored Niagara's 14-6, had more second chance points (14-10) and more fast break points as well (10-2).

Niagara had three players in double figures despite the losing effort. Senior PF Cliff Brown led all scorers with 18 points while adding 3 rebounds and 3 steals. Senior SF J.R. Duffey had 13 points and 7 boards to go along with 2 assists and 2 steals. Senior PG Lorenzo Miles had 11 points to go along with 7 steals, 2 assists and 2 rebounds.

Is this a glimpse of what is to come? We won't know for sure until the teams tip off from Dayton tomorrow night at 7:30. Join TFT as I will try my best to liveblog the thing. Feel free to toss your 2 cents in by leaving a comment or emailing during the game. I'll also have some sort of preview of Thursday's action on Wed night and I know Studicus will be back in action soon enough as well. See you tomorrow night!