Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Evil Set to Invade Indianapolis

Hoodie is coming.

So is Tom Terrific.

Wow, it's going to be a battle this weekend!

The Colts have started off the season in a great way once again. So have the Patriots. They've done it in completely different ways...the Colts have eked out a couple of wins and relied on a good defense and running game. From what I've seen, the Pats have passed, passed, passed their way to an undefeated record. Of course, that New England defense isn't bad either! The AFC Championship Win last year was one of the most incredible things I've ever seen. In some ways, I can't really believe it happened at all.

This is a different year. I think the Colts are better. Their defense is healthy and physical. They've still got a one-two running back combo and terrific receivers. Their focused, unwavering, and they don't get rattled. They're the gentlemen of the NFL, though that distinction may not be the best thing to hold in the brutal & manly world of pro football.

The problem? Well...the Patriots are better, too. Anyone who says otherwise is insane. They already had a good offense, now they have a dynamic one. It's amazing how potent they are. Don't get me wrong, I hate them. I hate Brady, I hate Rodney Harrison, I hate their sadistic coach. But I can't deny they're good. They're scoring points in bunches, and Washington was supposed to be a "defensive test" for them last week.

52-7 was the final score, and that was only because Washington scored a late "F-You" TD at the end. The Patriots are running it up like USC.

I know there's another end to the spectrum. There are people out there who don't live in the greater New England area who hate Peyton Manning. But the ESPN mouthification that Brady is receiving is legendary. Aw, hell. It's a media wide mouthification. In fact...here are a few things you may have missed:

-while running up the score against Washington, Tom Brady laid his hands on a lame man who walked again
-while running the score up against the Dolphins, Tom Brady fed the entire crowd with only fishes and loaves
-Tom Brady uses a rattlesnake for a condom; wait...no that's Chuck Norris; Brady doesn't use those things...just ask Bridget Moynahan
-as evidenced by the atrocious hat he wore during postgame interviews over the weekend, Tom Brady likes to play Sherlock Holmes, solving crimes in his spare time
-Tom Brady has the ability to cure cancer, AIDS, and syphilis just by thinking about it, but Coach Bill Belichick won't let him do it because Hoodie is pure evil
-Tom Brady is single-handedly responsible for ending the Cold War
-Tom Brady takes a lot of heat off his offensive line by generating a protective forcefield around
himself
-Tom Brady faced off against Chuck Norrs, Master Chief, and Jack Bauer at the same time and still won
-if Tom Brady is ever injured while staying in the game too long, it won't matter because he can heal himself with his divine powers

Dang it...I hate the Patriots.

So dear friends and Anti-Patreeites, remember these words of wisdom from Christopher Walken...



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