Friday, March 21, 2008

DVD Collection Parts 26 & 27

The Best of SNL: Will Ferrell

Rating: 76

Plot summary: Will Ferrell leads the SNL cast through some of his "best" skits and sketches. Included: More Cowbell, Fred's Got Slacks, The Lover, The Spartan Cheerleaders, and more! Sadly, there's no reference to his Neil Diamond impersonation, although GOULET! does make an appearance.

Favorite Quote 1: "Oooo, Fred's got slacks on the boulevard!"
Favorite Quote 2: "And now a fiendish anthem from the bowels of hell!"

Acquisition story: I'm pretty sure this was a simple case of buying the DVD at Best Buy when there was a discount ($5.99 or something like that). Always enjoyable to have Will Ferrell...even though I'm pretty sure I could've assembled a "Best of" DVD with some better skits. This seriously does not have his best stuff on it.

Lingering questions: Who picked these sketches? Will they actually release a DVD containing nothing but Ferrell's brilliant work as the host of "Celebrity Jeopardy" and "The Actor's Studio?" That would be a collection truly worthy of a "Best of" disc.

Office Space


Plot summary: Beaten down by life, office worker bee Peter gets hynotized and realizes that nine-to-five isn't his style. He hooks up with an adorable waitress and hatches a plan with two co-workers to screw their evil company Initech out of hundreds of thousands of dollars. When the basis for your master plan is ripped directly out of Superman III, you know you're screwed. Great turns by Stephen Root (Milton) and the terrific Gary Cole (Lumbergh).

Favorite Quote 1: "Yeah...that'd be great."
Favorite Quote 2: "It is horrible, this idea."
Favorite Quote 3: "It's a mat with different conclusions that you can jump to."
Favorite Quote 4: " If things go well I might be showing her my O-face. Oh... Oh... Oh! You know what I'm talkin' about. Oh!"
Favorite Quote 5: There was nothing wrong with it... until I was about 12 years old and that no-talent ass clown became famous and started winning Grammys."
Favorite Quote 6: "We're going to federal POUND ME IN THE ASS prison."
Favorite Quote 7: "PC load letter? What the fuck does that mean?"

Acquisition story: This was a movie I wasn't properly introduced to until college. Nothing in particular sticks out in my mind about acquiring it. I know it wasn't a gift or anything like that.

Lingering questions: Does Swingline make a finer stapler than Boston? Didn't anyone hear Milton at any time threaten to burn down the building? Did anyone else feel kind of bad for Milton when he didn't get a piece of cake? Shouldn't Gary Cole be in every single comedy? That's guy is awesome! Do you really think the jump to conclusions mat is a horrible idea?

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

The Rest of the Perfect Strangers Forecast

Midwest Regional

1 Kansas Jayhawks vs. 16 Portland State Vikings
Portland State
Reason: Even though Portland State's logo looks like it's a freaking race car helmet with Viking's still far superior to that stupid-looking Jayhawk. My Lord...I hate that thing.

8 UNLV Runnin' Rebels vs. 9 Kent State Flashes
Kent State
Reason: Because a big angry bird beats a yellow-belly Confederate runaway a flash.

5 Clemson Tigers vs. 12 Villanova Wildcats
Reason: Sure, sure. That Villanova Wildcat looks simply fearsome. I don't think he's as feral as the Arizona Wildcat. Plus, the Clemson Tiger is doing freaking push-ups!

4 Vanderbilt Commodores vs. 13 Siena Saints
Winner: Vanderbilt
Reason: The Commodores have been the Commodores for a long time. Siena? They've struggled with their nickname. First, they were the Golden Warriors. Then, they became the Indians. Before the NCAA's push to root out all Native American references, they changed their mascot to the Saints. Their logo, however, does not include a holy man. It's a dog. A freaking Saint Bernard. Get it?

6 USC Trojans vs. 11 Kansas State Wildcats
Reason: Armed with armor and swords, the Trojans rise victorious. Even if they're not really sure they're fighting a Wildcat...since the logo is kind of obscure and all.

3 Wisconsin Badgers vs. Cal State Fullerton Titans
Cal State Fullerton
Reason: I overheard the Titans, "Badgers? We don't need no stinkin' Badgers!"

7 Gonzaga Bulldogs vs. 10 Davidson Wildcats
Reason: This is a close one. The teams' respective mascots look really bloodthirsty. I'm going with the Wildcats on this one. They just look a little bloodthirstier.

2 Georgetown Hoyas vs. UMBC Retrievers
Reason: Hey, I'm still not sure what a Hoya is exactly. I'll give you that the Hoya mascot probably looks more fearsome. But there's a coldness lying just below the surface in the eyes of the retriever. I fully expect him to go retrieve some piece at a time.

I spot the eyes of a cold-blooded killer in that dog. Do you?

East Regional

1 North Carolina Tarheels vs. Mt. St. Mary's Mountaineers
North Carolina
Reason: You'd think, with a name like "Moutaineers" that a rugged mountain man would be involved. Instead, Mt. St. Mary's simply likes to call itself "The Mount." I think that's exactly what the Tarheel's Ram will do...mount "The Mount."

8 Indiana Hoosiers vs. 9 Arkansas Razorbacks
Reason: To go back to a joke I used last animal or mascot (not even a feral Wildcat) can withstand an assault from a giant I and a giant U. It's just not possible.

4 Washington State Cougars vs. 13 Winthrop Eagles
Washington State
Reason: I've never been a big fan of the abstract "WSU" logo that resembes a cougar. However, as the picture below shows us...the Cougar itself looks like a pretty cool guy. He may not be rabid or anything like that...but he sure beats the snot out of that milquetoast Eagle logo.

5 Notre Dame Fighting Irish vs. 12 George Mason Patriots
Notre Dame
Reason: There was a lot of talk this week about how St. Patrick's Day fell on Holy Week. The Irish response: "We'll celebrate with our green beer no matter what the Holy Church says! Because we're Irish first and Catholics second!" With resolve like that, how can anyone stop them?

6 Oklahoma Sooners vs. 11 St. Joseph's University Hawks
St. Joseph's
Reason: For more than half a century, the Hawk has terrorized opponents. It's a fearsome beast with razor-sharp claws (they just happen to be hidden under those tennis shoes to protect the crowd) that never stops flapping its wings. When your school has the motto, "The Hawk Will Never Die," you know a hapless Sooner is about to get whacked.

3 Louisville Cardinals vs. 14 Boise State Broncos
Boise State
Reason: While Cardinals are proud, fierce warrior-birds, there's something about that pissed-off, blue-and-orange Bronco that says "stay away from me, birdbrain."

7 Butler Bulldogs vs. South Alabama Jaguars
Reason: Call me sentimental. I like the Bulldogs here. Butler's Bulldog has the heart of a champion. And though the Dawgs are facing Jaguars, which are usually fierce creatures, this isn't the case with South Alabama. I'm on the fence as to whether their Jaguar is constipated...or simply retarded.

2 Tennessee Volunteers vs. 15 American Eagles
Reason: You've got to hand it to the American Eagle: not only is it a fitting mascot for the university, it's truly all-American. But I have the feeling the Eagle is volunteering for a beating. A severe beating.

South Regional

1 Memphis Tigers vs. UT-Arlington Mavericks
Reason: The Memphis Tiger is quick, unrelenting. The Maverick? Well, it's just kind of "out there" by itself. That's what a "Maverick" is, right? A lone gunman, an individual who's not afraid to buck the trend. In some cases...that makes you the main course for a Tiger Feast.

8 Mississippi State Bulldogs vs. Oregon Ducks
Reason: If you've read this far, you've realized that "reason" is a misnomer in these here parts. That's how a wacky, quacky Duck can put a severe beating on a Bulldog. Only here. Only on TFT.

5 Michigan State vs. 12 Temple Owls
Michigan State
Reason: I have a feeling Tom Izzo and the boys are going to find themselves with their backs against the wall. As if a thousand armies of the Persian Empire are about to descend upon them. And while their arrows will blot out the sun...the Spartans will fight in the shade. That's way out of Owl range.

This is perhaps the only man able to inspire more out of a Spartan than Tom Izzo.

4 Pittsburgh Panthers vs. 13 Oral Roberts Golden Eagles
Reason: The Oral Roberts Golden Eagle lacks the nobility of other eagles in this tournament. Instead, he's cartoony and smug, reminding me more of the stupid Indiana Beach mascot (if you're from Indiana, you'll get that one). That smirk on his face? Fake confidence. The Panther is licking his chops.

6 Marquette Golden Eagles vs. 11 Kentucky Wildcats
Reason: These are some hot Wildcats! They've played strikingly well lately. And Marquette...well...Marquette is still reeling over the loss of the "Warriors" moniker. There was that whole "Gold" phase, too. Man, what a mess. What a mess.

3 Stanford Cardinal vs. 14 Cornell Big Red
Reason: This is perhaps the most boring matchup...Cardinal ( against Big Red (not the gum or the delicious soda). Boy, this red-on-red violence is going to ruin our country. I give the edge to Cornell on this one. I won't make any tree jokes (which, as Stanford's website will tell you again and again...the tree is NOT their official mascot)...but I do want you to see why Cornell wins this one. Make sure you mouseover the "C" logo when you visit their athletics website. Oh yeah.

7 Miami Hurricanes vs. 10 St. Mary's Gaels
Reason: I'm not sure if any "Gaelic-speaking Celt of Scotland, Ireland, or the Isle of Man" will be able to stop the bird attacks. More specifically, the attacks of Sebastian the Ibis.

This amazingly awesome bird is supposed to be able to detect Hurricanes before they come. Unfortunately, I don't think the Gaels will see him coming.

2 Texas Longhorns vs. 15 Austin Peay Governors
Reason: Governors are adept at dodging questions, deflecting blame, and generally making asses out of themselves. When faced with a Longhorn, there is no running, only fear. And the goring. Oh...the goring.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

2008 Perfect Strangers Forecast

It's back!

The Perfect Strangers Forecast. For an explanation of what this here. More amusement is here.

I love the NCAA Tournament! If you don't...I will destroy you. Oh yes...I will destroy you.

West Regional

1 UCLA Bruins vs. 16 Mississippi Valley State Delta Devils
Winner: Mississippi Valley State
Reason: The Bruins took a beating last year in this very same forum for their lack of a fearsome-looking bear. The t-shirt to the right pretty much says it all. Even when they have a bear, it's some cutesy kids club mascot. And that, my friends, is why the Devil, nay, the Delta Devil, wins this matchup.

8 BYU Cougars vs. 9 Texas A&M Aggies
Winner: BYU
Reason: C' last year's edition, those freaking farmers were outclassed by a pacifist Quaker. Don't you think a Cougar will do far, far worse?

5 Drake Bulldogs vs. 12 Western Kentucky Hilltoppers
Winner: Drake
Reason: Listen, if WKU wants to take Grimace, turn him red, and give him a freaking "Toppers" banner, that's fine. Just be aware that the Drake Bulldog means business. That's right, he's leering at you, Big Red. And he's hungry.

Big Red: it's what's for dinner.

4 UConn Huskies vs. 13 San Diego Toreros
Winner: San Diego
Reason: If a bullfighter is brave enough to, um, fight bulls...don't you think he'd make mince meat out of a freaking mushing dog? Oh...I think so. Plus, with a man like Diego Torero roaming the sidelines with his unsettling and slightly devious smile...what could possibly stop them? Oh, must look out for Diego Torero. He's the kind of charming guy who flirts with your wife right in front of you, walks around in his tight bullfighter's pants...and then sweeps your girl off her feet when you get up to go to the bathroom.

Do not let this guy near your wife or daughter.

6 Purdue Boilermakers vs. 11 Baylor Bears
Winner: Purdue
Reason: Whether it's death by Boiler Pete or a speeding locomotive, I think the Bear is in for a world of hurt.

3 Xavier Musketeers vs. 14 Georgia Bulldogs
Winner: Xavier
Reason: All for one and one for all! Swashbuckling + swords + muskets = mutilated Bulldog. Someone please clean up the mess.

7 West Virginia Mountaineers vs. 10 Arizona Wildcats
Winner: Arizona
Reason: Man-sized. feral Wildcat in a hat vs. bearded guy in a coonskin cap. I said man-sized, feral Wildcat.

The sad thing about this picture? Not only is the Wildcat about to get laid...he's already eaten the Moutaineer. Just look at that ferocious and feral grin.

2 Duke Blue Devils vs. 15 Belmont Bruins
Winner: Belmont
Reason: There's just something unsettling about the Duke Blue Devil. Maybe it's that devious grin. Or the sense of entitlement. Or the fact that no one likes Duke. Nevertheless, be bested by a ferocious Bruin. UCLA...take notice. This is what Bruins are supposed to look like! Mean, angry, and hungry! If UCLA would get its act together...I'd be digging them, too!

Monday, March 17, 2008

DVD Collection Parts 24 & 25

Clear and Present Danger


Plot summary: Reluctant action hero Jack Ryan returns for another adventure that has little if any resemblance to the book it's actually based upon. When a friend of the president and his family are killed, ostensibly by drug smugglers, the president orders a full-on war on drugs. Well, actually...he doesn't order it. He kind of implies that he'd like to get revenge on the Colombian drug cartels responsible for killing his buddy. He puts this "reciprocity" in the hands of two high-level officials, Robert Ritter and James Cutter. Without telling Ryan, they send a black ops team into Colombia to hit the cartels where it will hurt the most. But when the #2 man to one of the top cartel leaders discovers U.S. troops are in the country, he tries to broker a deal, and Ritter and Cutter sever their ties with the boots on the ground. The deception drives Jack to confront the president and engineer a hasty rescue mission. Somewhere in the middle of all this, Admiral Greer dies from pancreatic cancer and that #2 guy from the cartel has an affair with someone Jack works with.

Favorite Quote 1: "These drug cartels represent a clear and present danger to national security of the United States."
Favorite Quote 2: "They have directly challenged the sovereign power of the United States."
Favorite Quote 3: "We're way past birthdays now."
Favorite Quote 4: "How dare you come into this office and bark at me like some little junkyard dog!? I am the President of the United States!"
Favorite Quote 5: "I have no recollection, Senator."

Acquisition story: I lusted after this particular box set for a long, long time. Finally, with a gift card from Target, I was able to get it. I know, I know...pretty boring.

Lingering questions: What happened to Willem Dafoe's face? Great actor...but GEEZ! What's so special about the Lindo Coffee brand? Is it better than Starbucks? Why isn't Henry Czerny in more stuff (yes...I know...I've already used that one)? How fake did Harrison Ford's fall look during the RPG/caravan sequence? What the hell is a "Latin Jack Ryan?"
The Hunt for Red October

Rating: 92

Plot summary: Those wacky Russians! They've lost an experimental nuclear submarine!'s been stolen by a madman! A madman who hates the United States so much, he'd love to launch a billion nuclear missiles off the East Coast and then head back home. What? He wants to defect? That's what Jack Ryan says. Too bad no one believes him!

Favorite Quote 1: "Most things in here don't react well to bullets."
Favorite Quote 2: "The captain seems to think you're some kind of cowboy."

Acquisition story: Read above. It's terribly exciting.

Lingering questions: Why won't anyone listen to Jack? How is it that James Earl Jones gets to play Greer in three Clancy-based movies, but we get two different Jack Ryans? How spot on was Alec Baldwin's Sean Connery impersonation? How cool is it that Sean Connery doesn't even attempt a Russian accent?

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

DVD Collection Parts 22 & 23

King Arthur (Director's Cut)

Rating: 93

Plot summary: A "historical" take on the King Arthur legend, the movie stars the awesome Clive Owen as the titular character. Arthur and his team of Sarmatian knights return from their "final" mission to get their walking papers. But when an envoy arrives from Rome to serve their papers, he orders them to undertake one last, dangerous mission. Arthur agrees under protest, and he and his men go to rescue a Roman family that refuses to leave, despite the threat of the invading Saxons. The group engineers a dramatic escape, Arthur meets his future wife, Keira Knightley paints herself blue, and a legend is born.

Favorite Quote 1: "You were free from your first breath!"
Favorite Quote 2: "Finally, a man worth killing."
Favorite Quote 3: "You must not fear me."
Favorite Quote 4: "It was my life to be taken! Not this! Never this!"

Acquisition story: This was simply an essential purchase. When I saw this movie in the theater, my initial reaction was lukewarm. My wife (then fiance) and I rented it and became obsessed with it. If we ever need a movie to watch when there's nothing on television, King Arthur is there like a reliable dog on a bad day!

Lingering questions: Why doesn't Clive Owen simply own Hollywood? I love that guy! So um, where did that whole Arthur and the Holy Grail thing go? Or was that just a creation of Monty Python? Is there anyone out there with a cooler name than Stellan Skarsgard?

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest

Rating: 88

Plot summary: After beating the curse of the Aztec gold, Captain Jack Sparrow finds himself in a spot of trouble. He has a debt to pay to Davy Jones, and the Tentacled One wants to make sure he pays in full. As far as the rest of the plot goes, there's some sort of giant octopus-like thingy, a heart in a chest, and a love triangle. And don't forget all the double-crossing, an undead monkey, an alcoholic former Commodore Norrington, a giant battle on a big wheel, and a game of dice I still don't understand. Okay, I'm being really lazy on this plot summary. Let's just say there's a lot going on here, okay?

Favorite Quote 1: "I've got a jar of dirt! I've got a jar of dirt! And guess what's inside it!?"
Favorite Quote 2: "Where is it? Where is the thump-thump?"
Favorite Quote 3: "Hide the rum."
Favorite Quote 4: "My story? It's exactly the same as your story, just one chapter behind."
Favorite Quote 5: "Have you not met Will Turner? He's noble, heroic...terrific soprano."
Favorite Quote 6: "Yep. I'm good with it."

Acquisition story: My wife's uncle bought this for my wife and I Christmas 2006. The movie has a lot of meaning to us. We watched it a couple of times while on our honeymoon in Scottsdale, Arizona. We also went to see this at the theater on opening night, which was a mistake. I had no idea Pirates had become such a phenomenon until I saw people dressed as pirates standing in ridiculously long lines. It was so busy, the theater added new showings on the fly. Absolutely crazy.

Lingering questions: I know it's not that complicated, but could someone map out exactly what happened in this movie? (I'm kidding) Does anyone else think this flick sorely missed Captain Barbossa? I know I did. Keith Richards' influence aside, can you imagine anyone creating as memorable a character as Johnny Depp's Captain Jack Sparrow? I actually think his "out of nowhere" turn in the first movie was Oscar-worthy. Can you believe this is a sequel to a movie based on a theme park ride!!?

Uh-oh. Look's the Bloom-o-meter. It now stands proudly at three and three-quarters!

Thursday, March 06, 2008

DVD Collection Parts 20 & 21

The Last Samurai

Rating: 88

Plot summary: Tom Cruise is a Civil War vet with a dark past. When he's offered a crapload of money to teach the Japanese army the subtleties of modern warfare, he initially balks. The sum ends up being to his liking and he travels to Japan, where the leaders are attempting to modernize battle tactics and purge their warriors of the way of the samurai. During their first action against samurai warriors, Cruise and his soldiers are soundly defeated; Cruise is captured. He's taken to a secluded area to heal from his battle wounds, put at war with himself, his past, and his own values while being befriended by the great samurai leader Ken Watanabe. Determined to right his life, Cruise embarks on a final battle against the very troops he trained, restoring his own personal honor...and paying his respects to a man who changed his life forever.

Favorite Quote 1: "I will tell you how he lived."
Favorite Quote 2: "I have introduced myself. You have introduced yourself. This is a very good conversation."
Favorite Quote 3: "This is the President of the United States of America! He is here to lead our armies in victorious battle against the rebels!"

Acquisition story: Nothing spectacular here; just a simple purchase of a summer movie that I really liked. Didn't think I'd like the movie as much as I did, especially when I saw the original trailer. It made it think like Tom Cruise would be playing a Japanese warrior. I guess he kind of a way.

Lingering questions: Why isn't Ken Watanabe in EVERY movie? That guy is awesome. Who is the "last samurai?" Is it Ken Watanabe's Katsumoto character, who was truly the last of his kind? Or is it Tom Cruise's Nathan Algren...who learns to embody the traits of the samurai? It's one of my favorite questions.

Transformers: The Movie (20th Anniversary Edition)

Rating: 84

Plot summary: The Transformers flash forward a few years. The Autobots and Decepticons continue their bloody (make that "energon-spilling") war. A surprise attack from the Decepticons takes the Autobots off-guard until Optimus Prime shows up for a "final" battle with Megatron. Both robotic warriors use every trick and tactic in their arsenal in a truly epic fight scene. Optimus dies from the battle, passing the Matrix of Leadership (which we've never heard of until then) to his "old friend" Ultra Magnus (who didn't exist until the movie came out). However, Ultra Magnus is a soldier and lacks the true heart to carry the Matrix. Megatron, in the meantime, is cast out by Starscream and left for dead in space, where he meets Planet Orson Welles (er...Unicron). He gives Megatron a significant upgrade, turning him into Galvatron. Robotic sharks, villains with spinning heads, all-new heroes and villains, and the Immortal Stan Bush make this one impossible to miss!

Favorite Quote 1: "Till all are one!"
Favorite Quote 2: "One shall stand, one shall fall!"
Favorite Quote 3: "Coronation Starscream? This is bad comedy!"
Favorite Quote 4: "One day, an Autobot shall rise from our ranks, and use the power of the matrix to light our darkest hour."

Acquisition story: I'd wanted a copy of Transformers: The Movie on DVD for a long time. I had a bootlegged VHS version that my friends and I dubbed in high school. In college, I bought a proper VHS copy. I used that for a long time until the 20th Anniversary Edition hit stores. I think I scored my copy at Target.

Lingering questions: Did they really think killing Optimus Prime was a great idea? And did the people who greenlit this movie ever stop to realize they'd have theaters full of crying six year olds? Transformers was never the same after they killed Prime! Even though he was a a lot of kids like me, he was just as much of a hero as Superman! He was old and dying, but this was the best "last role" Orson Welles could find? Isn't that sad? Although I suppose it's fitting that a man of his generous proportion would play a planet-size robot. Why do the Stan Bush songs "The Touch" and "Dare" always cheer me up? Will someone please explain that?

Monday, March 03, 2008

DVD Collection Part 19

NOTE: From here on out, "Odd acquisition story" will simply be "Acquisition story." I's dynamic!
Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope

Rating: 100

Plot Summary: A young moisture farmer on a distant far away planet yearns for something more than his simple life. His wish comes true when his uncle buys two droids that just happen to play a role in the fight against the evil and oppressive Galactic Empire. Before Luke Skywalker realizes it, he's rubbing elbows with a certified war hero (Obi-Wan Kenobi), a pirate (Han Solo), a princess (Leia Organa) and a big walking carpet (Chewie!). Awesome special effects, the cinema's most compelling villain (that would be Darth Vader, not Grand Moff Tarkin!), and John Williams' masterful symphonic score make this film set in a galaxy far, far away one for the ages.

Favorite Quote 1: "I'm Luke Skywalker. I'm here to rescue you."
Favorite Quote 2: "The Force will be with you, always."
Favorite Quote 3: "Great shot kid, that was one in a million. Now let's blow this thing and go home."
Favorite Quote 4: "Perhaps you'd like it back in your cell, your highness."
Favorite Quote 5: "The circle is now complete. When I left you I was but the learner. Now I am the master."
Favorite Quote 6: "We're doomed!"
Favorite Quote 7: "Into the garbage chute, flyboy!"

Acquisition story: This, simply put, is the only reason I need a big screen TV and a surround sound system. DVDs were introduced in the late 90s ('97? Or '98? I can't remember), but Star Wars didn't make it to the format until much later...try 2004! I've had pretty much every incarnation of the original trilogy on VHS (the CBS/Fox release, the THX remastered versions, the Special Editions), so getting it on DVD put it in the "must have" category. I bought this the first day it came out. Unlike many fans, I didn't pre-order it. I just had faith that it was Star Wars and that stores would have plenty of copies to go around. Thankfully, I was right. In true Lucasfilm tradition, you'll also see several different DVD sets floating of them is a complete rip-off that doesn't include a disc with bonus features on it. There are also the versions that offer the original, unaltered movies as bonus content (sadly, they're non-anamorphic widescreen).

Lingering questions: Is there a whiny gene in the Skywalker gene pool? Why does George Lucas insist on making Greedo shoot first now? Doesn't having Han shoot first show the viewer he's kind of a shady guy? Furthermore, why must people use the phrase "raped my childhood" in reference to the Special Editions? Are they that bad (Jedi Rocks aside)? What kind of person would I be if I'd never seen Star Wars? If you're going to make big changes to the movies...why not go ahead and insert The Imperial March into the original Star Wars movie?

Saturday, March 01, 2008

DVD Collection Parts 17 & 18

Old School

Rating: 90

Plot summary: Mitch comes home from a business trip, only to find that his girlfriend is a certified freak who enjoys, ahem, relations with multiple "guests." Bummed by the whole thing, he moves out and buys a house on a college campus. To help release Mitch "into the wild," his friends Beanie and Frank (okay, okay...mostly Beanie) organize Mitch-a-palooza. The party goes over so well that Beanie and Frank (okay, okay...mostly Beanie) decide to start their own fraternity, using Mitch's house as a homebase. Initially reluctant to accept it, Mitch eventually embraces his role as "the godfather," leading a mismatched group of miscreants and outcasts to fight for their very existence. Bonus appearances by Craig Kilborn, Andy Dick, and Will Ferrell's nude posterior.

Favorite Quote 1: "Frank the Tank! Frank the Tank!"
Favorite Quote 2: "Honey, do you think KFC's still open?"
Favorite Quote 3: "True love is hard to find, sometimes you think you have true love and then you catch the early flight home from San Diego and a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded like a goddamn magic show ready to double team your girlfriend..."
Favorite Quote 4: "Earmuffs."
Favorite Quote 5: "Well, um, actually a pretty nice little Saturday, we're going to go to Home Depot. Yeah, buy some wallpaper, maybe get some flooring, stuff like that. Maybe Bed, Bath, & Beyond, I don't know, I don't know if we'll have enough time."
Favorite Quote 6: "I'm just trying to make a point, Frank. You don't have to celebrate it."
Favorite Quote 7: "You're my boy, Blue! You're my boy!"
Favorite Quote 8: "You're crazy, man. You're crazy. I like you, but you're crazy."

Odd acquisition story: I had nothing to do with buying this. Although it's truly one of the funniest movies I've seen in a while, my friend Jan purchased it as a Christmas gift. Hmmm...anyone else think I should change "odd acquisition story" simply to "acquisition story?" I'll put it under advisement. And...shouldn't this go under the "lingering questions" category?

Lingering questions: Why does stupid Andy Dick have to crop up in movies like this and Zoolander? Does anyone actually find that guy funny? I know I don't! What ever happened to Craig Kilborn? I know he pretty much played himself in this particular movie, but he was pretty entertaining. Just how late is KFC open?

Best of SNL: Christopher Walken


Plot summary: Christopher Walken stars in a ton of different Saturday Night Live skits. Standout sketches include "The Continental," "Pranksters," the one where Mr. Walken is the captain of an ill-fated sea voyage, "Behind the Music: Blue Oyster Cult" (best known for "more cowbell"), a Mango sketch, "Ed Glosser: Trivial Pyschic," and one in which Mr. Walken tries to "help" a census bureau worker played by Tim Meadows.

Favorite Quote 1: "There's no stopping the bird attacks!"
Favorite Quote 2: "I've got a fever. And the only prescription is more cowbell!"
Favorite Quote 3: "We know that NOW. It's easy to say that NOW!"
Favorite Quote 4: "Again, I'd like to apologize for the gay stuff."
Favorite Quote 5: "I pranked him to death with a tire iron!"
Favorite Quote 6: "At that're gonna treat yourself to a vanilla ice're gonna eat it too're gonna get an ice cream's gonna hurt...real bad. eight, nine seconds."

Odd acquisition story: I bought this one on a whim because I like Christopher Walken. It's probably the best sub-$10 purchase I've ever made. Simply put, I'm obsessed with this disc. Need proof? Check out this post, this one, this one, and this one.

Lingering questions: Is there anything Christopher Walken won't do? Has anyone seen any skit take a sharper left turn into hilarity as the "Pranksters" skit? That thing starts out so stupidly...then Walken comes on and blows us all away! Are you taking lovers walks? Well, are you?