Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Studicus Selects 2008

Proudly I present today my favorite memories and things from the year 2008. It's a quasi-annual tradition called "Studicus Selects." I thought I had done this every year since 2005...but apparently, I skipped out on it in 2006. You know, the Colts won the Super Bowl that year...so I was kind of distracted.

You'll find the past "Studicus Selects" at the following links. It's like traveling in a time machine!

Studicus Selects 2007

Studicus Selects 2005

Favorite theater experience: Iron Man. I saw this multiple times at the movie theater and enjoyed it every single time. There's just something so cool and suave about Robert Downey, Junior's smart-aleck Tony Stark that stuck with me. Or maybe it was just the poor fire extinguisher robot that couldn't do anything right. I'll tell you this, though...when those credits rolled and Samuel L. Jackson came out...that was pretty freaking cool.

Best purchase, major lifestyle change category: My wife and I bought a house! Well, okay...it's a condo. It doesn't really matter...it's a great place to live and we have a lot more space for all our stuff. I like it because of the garage and the fact the fridge has an ice/water dispenser. Mrs. Studicus loves it because of the awesome fireplace. It sure is expensive being a homeowner, but it's worth every penny...even when they aren't many pennies left.

Best purchase, cool gadget category: Hey, if we're getting a house, Studicus is getting his space...a place where I can play Xbox, watch sports, crush cans on my head, scratch, and write. In that room sits this year's best cool gadget purchase: my 42" plasma HDTV. Xbox games look great, DVDs look phenomenal, and we have a wide variety of HD channels to watch.

Most unexpected benefit of having an Xbox 360: Despite Microsoft's "kinda-okay" New Xbox Experience, the big M did add nice functionality by partnering with Netflix. If you're a subscriber and you have an Xbox, you can view "Watch Instantly" movies on your TV. This is a great idea, though the selection of movies is limited to older stuff. The TV selection is good, however...I almost feel like I own seasons three and four of "The Office." I just hope the movie selection gets larger and begins to include newer releases. I know those would compete directly with the Video Marketplace, but offering great flicks should be the real focus of the partnership.

Worst book series that spawned a movie to enslave my wife and legions of women and teenage girls across the country: Oh, Twilight, how I loathe thee. I have not read your book, so I won't pass judgment upon the literary merits of the novel or its sequels. However, I will pass judgment on the fanatical groups of girls who've nearly killed new "it" boy Robert Pattinson at various mall appearances. Then there are the YouTube Twilighters who seemed to have brainwashed my poor wife by sending her countless videos of main characters Edward and Bella, most of them set to the song "Iris." Tip to you YouTube Twilighters: if everyone uses "Iris," all your videos will seem the same. Pick something daring. Do something different. Choose "The Touch" by Stan Bush.

Best 'Studicus 1996 predicts this email thing will take off soon' moment of 2008: Hey, Guitar Hero is a lot of fun. After years of virtually ignoring the music game genre, I got into the game pretty big this year. It's Mrs. Studicus' fault...she wanted Guitar Hero for Christmas. I went overboard, getting a couple of wireless guitars plus Guitar Hero II, III, and Aerosmith. It's been a lot of fun. Heck...I even had a blast playing Rock Band at a buddy's house earlier this month. It's proof that you don't have to have any musical talent to have fun at those games. I am proud of the 100% flawless performance I gave for the vocals on "Don't Fear the Reaper."

Easiest snack chip-based time filler game for building your Gamerscore: Doritos Dash of Destruction is free on Xbox Live Arcade. Drive a truck, avoid a T-Rex. Play a T-Rex and smash the trucks. Play "both campaigns" and win a cooperative match for an easy 200 gamer points. You can do this in less than 20 minutes. I'm not kidding.

Best moment in sports: For my money, February is way too far away. So even though Eli Manning's eternal throw to David Tyree should win this category, I'm going somewhere else. EVERYONE will pick that play. Instead, I'll go to a game moment I'll never forget, when Sage Rosenfels got helicoptered and coughed up a game to the Colts. He followed that fumble with another one...and the Colts completed a miraculous comeback that's helped them build momentum for their upcoming playoff run.

Best unexpected perk that just about everyone I know passed up: My father-in-law gave me tickets to see the Colts play the Ravens at Lucas Oil Stadium. The problem was finding someone to go with! All my friends were out of town or unavailable. My parents couldn't make it. My uncle's in-laws were in town. One of my friends was on his way to Cleveland. Finally, I found a buddy and his wife actually willing to go with me. I started to wonder if I had an offensive body odor.

Most frustrating game mode in an Xbox game purchased during a charity auction at work: The Kombo Challenge Mode in Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe is extremely difficult. Unless I can use something other than the Xbox's crappy controller, I'll never finish this mode. Not all of it can be blamed on the controller...anyone can tell you I suck at fighting games. But darn it...I've finished six of Batman's ten Kombos...and am continually frustrated while trying to perform the other four. Screw you, "Pro Moves."

Best pirating of Star Wars phrase as euphemism for 'dinner and a movie': "The Kessel Run." Finding ourselves meeting at the same Steak n' Shake before going to see a movie at the same movie theater, Krildog and I began calling the ritual "The Kessel Run." I must be emphatic about this: the Kessel Run must start at the Steak n' Shake on South East Street and end at the Kerosotes Showplace 16 and IMAX. Without either of these two conditions, it's not a Kessel Run. It's just dinner and a movie.

Best non-use of second blog whose existence probably means I'm committing "blog adultery" on TFT: I've registered icrimsonstreak.blogspot.com. It's supposed to be a blog to help launch a book I've been writing. However, if you've visited the link (poor fool!), you'll notice there's nothing there. The timing isn't right...not yet, not yet.

Most overwatched DVD over the last week that started as a Netflix rental and then made its way into my collection: Loved The Dark Knight in theaters, but didn't get a chance for a second viewing. I was juiced when I got it via Netflix on the first week of release. So juiced, in fact, I watched it four times. Then, when no one got it for me for Christmas, I launched my own one-man quest to find a copy of the movie that started the day after Christmas. Four stores, two days, and one aborted attempt to stand in a huge line at Best Buy later, I finally scored a copy that wasn't the fullscreen version. Somehow, I've turned into a "widescreen" snob. I'm very sorry.

Best discovery involving long-lost anniversary wind chimes from Arizona: My wife bought some lovely turquoise wind chimes while we were in Arizona for our honeymoon in 2006. Somehow, they got put away in a closet at our apartment, never to be seen again. Ah...until that fateful day when we began moving from our apartment to our new house and Mrs. Studicus came across them. She discovered the chimes almost two years after we'd originally bought them.

Best assist, major purchase: Mrs. Studicus and I got a lot of help from our respective parents when it comes to getting our condo. Without their advice and concern, we couldn't have pulled it off.

Boilers get miracle win over Badgers

Staring down a 21-0 deficit midway through the third quarter, a stunned Purdue crowd sat in silence at Ross-Aide stadium.

Polite applause greeted a Dan Dierking touchdown reception that led to a 21-7 deficit. Frustrated groans greeted Justin Siller's fourth interception of the game.

When it was all said and done, the final whistle sounded and somehow, some way the Purdue Boilermakers emerged victorious, eking out an ugly 22-21 win over visiting Wisconsin.

The Boilermakers were their own worst enemy, catching an unprecedented case of turnoveritis.

"That's the clinical term for when you keep giving the ball back to the other team," a nervous, visibly sweating Coach Matt Adams said, wiping his brow with his left hand. "I don't know what the (expletive) that was out there, but it wasn't Purdue football."

The madness started after a strong defensive stand to open the game. Freshman wide receiver Luke Campbell fumbled a punt inside the ten-yard line, giving the Badgers prime field position. Wisconsin converted a fourth and goal situation after quarterback Curt Phillips ran into the end zone on a quarterback scramble.

Trailing 7-0, Purdue came out running, handing the ball to Dan Dierking on four consecutive plays. A first down and 17 yards later, Justin Siller rolled left on a play-action pass.

Wisconsin intercepted it.

Again, the Purdue defense held. Again, Siller threw it to the wrong team. Wisconsin made this one count. Facing third and 14, Phillips found wide received David Gilreath for a 63-yard score.

"He just split the deep cover guys," Adams said. It wasn't looking too good after that.

The long touchdown gave the Badgers a 14-0 lead at the half.

Siller threw another interception to open the second half. The play set up a nine-yard touchdown pass to P.J. Hill off a screen play. Just like that, Wisconsin, a heavy underdog, took a 21-0 lead.

"Justin had a terrible game, just a terrible game," Adams admitted. "I swear to God, I've got to keep Joey Elliott away from him during film sessions. It was a big hill to climb, those six turnovers."

The Boilermakers surged back midway through the third quarter, when Siller found Dierking for a seven-yard score. After the defense stopped Wisconsin on its next series, Purdue finally caught a break with a big play. Working out of the two tight-end set, Siller faked a handoff to Dierking and found tight end Arsenio Curry wide open to the left. The speedy tight end sprinted ten yards, broke a tackle, and took it all the way for a 66-yard touchdown.

"That was a huge momentum shift, finding Arsenio like that," Siller said. "A lot of this game was a nightmare. But just like that, we were back in it."

In fact, the Boilermakers trailed by just a touchdown. The defense stopped Wisconsin yet again. Then Purdue stopped itself...again...after Siller's fourth interception.

"I started to think I was invincible and got careless. You can't do that when you're down," Siller said apologetically.

Again, Purdue's defense held, with Mike Neal sacking Phillips on a third-and-five play that forced a punt.

"They tried to run this play-action stuff," Neal explained. "They'd been doing it all game. No one bit that time. Let's feast!"

With more than two minutes left, Siller methodically drove the Boilermakers down the field. He hit Kellner for a 15-yard gain, Dierking for a 13-yard gain. Then he found tight end Kyle Adams for a 33-yard connection. Adams fumbled the ball on the two-yard line, with just under two minutes left. It was Purdue's sixth turnover of the game.

"I thought to myself, 'you've got to be kidding me.' To quote that lady from The Rock, what kind of (expletive)-upped tour is this?" Adams asked, confounded.

P.J. Hill ran left for a two-yard gain on first down. Purdue let the clock run. On second down, Hill ran right for a one-yard gain. Purdue used its first timeout. On third and seven, Neal made another huge play, sacking Phillips just inside the one-yard line. Purdue called another timeout with 1:37 remaining in the game.

"Just a great play by Mike. He's the defensive MVP of the game," Adams said.

That's when the miracle occurred.

Wisconsin was forced to punt in the shadow of its own endzone. Freshman linebacker Aaron Randle exploded through the line and blocked it. The Badgers recovered the ball for a safety. The crowd exploded and just like that, the score was 21-16. The Boilers were set to get the ball back.

The ensuing free kick went out of bounds, setting Purdue up in great field position. With only a single timeout remaining, Siller ran the two-minute offense to near-perfection. Three throws picked up three first downs. Adams managed to get out of bounds after a seven-yard throw. The drive threatened to stall twice, but Siller found Dierking for a key fourth-down conversion. Four plays later, he found Anthony Kellner for another fourth-down conversion.

With just 12 seconds left, Siller and Kellner hooked up again for a six-yard score. The Boilermakers led 22-21. The two-point conversion failed, but that didn't matter to Coach Adams.

"You have to go for two in that situation. With the way our defense played in that second half, I was confident they wouldn't get in field goal range in 12 seconds. I have at least that much confidence in our guys out there."

Notes

Siller finished 28-37 for 346 yards, three touchdowns, and four interceptions...Senior QB Joey Elliott was three-for-three after Siller was knocked out of the game for a series...Kyle Adams caught eight passes for 88 yards...Dierking had eight receptions for 73 yards and a touchdown; he did not register a single carry after the first drive...Kellner had six catches for 97 yards and a touchdown...Curry finished with four receptions for 91 yards and a score...Kyle Jones led Purdue with eight tackles, two of them for losses...Kevin Green had seven tackles, a tackle for loss, and an interception...Mike Neal had four tackles and two sacks...the Boilers finished with -7 rushing yards due to big losses on sacks.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Boilers crush Gophers, win seventh straight

The Minnesota Golden Gophers entered their game against third-ranked Purdue hoping for a major upset that would turn around their season.

After an impressive 13-play opening drive that put them ahead 7-0, Minnesota was feeling pretty good. Then, Purdue proceeded to run off 52 straight points. The Golden Gophers didn't even make it past the 50-yard line for the rest of the game.

"Wow. After that opening drive, I was starting to worry about the defense. Those guys really stepped it up after that. They didn't give Minnesota any breathing room at all. I'm really proud of them," Coach Matt Adams said, using his right hand to sweep the bill of his trademark black hat.

This game was an exercise in domination and humiliation. Purdue outgained Minnesota 432-148 in total offensive yards. 76 of Minnesota's yards came on the game-opening drive.

Justin Siller provided the spark yet again in place of the injured Joey Elliott. Siller passed for a career-high 412 yards. He finished with five touchdown passes and added another score on a quarterback sneak.

"We went away from the spread a little bit this week," Siller explained. "We used a lot more two tight end formations. Some of my guys got wide open."

No one was more open than tight end Arsenio Curry. A coverted wide receiver, Curry finially lived up to his promise, catching eight passes for 160 yards. His 54-yard TD catch was a game breaker. Running a wheel route out of play action, no one picked up Curry. All alone, Siller lofted the ball in the air, Curry brought it in, and took it the rest of the way. There wasn't a Minnesota defender within 20 yards.

"You look at a play like that and you see Minnesota's record and you can see why they're struggling," Adams said. "To leave a guy like that so open...it'll break your back."

Siller spread the ball around, finding nine different receivers in a variety of formations.

"Coach really wanted to open it up this week," Siller said. "We worked on a lot of different things, a lot of different ways to attack that defense. It paid off."

Curry's big pass catch was a highlight of the game on offense. Defensively, a single hit defined the game. Freshman safety Gavin Roberts blew up the Golden Gophers' Harold Howell, who fumbled the ball. Freshman linebacker Ryan Tyson picked it up.

"That was one of the most ferocious hits I've ever seen," defensive tackle Mike Neal said. "I mean, G-Rob just laid down the law on that one. That'll be a picture for Gavin to show to his kids, for sure."

"I was just trying to keep the guy from getting any more yardage," Roberts explained. "He already had the first down. I just launched at him, Bob Sanders-style. Before I knew it, the ball was out."

In addition to the forced fumble, Roberts had five tackles and an interception. Tyson finished with eight tackles, three tackles for loss, and the fumble recovery.

The Boilermakers take on Wisconsin next week.

Notes

Freshman wide receiver Anthony Kellner left the game briefly with a strained abdomen that affected his usually prodigious receiving totals...five different Boilermakers caught touchdown passes, including Kyle Adams, Aaron Valentine, Arsenio Curry, Waynelle Gravesande, and Anthony Kellner...three of Siller's touchdown passes came in the third quarter, when the Boilermakers scored 21 points...Purdue was 7-7 in the redzone with six touchdowns and a field goal.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Boilers tame stubborn Lions

To the surprise of many Purdue fans, injured senior quarterback Joey Elliott started the game under center.

But Justin Siller finished it, leading Purdue to a hard-fought 35-28 win over Penn State.

After throwing an interception on his first series of the game, Elliott was yanked from the game.

"I think that elbow is still bothering him," Coach Matt Adams said. "He came over to the sideline cringing and pointing at it. The only thing we could do was put Siller in the game. I can't have an injured quarterback out there."

"He said that? No, the docs cleared me this week. My elbow feels fine," Elliott insisted. "I'm serious. Need me to prove? Come and arm wrestle me!"

Elliot hit for a first down pass on his first attempt. He finished 2-3 for 16 yards and an interception. His replacement, Siller, was 24-30 with three passing touchdowns. He added two rushing scores to the mix.

Penn State struck first, when quarterback Pat Devlin hit Kevin cousins for a 23-yard touchdown pass on the opening series of the game.

Purdue responded with Elliott's interception. On the very next play, safety Gavin Roberts stepped in front of a pass from Devlin and intercepted it. The play led to a long drive and a game-tying touchdown run from Siller.

"Gavin's interception was key," Adams said. "And after we had to pull poor Joey out of the game, Justin stepped up."

With the game tied at seven all, Penn State drove down the field. But the drive stalled, and the Nittany Lions settled for a field goal from kicker Jonathan Everett to pull ahead 10-7.

Purdue took a 14-10 lead after Siller found Aaron Valentine for a 35-yard score. It wasn't easy.

A holding penalty negated a long pass from Siller to Waynelle Gravesande. It backed the Boilers up to second-and-20. On the very next play, Siller found freshman Luke Campbell for a 17-yard hookup. On third and three, he hit Valentine for a short gain. The senior broke a tackle and outraced PSU's defense for the go-ahead score.

"That play was all Aaron," Siller told the media after the game. "All we wanted to do was pick up the first down there. We did a lot more than that. All the credit to Aaron for breaking that tackle."

Purdue stuffed Penn State's offense on the next drive. With good field position, Siller made quick work of the Nittany Lions defense, eventually finding Anthony Kellner for a nine-yard touchdown. Just like that, the Boilermakers led 21-10.

"I was feeling pretty good after that," Adams said. "We had an 11-point lead going into halftime. At least, that's what it looked like at the time."

Penn State wouldn't relent. With 15 seconds left to play in the first half, defensive tackle Mike Neal sacked Devlin. Penn State called a timeout. With Purdue's nickel defense in place, Devlin hit receiver James McDonald for a 62-yard score. Suddenly, the score was 21-17.

"Terrible. Absolutely terrible. I chewed the defense' (expletive) after that one. I also challenged my defensive coordinator to a fistfight, Uwe Boll style. What can I say? My temper gets to me sometimes," Adams admitted.

Siller guided the Boilermakers on an efficient drive to start the second half. It culminated in a five-yard touchdown pass to tight end Kyle Adams.

The Nittany Lions refused to go away. Quickly, they drove down to the two-yard line before Purdue's defense stiffened, forcing Penn State to settle for a 22-yard field goal from Everett.

"They still gave up too many yards, but I was happy with the effort. They weren't going to give up the touchdown there," Adams said.

Siller picked the worst time of the game to make a mistake. Rolling to his left, he tried to loft an off-balance throw to Adams. Penn State picked it off. Three plays later, the Nittany Lions made it 28-26 with a seven-yard touchdown pass from Devlin to Cousins. Devlin found Cousins again on the two-point conversion to tie the game.

"I wasn't worried about it," Siller said. "I knew we'd come back and score again."

Siller's optimism proved unfounded as Purdue punted on its next possession. A huge run from running back Evan Royster took the ball all the way to Purdue's 15-yard line.

The defense came up with a big one.

Facing first and ten, Devlin tried to find Cousins over the middle. Linebacker Kevin Green jumped up and intercepted it.

"I don't know if he didn't see me or what," Green said. "I mean, I was standing right in the middle of the field. Kind of hard to miss. We needed that play bad, man."

The interception set up Purdue's final drive, which ended with a short touchdown run from Siller, his fifth TD of the game. The score made it 35-28.

"We were just trying to churn some clock and get the big score," Siller said. "As long as we got into the endzone, I knew the defense would step it up."

With little time to work with, Devlin couldn't get the ball past the 30-yard line. Siller ended the game with a kneel down.

"Tough game, tough game," Siller admitted. "We eventually took care of business."

Notes

Penn State outgained Purdue 324-311 in total offense...Purdue dominated in time of possession, 11:36-8:29; the Boilermakers were incredible in the redzone, converting all four redzone opportunities into touchdowns...Dan Dierking ran 11 times for 36 yards...Kellner narrowly missed another 100-yard receiving day, catching eight balls for 98 yards...tight end Kyle Adams had another big day, reeling in eight receptions for 39 yards...tight end Aresenio Curry had a breakout game, catching five passes for 67 yards...Aaron Valentine's only catch of the game was a 35-yard touchdown...Ryan Tyson again led the Boilermakers with eight tackles, cornerback Charlton Williams added seven...punter Chris Summers had to ice down his leg after a busy day in which he punted twice.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Siller, Purdue spank Spartans

After earning a tough road victory against Ohio State in relief of injured starter Joey Elliott, Justin Siller seemed more than comfortable at home.

When the dust settled, Siller and his Purdue Boilermakers had demoralized the visiting Michigan State Spartans. The super sophomore finished 20-24 for 321 yards and four touchdowns.

"Wow, I don't know what to say," Siller admitted while toweling himself off in the locker room. "We worked really hard this week to prepare for this game and it paid off. Got a lot of guidance from Joey (Elliott)."

The Spartans kept it close, scoring a field goal with 16 seconds left in the first half. But back-to-back plays from Purdue zapped the spirit right from them.

With 16 seconds left to go, Siller found freshman Anthony Kellner for an astounding 65-yard touchdown play that put the Boilers up 14-3 at the half.

"Kellner, you know, boy's got some wheels. He just blew past his man. All I had to do was float it up there," Siller said.

Things didn't get much better for the Spartans after that. Kick returner Waynelle Gravesande took the second half opening kickoff back to the house for a 96-yard return.

"That broke their backs," Coach Matt Adams said. "They were hanging tough, but after those two big plays, there just wasn't any fight left in those guys. 'Spartans, prepare for glory,' my ass."

Big plays fueled the Purdue offense. The Boilers had six plays that went 30 yards or more.

Of course, the game didn't start off all that well. Michigan State marched the ball all the way down to the one-yard line on its first possession. After two runs and two incomplete passes, the Boilers had an amazing stand at the goal line.

"I was proud of the effort there," Adams said. "They had momentum, and we stole it right from them. Too bad we fumbled it right back."

Siller guided the offense all the way down to the Michigan State five-yard line. On third and one, he ran a quarterback sneak, but forgot to hold onto the ball.

"Really, that was the only mistake we made all day," Adams said. That's two fumbles in two games inside the redzone. If this keeps up, I'm going to have to start calling them 'Siller specials.'"

The Boilermakers forced a punt from Michigan State on the ensuing possession, and took the lead midway through the second quarter, when Siller found Aaron Reid for a seven-yard touchdown to give Purdue a 7-0 advantage.

Time and time again, the Boilers came up with big plays, like a 36-yard pass to Dan Dierking on third down and a 36-yard pass to Aaron Valentine on second down.

"Justin was in the zone," Adams said. "If this football team wants to win, we're going to need play like this from him for the rest of the season."

Even if Joey Elliott is due to return next week?

"I don't know if Joey's going to be back. I hear he's having complications with his elbow injury."

"Problems? What problems? Where did you hear that? Joey's progressing fine," team trainer Dr. Peter Rosenrosen said.

"Joey told me he was still experiencing some pain," Adams countered. "I just don't want to put him in. I mean, you know, unless he's 100%."

"You know, let's talk about the game. What was with Michigan State's game plan? I mean, we're knocking the snot out of them and they're still trying to run the ball. When it's 28-3, you shouldn't run a counter play."

Notes

Anthony Kellner had another great game with five catches for 100 yards and a touchdown...in addition to his game-changing 96-yard kickoff return touchdown, Waynelle Gravesande also pulled in a 44-yard TD catch...Dan Dierking carried 13 times for just 37 yards; he also caught four passes for 53 yards...the 300-yard performance from Justin Siller is the first of his career; the four TD passes are a career high as well...Luke Campbell had another solid effort, catching four balls for 49 yards...linebackers Ryan Tyson, Kevin Green, and Michael Davis each had seven tackles apiece...Purdue outgained MSU in offense 372 yards to 182

Purdue slips pass Buckeyes

A hostile environment of more than 100,000 fans greeted the Purdue Boilermakers at Ohio State's famed Horseshoe.

Despite the screaming and yelling, the chest-bumping and the fast start, the crowd couldn't propel the fifth-ranked Buckeyes to a win over fourth-ranked Purdue. Three costly turnovers were just too much to overcome.

"That was one heck of a loud and noisy crowd," Purdue Coach Matt Adams said. "They were fired up and raring to go. We were really out of sync to start the game."

Ohio State got the ball first and struck on a 52-yard touchdown pass from Antonio Henton to Ray Small. The quick strike ended up being Ohio State's only lead, though the team would remain close.

"A lot of adversity today," Adams said. "Especially after we lost Joey Elliott. Although I'm not sure I didn't hear some of our fans cheer after that one."

Elliott hurt his elbow while rolling to his left. He hit wide receiver Aaron Valentine for a first down. After several agonizing moments on the turf Elliott rose to his feet and tried to throw some warm up passes.

"I tried to see if I could get loose enough to continue," Elliott said. "It just wasn't working. Coach could see that. I think that's why he told me to go hit the showers. In fact, those may have been the first words out of his mouth when he came onto the field."

"It, uh...just didn't look good from my angle," Adams said. "I thought Joey should go, um, hit the shower because I thought he got dinged pretty good."

Redshirt Justin Siller entered the game in relief of Elliott. After finding success on a couple of option plays, Siller turned it over inside the Buckeyes' ten-yard line with a bad pitch.

"That was tough. We've practiced that play a lot and it was disappointing to see Justin pitch it instead of taking it up field. Really, there wasn't much there," Adams said.

Purdue's defense forced a stop two plays later, when defensive tackle Mike Neal sacked Henton. He recovered the fumble himself and bumbled his way into the endzone for a 13-yard score.

"If a stuffed turkey could run, that's what it would look like," Adams said, smiling. "Seriously, that play turned the entire game. Without Neal's big play, I don't know what happens there."

"That's Thanksgiving dinner for a lineman, man," Neil boasted. "The sack is the turkey, the fumble is the dressing, the recovery is the mashed potatoes, and the touchdown is the gravy. Gravy, let it pour!"

The defensive touchdown turned the tide. After evening the score at 7-7, Purdue stopped Ohio State near midfield on a fake punt. It didn't take Siller long to show off his powerful arm. He hit Anthony Kellner for a 32-yard touchdown. The pass was a bullet.

"My hands still hurt from that," Kellner said, shaking out his hands. "I mean, wow. Justin's got a cannon."

Seemingly in control, Purdue let the Buckeyes draw a little bit closer, with Aaron Pettrey connecting on a 36-yard field goal with five seconds left in the first half.

"They're an explosive offense," Adams said. "They're fast, they're disciplined, and since they're Ohio State, I take it they're well compensated, too."

Purdue opened the second half with a long drive that stalled at the 19-yard line. The Boilers settled for a 36-yard field goal from Chris Summers and a 17-10 lead.

Again, the Buckeyes drove down the field and again, Purdue's defense kept them out of the endzone. Pettrey's 44-yard field goal made it 17-13. Ohio State never drew any closer.

"Really proud of the defensive effort," Adams said. "We gave up some yards, but beat 'em back when it mattered most."

Purdue added a touchdown in the fourth quarter from Siller to Waynelle Gravesande. A late 33-yard field goal from Summers capped the scoring.

Purdue (4-1) plays Michigan State at home. The game is at Ross-Aide stadium and will be broadcast on ESPN8, the Ocho.

Notes

Siller finished 17-25 for 180 yards and two touchdowns in his relief role; he also carried six times for 15 yards...Anthony Kellner continues to thrive, pulling in seven catches for 94 yards and a touchdown...Dan Dierking didn't find much running room, but caught five passes for 41 yards...Luke Campbell was more active in the offense, pulling in three balls for 49 yards...David Pender led the team with ten tackles...linebacker Kevin Green finished with an impressive stat line: six tackles, two tackles for loss, a sack, and an interception

Monday, December 15, 2008

Common Sense in the Logic Department and the Human Response.

Ok readers, Dr. Metal Maniac PhD is going to bend your minds a little bit...or should I go nostalgic and take the Dr. Mindbender route!? I digress to the point.

The THESIS: " Logic, Common Sense, and the Human Response"

The CONCLUSION: "Logic = for the few, Common Sense = Absent like Sanscrit, Human Response = "Fuck it, What Do I Care"

The SUPPORTING ARGUMENT:

I believe that in the last 5 years, we as a human race have been devolving from a higher status. The common logic now is that there isnt any thought to action because our sense of responsibilities and the facets that would hold us to accountability, has been taken away. Example, knock someone up, your life's not over, get an abortion, new start. Yet have a car accident with a pregnant woman (who may be getting such abortion but hasnt), and you could be held to involuntary manslaughter if she loses the baby, and serve a nice term.

The SUPPORTING EXAMPLES:

The Holiday season...the new release of a "Highly Anticipated Video Game Release". Walmart, on Black Friday, the masses herd to a door like a bunch of pot-heads at a Ticketmaster Booth for a Cheech and Chong concert in the heyday. Door opens, and the guy who opens the door, is now trampled because of a SALE. My ass doesnt go NEAR a shopping center on Black Friday. Thats just as bad as going to a Casino and actually thinking you're going to get food at the Buffet because the Seniors are going to clear it out and spend the pension money at an all-day sl0t-fest, not to mention (INSERT DISCLAIMER TO THE OPINIONS OF METAL MANIAC DO NOT REFLECT THE OPINIONS OF THE OTHER FLYING TRAPEEZIUS CONTRIBUTORS HERE) the "blacks" and the "chinamen" that wont let ya bust into their dedicated Roulette and Blackjack games. Don't believe me? Go try it, I'm serious!

Now the Videogame anticipated releases, reserve your copy....so you can stroll calmly to the counter, give all the idiots who didnt reserve the deserved "Krildog 1-fingered Salute" pick up your copy and go home to play the new game until the sun comes up and even call off work. TRUE STORY, DONT NERD-HERD someone to get the copy of HALO 3!!!! (A student while I graced Univeristy of Phoenix Online called in to cancel their appointment because their father was tranpled and had some messed up vertebre from a Nerd-Herd).

We stress education in our lives, but it seems like going to get your education only matters if you want to make money, however you may or may not lead the "good life", but isnt it comforting to know, that we'll all be "spreading the wealth" so some lazy ass person can "GET PAID" to buy more shit that will not make them any better off, just continue draining socitey and the upstanding people. My cure for the whole situation....let natural selection handle it, or take a page from Queensryche and start OPERATION MINDCRIME!

That is all, class dismissed.

Colts win 7th straight, tame lowly Lions

Like last week's win, it almost feels like this one shouldn't count. The Colts drubbed Cincy last week...a team that somehow has two wins and a tie despite its maximum amount of suckage. As a reward the following week, they get Detroit. Detroit Suck City.

Man, the Lions are bad. Every time it looked like they were going to do something amazingly fantastic, they screwed it up. A penalty here, a fumble or a dropped pass there. It's just the way things are going for Detroit.

I will say this about the Lions. No matter how completely inept they may be, at least they play hard. They played a lot harder than Cincinnati last week. In fact, if I had the opportunity to control teams' destinies for the season, I would say the Bengals deserve to be winless while the Lions deserve at least one win. The effort was there for Detroit, even though the execution was not. For Cincy, both are lacking. I didn't get a chance to see them beat Washington, but I'm mystified as to how the Bengals managed to win.

For the Colts, this was a pretty ho hum game. Defensively, they weren't particularly dominant, though they rose to the occasion on a couple of instances, most notably holding Detroit to field goals after some unfortunate fumbles during punt returns. Other than that, the defense did its thing, although Kevin Smith found quite a bit of running room (beware the cutback, boys!) and Calvin Johnson seemed unstoppable at times. I was also disappointed the Colts weren't able to get an interception...they certainly had plenty of opportunities on some poorly thrown balls from the immortal Dan Orlovsky.

I also didn't like how the defense wilted and allowed Detroit to tie the game. I have to give the Lions a lot of credit for going for the two-point conversion (although it wasn't as much of a "decision" as the announcers during the game seemed to think it was). I really liked their play call...distracting the defense by running Johnson in motion and then going to the tight end.

Of course, what followed was pretty predictable. The Colts marched right down the field and scored the go-ahead touchdown. The big play was a 39-yarder to Reggie Wayne, who'd been solid but fairly unspectacular up to that point.

When all was said and done, it was a 31-21 win for the Colts, their seventh in a row. It's hard to believe this team was 3-4 just a little while ago. They haven't dominated anyone (the only blowouts that come to mind are Baltimore and Cincinnati), but they've won the types of games that test a team's mettle. It should bode well for them in the playoffs.

It was good to have Jeff Saturday back...it seems like the running game has a little more "oomph" when he's in there. The running game wasn't fantastic, but it did enough to remain, hmmmmm...passingly effective?

Peyton Manning was awesome...he completely carved up the Lions' secondary. He was extremely efficient. Of course, I kept wondering if the Lions would ever bother to cover Dallas Clark. I know the Colts have lots of weapons and you can't cover them all...but when the tight end gets double-digit catches for 140+ yards, well, something's wrong! DC made a couple of jaw-dropping catches...including a one-hander, an off-balance TD grab, and an off-balance sideline catch that proved to be a key play.

Right now...it's hard to fathom. The Colts are 10-4 and still in prime playoff position. Wow.

UK wins "Battle of the Cats" but lose Pulley; championship season in jeopardy!

Lexington, Kentucky – The University of Kentucky football team has won the battles but could easily lose the war. After blowing out #4th ranked Clemson 45 - 14 with both a punishing defense and offense, Kentucky football was on top of the world. That next week they made the biggest jump in AP Top 25 Polling history by going from #12 to #3 in a single week, and Curtis Pulley propelled himself as the front runner for the Heisman Trophy.

But even this week’s 37 - 10 victory over the LSU Tigers couldn’t change the somber mood of the Kentucky faithful. Curtis Pulley, Heisman frontrunner and offensive dynamo, broke his elbow and will be out for 6 agonizing weeks.

Heisman chance – Out the door

Player of the year – Out the door

1st team All American – Out the door

Pulley vs. Tennessee – Out the door

Volunteer nation exploded in jubilation as the news was heard during a halftime announcement in the trouncing of Georgia 41 to 14. “Hell yeah I’m excited,” said an enthusiastic Coach Chris Barrett who firmly secured his hat to his head. “I mean, that dude [Pulley] really (expletive deleted) us off last year. And I mean REALLY (expletive deleted) us off.”

Coach Fife tried to calm the panicked waters by reiterating that team play has gotten them this far. “Nothing has changed. We win with all of the players on the field. Losing Curtis is a blow but this is a great opportunity for us to get better without him.” Offensive coordinator Jamie DeBurger was not so optimistic. “All of our offensive schemes will have to change,” said DeBurger. “It was based on Curtis [Pulley]’s arm and legs! Pass protection must get better. This is no good, no good tonight at all.”

Coach Fife took one from the president’s playbook by stating numerous times to “stay the course” and “winning these battles will take time.” Time, ironically, is the key word here. Mike Hartline, Pulley’s backup, had none of that versus LSU. Hartline was sacked an unacceptable six times. “Mike [Hartline] must have time to throw,” said Fife. “Our weakness at offensive line will really be exposed for the next six weeks.” Hartline had three interceptions in the win over LSU. Coach Fife also stated that Will Fidler is the emergency quaterback if Hartline were to be injured.

Championship Defense


Kentucky’s defense continues to terrorize quarterbacks. Paul Warford has 6 interceptions in the last two games. He leads the team in interceptions and is 2nd in tackles. “Paul has been simply amazing,” said Fife. “I never fathomed he’d make this big of an impact.” “We a going to simply have to rely much more on defense until our offense can catch up, and in the meantime, our offense cannot make critical turnovers.”

Monday, December 08, 2008

Loser mentality strong in Cincinnati

This is a tough one to write.

For while I follow the Colts very closely, I also keep an eye on that "other team" down the way on I-74. Among all my blue, horseshoe-adorned apparel, you'll find flecks of bright orange and the occasional Bengal tiger stripe.

Yes, I am a closet Bengals fan.

Growing up as a kid in the eastern part of Indiana, the Colts didn't have much of a hold on me. Those teams from 1984-1994 were full of mediocrity, losing, and unfamiliarity. I knew nothing about the Indianapolis Colts. Instead, I followed the Cincinnati Bengals. Boomer Esiason. James Brooks. David Fulcher. Icky Woods. For years, those were my guys. To a certain extent, they still are.

There was a Super Bowl appearance in there, a fun, free-wheeling offensively-driven team that was fun to watch. They had (and still have) the best helmets in the league. Though I've not been a big fan of their recent fashion statement, Bengal tiger stripes are awesome. You can't deny it.

Of course, a guy named Jim Harbaugh came along, played with grit and determination, and won over this sports fan. It was an immediate (but not total) conversion. While I bled blue and white, I urinated orange and black. Or something.

That's about where the Bengals belong. Check that...my urine is probably too good for them.

It's hard to follow the Cincinnati Bengals. They're a punch-line every season. Even when fortune smiles upon them and they draft a guy like Carson Palmer, they manage to blow it. Blame bad luck. Blame injuries. Blame Mike Brown. I've maintained this for the past few seasons: Carson Palmer is too good for the Cincinnati Bengals. He's too good for Chad "Johnson" Ocho Cinco, Chris Henry, Cedric Benson, and the rest of that collection of miscreants. It's a culture of losing there that hasn't changed, won't change. Not until Mike Brown is gone, the taint of his management washed from the hallways and aisles of Paul Brown Stadium.

The Bengals are a complete joke. That football team isn't even competitive. It's hard to believe they've somehow managed to bungle losing every game this season; they beat Jacksonville (and that was extremely satisfying for Colts fans, who have to put up with the talk about how this is the "year" for the Jags, only to delight in watching them implode) and tied a decent Philadelphia team.

I'm the kind of fan who watches just about every minute of every game, no matter how good or bad it goes. I sat through the 41-0 loss to the Jets in the playoffs; the back-to-back deconstructions in New England, the back-to-back 3-13 seasons. I've managed to watch about 90% of IU basketball games this year, a daunting task to be sure.

Yet, I could barely bring myself to continue watching the Colts-Bengals game. There was no fire from Cincinnati, no will to succeed, no passion. There was losing and a loser's mentality. You can start it with Chris Henry.

Oh, I know, he's easy to pick on. The man of a thousand arrests and bong hits. Marvin Lewis wanted him exiled from the team forever, and it looked like the Bengals would do it. Then, there were a couple injuries, Mike Brown decides it's time to bring Henry back because the Bengals are short a few bodies.

Oh, how brilliant.

Not only did Henry provide a little thuggery by taking a cheap shot at Tim Jennings, he also provided one of the most infuriating plays I've ever seen. With the Colts well up in the game, Henry was the target of a pass that was intercepted. Maybe he ran the wrong route; maybe Ryan Fitzpatrick threw to the wrong spot. The result was an 85-yard interception return by Kelvin Hayden.

What did Henry do?

Or, more properly, what didn't Henry do?

Clearly having given up on himself and the Bengals' disastrous season, Henry barely acknowledged the play, nonchalantly walking off the field, calmly taking his helmet off, and resigning himself to the sidelines. He didn't give chase. He didn't look upset. He simply gave up.

Now, it's time for the Bengals to give up on him. It reminds me of how the Pacers treated Ron Artest. After the fight and all the crap they put up with concerning Artest, he turned his back on the team and demanded a trade. Some people simply don't deserve fans' love or an organization's respect.

Thus is Henry.

A true loser playing for a team infected with a losing mentality. Yet, Henry is the worst kind of loser...one who doesn't even try.

On the flip side, you have the Indianapolis Colts. They struggled to win three of their first seven games en route to a 3-4 start. Yet, they never gave up, not even in that game against Houston that they had no right to win. They've known for the longest time that they had no shot at the division. Yet, they kept going, kept their nose to the grindstone. Now, they're sitting in good position with a 9-4 record. They won't be AFC South champs, but they refuse to be AFC South chumps.

If only the Bengals had a fraction of that resiliency, you could say with a straight face that at least they're trying. And some of them are. Just not enough of them...and not the most visible players. It's time to clean house in Cincinnati, say a prayer for Carson Palmer's elbow, and hope against hope that there's a way to fix this horribly broken franchise.

Sunday, December 07, 2008

About six apparently equals five

I had the utmost pleasure of hosting Krildog and Lady Krildog this weekend to watch the Colts play the Cincinnati Bengals. As I tried to be a conscientious host, I wanted to make sure they had some snacks for the game. An avid Target shopper, I bought their "Archer Farms" potato skins. Curiously, the box said there were "about six" potato skins in each package.

I wondered: how many is "about six?" Well, considering the fact that both boxes contained five potato skins, I now know the answer to one of life's greatest riddles. About six really equals five.

You can apply that axiom to every aspect of your life.

If you hear an announcer say, "He gains about six yards"...

You'll know that's five yards.

Find a meal that serves "about six?"

Be sure you only invite five people.

Your friend tell you he's going to be there around six?

Be sure to be ready early...because he'll be there at five.

I think you get the idea.

It wouldn't bother me so much if we were talking about a box of fish sticks that could potentially have "about 40" fish sticks inside. What I found particularly amusing in this case is that we're dealing with such a small number...six...and wound up with less than that amount. I guess I should just count myself lucky that "about six" doesn't really equal four. Because that would REALLY suck.

Friday, December 05, 2008

Big House of horrors for Michigan

After an unconvincing win against Northwestern the week before, fifth-ranked Purdue dominated a rising Michigan team in a lopsided 52-20 win.

No question about it, this one was all Boilermakers.

They outgained the Wolverines 357 yards to 251 yards in total offense. And senior quarterback Joey Elliott, despite another "Joey Elliott special," was particularly effective, throwing for three touchdowns and adding two short TD runs. He finished 31 of 46 for 345 yards.

"I thought Joey finally had a pretty good game," Coach Matt Adams said. "People get the impression that I don't have faith in Joey. That's not true. I just don't have any faith in the decisions he makes or the way he leads this team. Other than that, I think he's doing a great job."

"He said that?" Elliott responded, tears beginning to well up in his eyes. "That's the nicest thing coach has ever said to the media about me."

On the season, Elliott has 13 touchdown passes. He's added four TD runs as well.

"You know, you have to lean on a guy when you throw the ball 46 times in a game," Elliott said with a sniffle. "And that's what the game plan called for."

Don't call Elliott's 345 yards an aerial assault, however. He averaged just over 11 yards a completion. He had only three passes that went more than 20 yards, including a 53-yard TD pass to Aaron Reid and a 27-yard scoring connection with Anthony Kellner.

"I'm very impressed by our freshmen receivers," Adams said. "They've been a fantastic class. Their ability to run after the catch really helped today. Michigan simply wasn't going to give us the deep ball."

On Reid's big pass reception, the wide receiver side stepped a defender and broke a goaline tackle for the score. Kellner showed off similar evasiveness, spinning out of a tackle and racing past Michigan defenders to make it to the end zone.

"One thing coach preaches is that he doesn't want Elliott taking many shots downfield," Kellner explained. "So we work in practice a lot on juking and spinning and stuff. It's our way of creating extra opportunities."

The Boilermakers' running game has been non-existent throughout the season so far. In fact, Purdue's only four rushing touchdowns this season have come from Elliott.

"It's not that we're afraid to run the ball, it's that we're so polished in the passing game, even with all these freshmen in the game," Adams said. "It's been the legacy here at Purdue to spread the field and throw. So that's what we do."

The Boilermakers bolted out to a 14-0 nothing lead and appeared to be in control after stopping Michigan on a fourth down play near Purdue's 15-yard line. The good fortune was short-lived; Elliott was intercepted. Michigan's Donovan Warren returned it for a 20-yard score near the end of the half.

"I thought (tight end) Kyle Adams was open. Obviously, I was mistaken," Elliott conceded.

"I'll give Elliott credit for coming back strong and getting that last-second field goal. It was good work," Adams said.

After a 47-yard kick by Chris Summers at the end of the half, Purdue blew the game wide open. They scored back-to-back touchdowns. Elliott hit Reid for a 53-yard score. Less than a minute later, Kyle Jones picked off a pass from Steven Threet and returned it 80 yards for a score.

"The offense started off great in that second half," Adams said. "But the defense keyed this win. Jones had that great return and it really gave us momentum."

Jones had been close to getting an interception three times in the game. He tipped the ball once, but surrendered two long completions on the other occasions.

"Finally got one," Jones said. "That was a very, very sweet feeling. And I even took it to the house...at the Big House! Man, that was awesome."

David Pender also got into the action, setting up a touchdown and scoring one of his own. Pender picked off a pass from Threet and returned it to the ten-yard line. One play later, Elliott hit Adams for a touchdown. On the very next series, Pender reeled in another interception and returned it 30 yards for a touchdown.

"We changed our defensive coverage a little bit," Pender explained. "We'd given them a 4-3 look for most of the game and showed them some nickel. But we went with three lineman and I just stayed in my zone. Threet threw both of those passes to the flat, where I had coverage. It was easy, man...like a 'user pick' on the Xbox. You know what I'm saying?"

The Boilermakers (astoundingly ranked behind Florida State despite their win over the Seminoles) take on eighth-ranked Ohio State next week. That game is in Columbus.

Notes

Kellner had seven catches for 97 yards; Reid finished with six receptions for 108 yards; Adams had six catches for 44 yards; all three had a touchdown catch...the Boilers ran only six times...heralded recruit Luke Campbell had just two receptions for 13 yards..the Boilermakers were 5-7 on third down conversions...Elliott's 46 pass attempts are a career high...Boilermakers receivers had four dropped passes...freshman linebacker Ryan Tyson led the defense with six tackles...Pender's TD return was his second of the season...redshirt freshman Gavin Roberts leads Purdue with 24 tackles.

Thursday, December 04, 2008

Boilermakers toy with 'Cats, almost get burned

A sold-out Ross-Ade Stadium crowd saw the Purdue Boilermakers thoroughly dominate the Northwestern Wildcats for three quarters.

But the Boilers had a few problems putting the 'Cats away in the 28-21 victory.

"This was a lot closer than I wanted it to be," Coach Matt Adams admitted. "I was sure the game was over when we went up 28-7. Those purple creampuffs had some real fight in 'em."

Purdue led 21-0 at halftime. But on their first possession of the third quarter, the Wildcats connected for a quick 72-yard touchdown from Mike Kafka to Thomas Cox.

"That was quite a metamorphosis there in the second half," Adams said. "That play really got them going. How we let a guy get wide open like that in a cover two defense is beyond me. You just can't have that."

Even more intriguing was Purdue's attempt to cement the win. Leading 28-7 after a third quarter touchdown pass from Joey Elliott to tight end Kyle Adams, Purdue went for it on fourth and short near midfield. The result was an interception from Elliott, his sixth of the season.

"He just overthrew (freshman wide receiver) Luke Campbell on that one. It was an easy play for the DB," Adams conceded.

The Wildcats marched the ball downfield for a score to make the score 28-14. After a failed onside kick, the Boilermakers again tried to chomp some clock. Facing a third and short near midfield, Adams called for another pass. It was also picked off.

"I guess the fortunate thing is, we didn't see any Joey Elliott specials this week."

After another failed onside kick, the Boilermakers were able to run out the clock.

"I learned a valuable lesson about humility today," Adams said. "You can get too greedy. There's nothing wrong with a punt. I just have so much confidence in Elliott, well, the players around Elliott, that I think we can make plays when we need to."

"Yeah, coach has been riding me hard," Elliott said after the game. "But things are really going pretty well. I feel like I have his full confidence as a starter."

The Boilermakers had three turnovers in the game. One was critical in first half. After Elliott hit tight end Arsenio Curry for a short gain near the Wildcats' four-yard line, he had to leave the game with a bruised elbow. To the delight of many Purdue fans, athletic quarterback Justin Siller came into the game. He proceeded to run two option plays that went nowhere. On third and goal, he tried a QB keeper up the middle and fumbled the ball. Northwestern recovered.

"We've preached ball security from day one, but no one listens," Adams said. "We have some special packages for Justin, but that was not what we wanted, obviously."

Elliott had another efficient passing day, finishing 27 of 33 for 268 yards and three touchdowns. Running back Dan Dierking had a Kory Sheets-like day, running 11 times for 54 yards and catching four passes for 78 yards and a touchdown.

"He was a big part of our offense. Coach said he wanted to lean on some of the other guys more so I wouldn't have to shoulder the load. It's great to have a safety valve like that," Elliott said.

"What's wonderful is that you can say just about anything to a college kid like Elliott and he'll believe you," Adams said, smiling.

Anthony Kellner proved dangerous yet again from the slot, catching four passes for 61 yards. The biggest play was a 48-yard touchdown from Elliott.

"Just a short pattern there," Kellner said. "I had man on man and blew by my guy. Easy money, baby. Easy money."

Elliott completed 19 of his passes to running backs and tight ends.

"They were playing a lot of zone," Elliott explained. "And the openings were over the middle. That's why I threw to Kyle (Adams) so much."

Adams had 11 catches for 88 yards and a short touchdown catch.

Defensively, freshman safety Gavin Roberts sparked the Boilers. In the first quarter, he forced a fumble that helped Purdue stop an early Wildcats drive. In the second quarter, Roberts intercepted a pass from Kafka and returned it 43 yards for the score.

"I noticed after those plays they didn't want to come near me," Roberts said. "I think they came into the game thinking they could pick on the freshman. They found out otherwise."

The #6 Boilermakers are now 2-1 and have won two straight after a disappointing home opening loss to Cincinnati. They face tough road games back-to-back. Next week, Purdue travels to Ann Arbor to take on Michigan. After that, they go to Columbus with hopes of toppling top-ranked Ohio State.

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Kentucky flashes Krypotonite, Tebow and Gators fall

Lexington, Kentucky – The University of Kentucky took full control of their SEC destiny after the 45-14 shellacking of the University of Florida Gators. The only SEC loss for the Cats was at the hands of Tim Tebow and the Gators last year. That single loss prevented UK from going to the 2008 SEC Championship game. This time around it will be the Gators looking from the outside-in. “Yeah it does take some weight off our shoulders”, said Coach Fife with a relieved sigh. “But there are still plenty of punishing SEC games left on the schedule.” According to Fife, the game centered around one man: Tim Tebow.

He’s been called Superman, Quarterback 2.0, Heisman 3.0, and even a football god. There were even “The Twelve Tim Tebow Facts” being passed around on the web:

12. Tim Tebow once stiff-armed a horse. Its descendants are known as giraffes.

11. Tim Tebow caught the roadrunner, and then beat the hell out of Wil E. Coyote for being a pansy.

10. Superman wears Tim Tebow pajamas.

9. Tim Tebow invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual intercourse, and football. In that order.

8. God wanted to create the world in 10 days, but Tim Tebow only gave him 6.

7. Tim Tebow once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. It made him blink.

6. Tim Tebow once ate an entire cake before his friends could inform him that there was a stripper in it.

5. Tim Tebow recently had the idea to sell his canned urine as a beverage. This is now known as Red Bull.

4. For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Tim Tebow, each testicle is larger than the other one.

3. Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Tim Tebow laughs at Superman for having a weakness.

2. Tim Tebow won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance Armstrong that it wasn't a big deal. Tim Tebow thinks yellow wrist bands are gay.

1. After sex, Tim Tebow smokes. Not cigarettes - his penis literally smokes.

“Yeah we heard about those [‘The Twelve Tim Tebow Facts’]”, said Trevard Lindley. “I thought the superman references were really funny, but obviously those aren’t true.” Lindley and company made Tebow’s game day a living nightmare. Tebow’s ability to run was stopped by a constant spying of Micah Johnson. His passing was erratic, and was capped with a Trevard Lindley interception and touchdown. “After I snatched the ball, I was headed to the goal line when I saw [Tebow] try to make a tackle. I started to charge at him to knock him over and add to the highlight, but coach was screaming at to get my (expletive) in the endzone,” said Lindley. Tebow’s feeble attempt to tackle a diving Lindley at the goal line was caught for what will make a very good highlight at the UK Football Banquet. “That was a fun game, lots of highlights,” Fife said.

The offense caught fire early and made sure that Tebow could not make a superhuman comeback. Curtis Pulley connected with Alfonso Smith for 2 scores. Smith, who is coming off the bench and is becoming an “Ultraback” had this to say: “At first I really felt snubbed for being set back to 2nd string but coach told me that he’d get me in the game plan and now I’m much more versatile this year compared to last year.” Fife went on to say “I knew Alfonso could run, no question there, but when I found out how well he could catch, wow! He’s becoming a Reggie Bush right before our eyes!” Kentucky extended its streak of not using a punter in an entire game to five. The cats have yet to use a new punter since the graduation of golden toed Tim Masthay.




Injury Update

Kyrus Lanxter is out for the next 3 weeks due to a severe hip bruise. Redshirt Freshman Randall Cobb will fill the slot of injured Lanxter. "Randall came in and made excellent catches against Vandy and Florida," said Fife. "I'm excited to see what else he can do." All of other Cats will be dressed and active for the next game.